It’s weird how things work out. Last night I was way jonesin to send Old Girl a text. I was just gonna check in and say hey. I am curious if she is going to see the National or not. I’m kinda thinking it was wasteful to trash the connection, even if it only turned out to be friends or whatever. It was good to think about it and put it into perspective for the future. It’s just tough to work new friends into the picture. I’m sure if we decided to be friends the outcome would be the same, I’d never hear from her again. On the Nat tix tip, I sold the tix for $200. I feel a smidge guilty about it, cuz I’ve seen people trying to sell them for $45/each since then. Cha-ching. Nothing like a good scalp to get your blood pumping. I also need to give some money to the theater, so I’m hoping to have some of the 200 left over for that. Yeah, I don’t have the tix anymore, so I felt like there was less riding on the text. I dunno, at the end of the day, she’s not interested and I shouldn’t be. I think I’m slowly coming to that conclusion. Very slowly, I know. So last night I’m dead tired from the weekend, I wasn’t thinking about contacting old girl, I just went online to check my e-mail. I check e-mail and I get a message from this new girl I’m digging. That was cool. So I got on OKC to read the message and I get an instant message from some other girl. I’m just like WTF. While I’m IMing with this girl, I’m also responding to new girl. Then I get an IM on Yahoo and it’s the punk girl. I think someone was trying to send me a message, “why fret over what is gone, when there is so much here.” Seriously too, I’m not even trying. I send, at most, 5 e-mails a week, I’m sure there are guys that send 50 a week. It was cool though. Old girl and I did not have a lot in common. The new girl I’m e-mailing with is really into music. She is a photographer for Spin magazine. From what I can tell from her pictures, she is absolutely gorgeous too. Always good. I dunno what’s up with the other girls, the new IM girl didn’t have a picture on her profile, def a red flag.
I just want to make a quick comparison between Punk Girl and Old Girl, Punk Girl has tracked me down a few times and asked what’s up (kinda like what I did to OG). She’s shown that she’s interested. I’m not asking for the world, I just did not get the vibe from OG, in fact the vibe I did get was “I won’t mind if you just go away.”
In my quest to blow all the money I made on the National tix and not give it to the Theater, I am going to see Roger Waters tonight. I’m containing my expectations, although part of me def thinks it’s gonna be off the heezle. There should be a nutty light show and they should build a wall and break it down. I dunno, mass hysteria. If the show was unhooked back in 1980, it should be a mindblowing event in 2010. We can do so much more with less now than we could then. We have lasers, phasers, snuggies, robots, flowbees, and cgi. I’m expecting Jar Jar Binks to appear on the stage 20 feet high and walk off into the crowd. Or something like that. Getting the tix was no mean feat. I had to deal with Leroy from Dekalb. Dude seemed like an ok guy. Then he called me at midnight last night. “You gave me a bum address.” “No I didn’t, that’s what my buddy told me and he’s been living there for 11 years. Are you on Ohio?” “No.” “The place is on Ohio.” Whateves. I am working on minimal sleep though, which sucks. I guess tomorrow night I’ll get 7 hours. That would be wonderful. The tix were a bargain though. Well below face. I think face w/ fees was like $70, we got our tix for $45/each. Good times. Not a bad swap, Roger Waters performing the Wall, for The National. I’d do that any day, I might not feel the same way tomorrow, but I’m pretty sure I will.
That was a bummer that the guy on the Broncos killed himself. It’s crazy. I don’t know if people just have mental problems, or what, but suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Life is tough though. It’s more than some people can handle. I don’t know what was going on in this guy’s life, but he must’ve felt pretty hopeless. I think I’ve gone off on this topic before so I don’t feel like rehashing stuff I already said. Life is tough though. It’s more than some people can handle.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
In Through the Out Door
Good weekend. Good times. Well Friday was pretty chill. I had plans to go out on Saturday and watch the ND game with my bud, so I didn’t mind staying in on Friday. I went to the Sox game on Thurs, so I was pretty beat as I got like 4 hours of sleep on Thurs night. Just chilling on Friday also set me up to hit the Y on Saturday and get a proper work out in. I was pretty amped for my workout, maybe a little too amped. I did some bench, which was fun. The Y has a ton of different machines and I was really looking forward to hitting the arm curl machine. I get on there and I start pumping out reps. I feel pretty good and this machine really isolates your biceps, so you totally feel the burn. I get to my third set and I’m grinding out the reps (jeez do I sound like a meathead) and I sorta bob my head forward for momentum and I jacked myself in the head with the metal bar. I have to admit I kinda knocked myself silly. That was not fun. I shook it off and the adrenaline from working out made me not notice it, but that night I sorta had a weird headache. The headache went away after a few beers, then on Sunday it really hurt and felt weird and felt like it was radiating to the back of my head. I figured it was just a blood vessel that popped in my head and the blood was just pooling up in the back of my skull, no big deal. Still I was kind of out of it.
I think this blog is gonna jump around a bit. I’ll keep you guessing. I did want to talk about the idea of macking on women at all opportunities. I read something about it, and the guy laid out a pretty solid plan for getting to the point where you can pick up women everywhere. The problem with the plan is that it’s a long process and involves doing things that I don’t like to do. Namely, talking to strangers. Mom always said, “Don’t talk to strangers.” Well this guy has a plan and step one is to start talking to strangers, get good at gabbing with people. Talk to the old lady on the street, the guy at the supermarket, any random person you meet. I hate doing this. I hate small talk almost with a passion. I think the next step, once you get pretty comfortable talking to people, to start talking to women. I think he said to choose women that you’re not really attracted to so you aren’t nervous, just get used to talking to women. I dunno, eventually you work your way up to being crazy social and talking to hot women without a hint of fear. The plan just won’t work for me. Case and point. My buddy and I were out yesterday at Timothy O’tooles watching the bears game. We got sat down with these old biddies from Dallas. They were rooting for the Cowboys while we were rooting for the Bears. As soon as I saw these people I was thinking, “I’m not going to say a word to them.” Well my buddy must’ve taken his gregarious pills, cuz before he even sits down he says, “I bet you’re all wondering why I called this meeting.” Great line, it cracked me up. Then for the rest of the time he was putting the serious charm on these ladies. They were eating out of his hand. It was a classic example of something that I could do, but choose not to. I am actually rather adverse to that kind of kibitzing. I tried to throw some lines in there and at one point a woman said, “I like you guys, you’re funny.” To which I replied, “we also have giant penises.” Actually I didn’t. But I wish I would have. My head was hurting though and I was thinking that I might have a head injury.
Stepping in to the wayback machine, we go to Saturday night. Well Saturday night turned out to be rather strange. My aforementioned bud and I went out to Victory liquors to watch the ND game. We got there after the game had started and it was pretty packed. We decided to head to the back of the bar, which was even more packed. After standing there for a moment, my buddy says, “hey, is that Sheila (his old girlfriend).” I look up and she is looking at us. I know her, so I wave. She comes over. Hugs us. All that. A little awkward. She went back to her friends, and we basically just stood in the same spot and watched the game. It was fun, although the game took way too long, and ND ended up losing in heart-wrenching fashion. After the game, we said goodbye to Sheila, and hit the road. I really wanted to go to Metro to see Titus Andronicus. My bud was sorta shellshocked, so we made our way up to metro. Well we hit some stupid traffic and I’m like, “Is there a Cubs game tonight?” There were people everywhere on Clark Street; it was like fucking Mardi Gras. It def was not normal for a Saturday night with no Cubs game. We get up to Wrigley after like a half hour and it dawns on me. Dave Matthews band is playing. What a pain in the ass. As if I need another reason to hate DMB, they fucking cockblocked me when I was trying to see TA. Total bullshit. By the time we got up to Metro it was 1130. TA had to be on, I hadn’t parked, we didn’t have tickets. There was nowhere to park because the DMB idiots were all over the place. What to do… What to do.
I wanted to hear some good music. Two places came to mind. Delilah’s or Exit. We headed to Delilah’s. D’s plays good music and have a good beer selection. We drove by and it seemed a little crowded. I think it seemed crowded cuz there were tons of people milling about out front. Those people were probably smoking. It might not have been bad there. We cruised to exit anyway. Exit was pretty empty when we got there. A couple of seats at the bar were calling out to us. We sat down, grabbed a couple of beers and chilled. They were playing Aliens on the TVs, great movie. Alien is one of my favorite movies of all time, Aliens is pretty solid too. I get around to listening for the tunes, I’m noticing a trend. All female singers. I’m just like what is up? I like female singers, in fact a band I’m really digging right now, Camera Obscura has a female singer, but it gets old. Especially when it’s punk women screaming. I did hear a song that I love that I hadn’t heard in a while, Pretend we’re dead by L7. Classic. Other than that though, it was getting old. I asked the bartender what was up and she said, “It’s all angry lesbian music because we have an angry lesbian DJ.” So I went to talk to the DJ. I said, do you have Iggy and the Stooges? She was like no. That was that. Safe to say the music kinda sucked and it contributed to us bailing early.
One cool thing, well Exit always has weird stuff, and sometimes there’s something new or stupid or just tripped out. This time they had an Arcade-Style punching machine. The way the thing worked was, you put your quarter in and the punching bag drops down. It’s basically a large speedbag attached to a pole. You punch it as hard as you can and it flies back into the machine and it measures your power. The high score on the machine was 942. I have to say it was rather entertaining sitting there, drinking beer, and watching people play this game. There was one dude, who was kind of a punching machine hustler. He talked some old fat dude into taking him on. Well the young guy pops the thing and he got like an 800. Then old dude gets up there, he barely made square contact with the bag, he got like 400. Then old guy hands young guy a $5. Hustled. You would think fool me once shame on you, but this old man came back for more. Young guy blasted out like an 850, then old dude put up a pitiful 300, I think I could’ve sneezed on the thing and gotten better. I shouldn’t talk though. I didn’t play it cuz I def think it would mess up my already messed-up wrist. No use tempting fate with that one, discretion is the better part of valor. At one point, a really big dude comes in and he steps up to the machine. This guy looks like he knows what he’s doing. The dude squares up, rears back, and just hammers the machine, I said to my buddy, “That’s a new record, no question.” The whole machine was shaking as the meter counted up the power, 600, 700, 800, 900…918. Dude got robbed. That would’ve been over 1000, some of the power was lost because the machine was swaying all over the place. They need to put some spacers in back to keep it from rocking around. Oh well, you can’t beat fun at the old exit.
I think this blog is gonna jump around a bit. I’ll keep you guessing. I did want to talk about the idea of macking on women at all opportunities. I read something about it, and the guy laid out a pretty solid plan for getting to the point where you can pick up women everywhere. The problem with the plan is that it’s a long process and involves doing things that I don’t like to do. Namely, talking to strangers. Mom always said, “Don’t talk to strangers.” Well this guy has a plan and step one is to start talking to strangers, get good at gabbing with people. Talk to the old lady on the street, the guy at the supermarket, any random person you meet. I hate doing this. I hate small talk almost with a passion. I think the next step, once you get pretty comfortable talking to people, to start talking to women. I think he said to choose women that you’re not really attracted to so you aren’t nervous, just get used to talking to women. I dunno, eventually you work your way up to being crazy social and talking to hot women without a hint of fear. The plan just won’t work for me. Case and point. My buddy and I were out yesterday at Timothy O’tooles watching the bears game. We got sat down with these old biddies from Dallas. They were rooting for the Cowboys while we were rooting for the Bears. As soon as I saw these people I was thinking, “I’m not going to say a word to them.” Well my buddy must’ve taken his gregarious pills, cuz before he even sits down he says, “I bet you’re all wondering why I called this meeting.” Great line, it cracked me up. Then for the rest of the time he was putting the serious charm on these ladies. They were eating out of his hand. It was a classic example of something that I could do, but choose not to. I am actually rather adverse to that kind of kibitzing. I tried to throw some lines in there and at one point a woman said, “I like you guys, you’re funny.” To which I replied, “we also have giant penises.” Actually I didn’t. But I wish I would have. My head was hurting though and I was thinking that I might have a head injury.
Stepping in to the wayback machine, we go to Saturday night. Well Saturday night turned out to be rather strange. My aforementioned bud and I went out to Victory liquors to watch the ND game. We got there after the game had started and it was pretty packed. We decided to head to the back of the bar, which was even more packed. After standing there for a moment, my buddy says, “hey, is that Sheila (his old girlfriend).” I look up and she is looking at us. I know her, so I wave. She comes over. Hugs us. All that. A little awkward. She went back to her friends, and we basically just stood in the same spot and watched the game. It was fun, although the game took way too long, and ND ended up losing in heart-wrenching fashion. After the game, we said goodbye to Sheila, and hit the road. I really wanted to go to Metro to see Titus Andronicus. My bud was sorta shellshocked, so we made our way up to metro. Well we hit some stupid traffic and I’m like, “Is there a Cubs game tonight?” There were people everywhere on Clark Street; it was like fucking Mardi Gras. It def was not normal for a Saturday night with no Cubs game. We get up to Wrigley after like a half hour and it dawns on me. Dave Matthews band is playing. What a pain in the ass. As if I need another reason to hate DMB, they fucking cockblocked me when I was trying to see TA. Total bullshit. By the time we got up to Metro it was 1130. TA had to be on, I hadn’t parked, we didn’t have tickets. There was nowhere to park because the DMB idiots were all over the place. What to do… What to do.
I wanted to hear some good music. Two places came to mind. Delilah’s or Exit. We headed to Delilah’s. D’s plays good music and have a good beer selection. We drove by and it seemed a little crowded. I think it seemed crowded cuz there were tons of people milling about out front. Those people were probably smoking. It might not have been bad there. We cruised to exit anyway. Exit was pretty empty when we got there. A couple of seats at the bar were calling out to us. We sat down, grabbed a couple of beers and chilled. They were playing Aliens on the TVs, great movie. Alien is one of my favorite movies of all time, Aliens is pretty solid too. I get around to listening for the tunes, I’m noticing a trend. All female singers. I’m just like what is up? I like female singers, in fact a band I’m really digging right now, Camera Obscura has a female singer, but it gets old. Especially when it’s punk women screaming. I did hear a song that I love that I hadn’t heard in a while, Pretend we’re dead by L7. Classic. Other than that though, it was getting old. I asked the bartender what was up and she said, “It’s all angry lesbian music because we have an angry lesbian DJ.” So I went to talk to the DJ. I said, do you have Iggy and the Stooges? She was like no. That was that. Safe to say the music kinda sucked and it contributed to us bailing early.
One cool thing, well Exit always has weird stuff, and sometimes there’s something new or stupid or just tripped out. This time they had an Arcade-Style punching machine. The way the thing worked was, you put your quarter in and the punching bag drops down. It’s basically a large speedbag attached to a pole. You punch it as hard as you can and it flies back into the machine and it measures your power. The high score on the machine was 942. I have to say it was rather entertaining sitting there, drinking beer, and watching people play this game. There was one dude, who was kind of a punching machine hustler. He talked some old fat dude into taking him on. Well the young guy pops the thing and he got like an 800. Then old dude gets up there, he barely made square contact with the bag, he got like 400. Then old guy hands young guy a $5. Hustled. You would think fool me once shame on you, but this old man came back for more. Young guy blasted out like an 850, then old dude put up a pitiful 300, I think I could’ve sneezed on the thing and gotten better. I shouldn’t talk though. I didn’t play it cuz I def think it would mess up my already messed-up wrist. No use tempting fate with that one, discretion is the better part of valor. At one point, a really big dude comes in and he steps up to the machine. This guy looks like he knows what he’s doing. The dude squares up, rears back, and just hammers the machine, I said to my buddy, “That’s a new record, no question.” The whole machine was shaking as the meter counted up the power, 600, 700, 800, 900…918. Dude got robbed. That would’ve been over 1000, some of the power was lost because the machine was swaying all over the place. They need to put some spacers in back to keep it from rocking around. Oh well, you can’t beat fun at the old exit.
Friday, September 17, 2010
How to pick up water
I think I might be a water weirdo. I like my water to be very very cold. I hate drinking warm or especially lukewarm water. At work, I was forced to get resourceful to make sure I have a solid supply of very cold water. I used to just take my chances and head to the kitchen and take what I got. Sometimes the water would be like 38 degrees, other times it was in various stages of coolness approaching 38 degrees (which is the temperature the fridge is set to.) Then I took a class in one of the conference rooms that is like 15 feet away from where I sit. The kitchen is like 100 feet. Don’t get me started about the auxiliary kitchen, the water there is never cold and half the time some idiot leaves the fridge open so nothing in there is cold. Back to the conference rooms, there are refrigerators in them, with water. They are all set to 37 degrees, one might be set to 34. The water in there is always cold cuz it just sits there til someone in a meeting gets thirsty. The conference rooms have become my personal water stash. It’s awesome. The water in there is always perfect. Well lately the rooms have been occupied. The class that I spoke at yesterday is taking one, and that forces everyone else to use the other. It’s a major buzz kill and I basically go to the aux kitchen, which is a waste of time, the water is always warm, and then I bail to the other kitchen and do the best I can. Well today, I had a water from yesterday on my desk, unopened. So I went to return it for a cold one. The conference rooms were taken, so I had to go to the aux kitchen. I swapped out my water for one that was really only moderately colder. This water sat around for a few minutes and I noticed that the students went on a field trip, so I went and swapped my water out for one in the conference room. A double water swap. That’s why I’m water weird.
I was reading today that the woman who said she got acid dumped on her was lying. It was a hoax. All this crazy stuff all over the place, it really jades you out. When I read that it was a hoax, I was like “oh yeah, the acid lady.” But honestly when I saw the headline originally that the woman got acid dumped on her face, I didn’t read the article. I really didn’t give a shit. I looked at the picture of her before the acid and I thought, “kinda cute, bummer that she’s acid-scarred now.” That was about it.
I saw a woman today with a really awesome giant ass. It totally got me singin big bottom to myself. This woman was the textbook definition of curvy. She had ok boobs, should’ve been bigger to complete the hourglass, but she did not have a big waist. Just a really round ass, and decent boobs. To me, this is curvy. I saw some other women who were curvy. Curvy can also mean really big boobs and a little fat. Curvy does not mean obese. I think it’s a way for an obese woman to try to hide the fact that she’s really a house. An obese woman should put a few extra pounds, or another one that I saw recently, overweight. It’s like you put overweight and you are pretty much just letting it out there that you’re huge. Which is good. Nothing worse than the bait and switch. I’m kinda bumming that I didn’t approach the curvy girl. I think more than online dating, or church, school, coffee houses, bars, I think the place to get a girl is everywhere. You see a girl, you should just approach her and try to say hi. If she’s taken or not interested, she’ll shut you down pretty quick, but if she’s interested, she’ll probably talk with you and be receptive when you ask for her number or e-mail or whatever. I really need to get up on the whole communication thing, cuz I’m thinking women are more cautious today than they used to be. You used to get their number, but now I don’t think it’s wise to give out your number. They probably use something else, like IM probably. They prolly say, IM me on yahoo, I really have no idea, but I should find out.
Back to the idea of picking up women everywhere, I just had a mini revelation. I’ve written in the past about roses born to bloom unseen. I think this basically means women who aren’t really out there, they probably want to meet a guy, but they’re not online, they don’t go to bars, they might get macked on at work, but that’s it. These women don’t have a lot of competition for them. It’s like online, the competition must be pretty fierce. I dunno. Online, people are looking for the perfect match for them, they aren’t interested in settling, so women who are not attractive will reach out to attractive guys and vice versa, it’s an exercise in futility. I think an attractive woman, who is not outgoing, who just goes to work and does her thing, might be more receptive than someone at a bar, or online, etc. It’s probably very fertile ground for the right guy. They also say women like confidence, it takes shit tons of confidence (probably more than I have) to just approach a woman on the street and put the moves on her. This is old school stuff. You hear the story about some average dude who is always mackin. He hits on everyone he sees. Dudes like this claim to get laid by someone different every day. Is it a tall tale? Definitely. Is it possible? Probably. I think if you have solid moves, look good, are in shape, and get yourself out there to 14 women a day, you could get laid at least twice a week by different women. I think that’s possible. Getting laid by tons of different women is not really my goal, but it’s just a thought.
Not much else to say. I’m a little beat today. I went to the Sox game last night and the game lasted forever. The Sox lost and are now totally out of the playoff picture. I went with a buddy from work, which was cool, always good to make new friends. We bailed the game early, but should’ve been about 10 minutes earlier. I thought the train was at 1050. I busted to make it by then. I got there at 1046, it left at 1040. Hosed. I had to wait for the next train 1140. So I got home at 1230 and got to bed around 1. I got up at 7, so now I’m dragging a bit. I’m totally gonna get a good night’s sleep tonight. I have a bunch of stuff to do. I should take some practice tests for the series 4. I also got some books from people at work. The French girl lent me the girl with the Dragon tattoo, and my Sox buddy lent me The Road. I’m way amped to read these books, but I think I have to focus on the 4 and knock that out before I start reading. I’m weird that way. I don’t want to be mixing reading for pleasure and reading for work. I’m sure my mind can handle it, but when I get focused on something like passing the 4. I just want to knock it out with no distractions.
I was reading today that the woman who said she got acid dumped on her was lying. It was a hoax. All this crazy stuff all over the place, it really jades you out. When I read that it was a hoax, I was like “oh yeah, the acid lady.” But honestly when I saw the headline originally that the woman got acid dumped on her face, I didn’t read the article. I really didn’t give a shit. I looked at the picture of her before the acid and I thought, “kinda cute, bummer that she’s acid-scarred now.” That was about it.
I saw a woman today with a really awesome giant ass. It totally got me singin big bottom to myself. This woman was the textbook definition of curvy. She had ok boobs, should’ve been bigger to complete the hourglass, but she did not have a big waist. Just a really round ass, and decent boobs. To me, this is curvy. I saw some other women who were curvy. Curvy can also mean really big boobs and a little fat. Curvy does not mean obese. I think it’s a way for an obese woman to try to hide the fact that she’s really a house. An obese woman should put a few extra pounds, or another one that I saw recently, overweight. It’s like you put overweight and you are pretty much just letting it out there that you’re huge. Which is good. Nothing worse than the bait and switch. I’m kinda bumming that I didn’t approach the curvy girl. I think more than online dating, or church, school, coffee houses, bars, I think the place to get a girl is everywhere. You see a girl, you should just approach her and try to say hi. If she’s taken or not interested, she’ll shut you down pretty quick, but if she’s interested, she’ll probably talk with you and be receptive when you ask for her number or e-mail or whatever. I really need to get up on the whole communication thing, cuz I’m thinking women are more cautious today than they used to be. You used to get their number, but now I don’t think it’s wise to give out your number. They probably use something else, like IM probably. They prolly say, IM me on yahoo, I really have no idea, but I should find out.
Back to the idea of picking up women everywhere, I just had a mini revelation. I’ve written in the past about roses born to bloom unseen. I think this basically means women who aren’t really out there, they probably want to meet a guy, but they’re not online, they don’t go to bars, they might get macked on at work, but that’s it. These women don’t have a lot of competition for them. It’s like online, the competition must be pretty fierce. I dunno. Online, people are looking for the perfect match for them, they aren’t interested in settling, so women who are not attractive will reach out to attractive guys and vice versa, it’s an exercise in futility. I think an attractive woman, who is not outgoing, who just goes to work and does her thing, might be more receptive than someone at a bar, or online, etc. It’s probably very fertile ground for the right guy. They also say women like confidence, it takes shit tons of confidence (probably more than I have) to just approach a woman on the street and put the moves on her. This is old school stuff. You hear the story about some average dude who is always mackin. He hits on everyone he sees. Dudes like this claim to get laid by someone different every day. Is it a tall tale? Definitely. Is it possible? Probably. I think if you have solid moves, look good, are in shape, and get yourself out there to 14 women a day, you could get laid at least twice a week by different women. I think that’s possible. Getting laid by tons of different women is not really my goal, but it’s just a thought.
Not much else to say. I’m a little beat today. I went to the Sox game last night and the game lasted forever. The Sox lost and are now totally out of the playoff picture. I went with a buddy from work, which was cool, always good to make new friends. We bailed the game early, but should’ve been about 10 minutes earlier. I thought the train was at 1050. I busted to make it by then. I got there at 1046, it left at 1040. Hosed. I had to wait for the next train 1140. So I got home at 1230 and got to bed around 1. I got up at 7, so now I’m dragging a bit. I’m totally gonna get a good night’s sleep tonight. I have a bunch of stuff to do. I should take some practice tests for the series 4. I also got some books from people at work. The French girl lent me the girl with the Dragon tattoo, and my Sox buddy lent me The Road. I’m way amped to read these books, but I think I have to focus on the 4 and knock that out before I start reading. I’m weird that way. I don’t want to be mixing reading for pleasure and reading for work. I’m sure my mind can handle it, but when I get focused on something like passing the 4. I just want to knock it out with no distractions.
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Read these words
I am so amped right now. I just got done giving a compliance and ethics training thing to the new trainees. 9 guys, 10 including the instructor. It was cool. I was a little nervous, but not debilitatingly nervous. It went really well. They were so receptive and asked questions. They gave me the respect a man of my stature deserves. That feels good. I guess I had it set up in kind of a fun engaging way. The whole purpose of the thing was just to encourage them to seek help from compliance or their team lead if they ever get into a grey area with regard to their trading. I had 4 case studies and I laid them out, one by one, in as unbiased a manner as possible. Then I went around the room and asked if they thought the scenario was acceptable or unacceptable. It was funny. Some of the guys thought the acceptable stuff was unacceptable and vice versa. The first scenario was layering and I took it from a recent case against Trillium where they got dinged for 2.3 million. You can read about it online. They all got that one as being unacceptable. The last one was an Oil scenario where Conagra got fined for 12 million because a trader wanted to be the first one to trade oil at 100. He said in e-mails and other places: “If it gets near 100, I’m going to be a madman to get the first print up there.” He also said, “Some people collect art, we collect prints.” Pretty stupid. They just wanted to be the first ones to trade there. Well the premeditation made it manipulation. They were dinged for executing a trade at a non bona fide price, for non bona fide purposes. Expensive print, 12 million, they probably could’ve gotten a Picasso for that price if they just collected art. So I left and I got called back for an encore, they had more questions. Good times. They’re good kids.
I decided not to contact the girl. (And there was much rejoicing.) Thanks to everyone for their opinions on this thing. I seriously considered contacting her, and in so doing, it really helped me figure things out. My best case scenario was that I take her to see the National and get back on her “pay no mind” list. It sucked being there. It sucked wondering if she was interested, if she was ever going to get back to me, it sucked waiting. I’m basically through most of the hard part of moving on (I’m sure you would all disagree.) But I’ve come a long way in forgetting and I feel like I’m better off just moving on, rather than going back to being unhappy. I thought I had a bunch more to say about it. Well last night when I came to the realization that she wasn’t what I wanted, that I didn’t want to go back to that, and I don’t want to contact her, I felt such a relief. I felt so good, it had to be the right thing, because it felt right. I guess I’m just more naïve than most people on this stuff. I always think of things in the best possible way for my own purposes. It’s like most people would say, “she doesn’t get back to you, she’s not interested.” Well she said she was busy, she did get back to me eventually. I would spin the thing in my mind to make it work. I wanted it to work and I’m really not sure why.
Last night was the first Religion class. The way our ccd works is that you go as a family. Which means I take all the kids. It’s my day, the importance of religion is my thing, so I take them. My daughter had an audition last night, so I took the boys. The ccd is once a month for two hours. The first hour is everyone together, and the second hour is in classrooms separated. We got there a little late and they had some kind of revival thing going. A woman was playing guitar and singing about Jesus and people were dancing around. They’d say, “Jesus to the north” and turn north, south, east, and west. It was kinda weird. I didn’t learn the Jesus macarena, so I felt ok just hanging out. The thing is that everyeone was doing it. Including the adults. I was thinking, “what did they say to everyone to get them to do this? Did they threaten them?” It was weird how everyone was dancing, I felt a little self conscious about not dancing, which is also weird. My daughter arrived a little after that and eventually we went to our classrooms. My boys were on their own because they are in Jr. High, but my daughter is still in the family class, so I had to attend that with her. Don’t get me wrong, I like our teacher, she is very dedicated and religious, that’s to be commended. She is a bit quirky though. At one point she said to the kid sitting near us, “I see your name is Andrew, I like that name, do you know why? It’s the name of my guardian angel.” Immediately I’m thinking “When do they tell us the name of our guardian angel? Did I miss that? Was that at confirmation?” A second later I got my answer. She said, “Do you want to know how I found out the name of my guardian angel?” I nodded my head emphatically. “Well, I was at a retreat and the priest there said, ‘if you want to find out the name of your guardian angel, just ask.’” She continued, “so that night, I got in bed and cleared my mind of all the clutter and I asked my guardian angel, ‘what’s your name?’ and the first name that popped into my head was Andrew.” I was pretty skeptical at this point. I didn’t right away ask my guardian angel what his/her name was, but I started thinking about it. I tried to focus, but I was being bombarded with names. Finally it came to me. I’m pretty sure my guardian angel’s name is…Kent.
I decided not to contact the girl. (And there was much rejoicing.) Thanks to everyone for their opinions on this thing. I seriously considered contacting her, and in so doing, it really helped me figure things out. My best case scenario was that I take her to see the National and get back on her “pay no mind” list. It sucked being there. It sucked wondering if she was interested, if she was ever going to get back to me, it sucked waiting. I’m basically through most of the hard part of moving on (I’m sure you would all disagree.) But I’ve come a long way in forgetting and I feel like I’m better off just moving on, rather than going back to being unhappy. I thought I had a bunch more to say about it. Well last night when I came to the realization that she wasn’t what I wanted, that I didn’t want to go back to that, and I don’t want to contact her, I felt such a relief. I felt so good, it had to be the right thing, because it felt right. I guess I’m just more naïve than most people on this stuff. I always think of things in the best possible way for my own purposes. It’s like most people would say, “she doesn’t get back to you, she’s not interested.” Well she said she was busy, she did get back to me eventually. I would spin the thing in my mind to make it work. I wanted it to work and I’m really not sure why.
Last night was the first Religion class. The way our ccd works is that you go as a family. Which means I take all the kids. It’s my day, the importance of religion is my thing, so I take them. My daughter had an audition last night, so I took the boys. The ccd is once a month for two hours. The first hour is everyone together, and the second hour is in classrooms separated. We got there a little late and they had some kind of revival thing going. A woman was playing guitar and singing about Jesus and people were dancing around. They’d say, “Jesus to the north” and turn north, south, east, and west. It was kinda weird. I didn’t learn the Jesus macarena, so I felt ok just hanging out. The thing is that everyeone was doing it. Including the adults. I was thinking, “what did they say to everyone to get them to do this? Did they threaten them?” It was weird how everyone was dancing, I felt a little self conscious about not dancing, which is also weird. My daughter arrived a little after that and eventually we went to our classrooms. My boys were on their own because they are in Jr. High, but my daughter is still in the family class, so I had to attend that with her. Don’t get me wrong, I like our teacher, she is very dedicated and religious, that’s to be commended. She is a bit quirky though. At one point she said to the kid sitting near us, “I see your name is Andrew, I like that name, do you know why? It’s the name of my guardian angel.” Immediately I’m thinking “When do they tell us the name of our guardian angel? Did I miss that? Was that at confirmation?” A second later I got my answer. She said, “Do you want to know how I found out the name of my guardian angel?” I nodded my head emphatically. “Well, I was at a retreat and the priest there said, ‘if you want to find out the name of your guardian angel, just ask.’” She continued, “so that night, I got in bed and cleared my mind of all the clutter and I asked my guardian angel, ‘what’s your name?’ and the first name that popped into my head was Andrew.” I was pretty skeptical at this point. I didn’t right away ask my guardian angel what his/her name was, but I started thinking about it. I tried to focus, but I was being bombarded with names. Finally it came to me. I’m pretty sure my guardian angel’s name is…Kent.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
I talk crazy
So I was running all over the place last night and then I got home. I talked to my buddy on the phone, went up and got on the computer, and around 10pm I realized that I hadn’t busted my wig down. Dr. Choppy had taken 3 huge chunks of hair out of the back of my head and contrary to some of the reviews I got, it was definitely visible. Somebody told me that you couldn’t see it unless you were looking. You could see it. It really looked like a three clawed creature had scratched the hair out of my head in one quick swoop. I had to get out the clippers even though what I wanted to do was hit the satchmo. It was actually fun busting the wig cuz I did have like an inch of growth. The only problem is that I missed a spot. Well I didn’t miss it, but I couldn’t see it well and the clippers just didn’t want to go there. That means there’s a little patch of long hairs right on the top of my dome. I really don’t think it’s visible. If I had a pair of scissors I could bust it down no prob, I just gotta get around to it. And not forget. Maybe I’ll just grab some shears, run into the bathroom and handle it. Might not be a bad idea. I should’ve jumped in the shower after I busted and washed all the hair off. Instead I shook my head over the garbage can and went to bed. Checked the pillow case this morning, should’ve showered. Oh well, I just dusted the pillow case. No harm done.
On the dating tip. Not much new to report. My success at getting a response with one e-mail is reverting back to the mean. I did get a sort of response from this one woman, only it was an automated negation from Match. That was cool though, better that than nothing. I got an e-mail last night from somebody. I gave her the automatic neg. She was creepy looking. One reason why I was running late last night is that the weird woman from way back who tried to booty call me on a Thursday night, well she messaged me. Totally freaked me out. I thought she was gone. I felt obligated to chat with her for a few minutes and that set me back. I was trying to multi-task and talk on the phone, that didn’t work. I had to bail. It’s getting to the point where I’m going to have to do something with my National tix. I think I’m gonna sell em.
I’ve been tripping on this conversation that I had with somebody last night. We were talking about online dating and he said, “in the old days, you’d get 3 or 4 rejections in a year, this was normal. Now with the speed you can meet someone, you can get 3 or 4 rejections in a week. You have to mentally prepare for that.” That’s not really what I was tripping on, but it got us talking about how with online dating, you are pulling from a huge pool of people that you may have little in common with. Honestly, looks are everything. You can pretty much forego the fact that they are vegetarian, into triathlons, into traveling, cooking, watching TV, etc. and want them just based on looks. The people that are into what you are into that aren’t attractive don’t even merit a second glance. I should say that if a woman is moderately good looking and into things you are into, it’s a plus. It gets them in the door. It might get a date, or lunch, or something, then you can figure it out from there. The other thing we discussed was that traditionally, people met through mutual friends, school, work, church, etc. These connections usually involved a good bit of common ground to build from: mutual friends, similar job, similar scholastic predilections, etc. Online, who knows? You could be meeting someone who is from a completely different part of the country, totally different upbringing, different school, different job, different religion, the chances of a match are slimmer because you are working with less common ground. Thus the rejection rate should be even higher based upon the difficulty in finding someone you are compatible with. Don’t get me started, but there still may be a kind of stigma associated with online dating and you may be able to stereotype online daters as having either a variety of social flaws or a common flaw. It’s something I’ve been grappling with, it goes something like, “are all these people insane?” They might be. Or a good number of them might be.
This morning I was getting in my car and this latin American man yelled to me from across the street, “Check it out. In the circle. It’s a skunk.” I looked, saw the skunk and said, “yeah.” I was putting stuff in my trunk and the skunk was like 20 feet away. It was in the trees in the cul-de-sac and it seemed to be going about its business. The dude across the street was like, “There’s a skunk in the circle!” I was like, “Yeah, I see it, thanks.” I dunno why this guy was so hung up on the skunk, did he think it was going to attack me? I almost ran a skunk over on my bike one day and it didn’t spray me. I think you really have to come after a skunk to even get it to notice you. I don’t think they run after people to spray them, it’s a defense mechanism. As I pulled out of the driveway one of the neighbors was walking his dog. I stopped and rolled down my window and told him about the skunk. Now he could’ve (and might’ve) gotten sprayed if the dog went apeshit after the skunk. I don’t know the neighbor, but I figured it was the right thing to do. As I was driving away I thought, a lot of people probably wouldn’t have stopped to warn the guy. I figured it was the right thing to do.
On the dating tip. Not much new to report. My success at getting a response with one e-mail is reverting back to the mean. I did get a sort of response from this one woman, only it was an automated negation from Match. That was cool though, better that than nothing. I got an e-mail last night from somebody. I gave her the automatic neg. She was creepy looking. One reason why I was running late last night is that the weird woman from way back who tried to booty call me on a Thursday night, well she messaged me. Totally freaked me out. I thought she was gone. I felt obligated to chat with her for a few minutes and that set me back. I was trying to multi-task and talk on the phone, that didn’t work. I had to bail. It’s getting to the point where I’m going to have to do something with my National tix. I think I’m gonna sell em.
I’ve been tripping on this conversation that I had with somebody last night. We were talking about online dating and he said, “in the old days, you’d get 3 or 4 rejections in a year, this was normal. Now with the speed you can meet someone, you can get 3 or 4 rejections in a week. You have to mentally prepare for that.” That’s not really what I was tripping on, but it got us talking about how with online dating, you are pulling from a huge pool of people that you may have little in common with. Honestly, looks are everything. You can pretty much forego the fact that they are vegetarian, into triathlons, into traveling, cooking, watching TV, etc. and want them just based on looks. The people that are into what you are into that aren’t attractive don’t even merit a second glance. I should say that if a woman is moderately good looking and into things you are into, it’s a plus. It gets them in the door. It might get a date, or lunch, or something, then you can figure it out from there. The other thing we discussed was that traditionally, people met through mutual friends, school, work, church, etc. These connections usually involved a good bit of common ground to build from: mutual friends, similar job, similar scholastic predilections, etc. Online, who knows? You could be meeting someone who is from a completely different part of the country, totally different upbringing, different school, different job, different religion, the chances of a match are slimmer because you are working with less common ground. Thus the rejection rate should be even higher based upon the difficulty in finding someone you are compatible with. Don’t get me started, but there still may be a kind of stigma associated with online dating and you may be able to stereotype online daters as having either a variety of social flaws or a common flaw. It’s something I’ve been grappling with, it goes something like, “are all these people insane?” They might be. Or a good number of them might be.
This morning I was getting in my car and this latin American man yelled to me from across the street, “Check it out. In the circle. It’s a skunk.” I looked, saw the skunk and said, “yeah.” I was putting stuff in my trunk and the skunk was like 20 feet away. It was in the trees in the cul-de-sac and it seemed to be going about its business. The dude across the street was like, “There’s a skunk in the circle!” I was like, “Yeah, I see it, thanks.” I dunno why this guy was so hung up on the skunk, did he think it was going to attack me? I almost ran a skunk over on my bike one day and it didn’t spray me. I think you really have to come after a skunk to even get it to notice you. I don’t think they run after people to spray them, it’s a defense mechanism. As I pulled out of the driveway one of the neighbors was walking his dog. I stopped and rolled down my window and told him about the skunk. Now he could’ve (and might’ve) gotten sprayed if the dog went apeshit after the skunk. I don’t know the neighbor, but I figured it was the right thing to do. As I was driving away I thought, a lot of people probably wouldn’t have stopped to warn the guy. I figured it was the right thing to do.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Hair today gone tomorrow
I actually had something to write about and I can’t remember what it is. It’s kinda bumming me out. Not nearly as much as the fact that there is a big patch of hair missing from the back of my head. I had to take a hair test as part of the custody evaluation. I’ve been growing my hair out to do it, which looks stupid and it’s been a pain to schedule the thing. So the guy says he’ll meet me over there today at 7 am. That works for me. I get there and the guy is like, “You’ve got plenty of hair, no worries.” Cool. Then he takes a pair of kiddie scissors and cuts just huge clumps of hair out of the back of my head. I pay him 125 bucks for his troubles and cruise. I really didn’t have time to go home, shave my head, shave my neck, take a shower to get all the hair off, etc. I just had to go into work like my kids attacked me with scissors. I’m basically walking around at work like that, and I asked somebody if it was obvious and they said yes. Oh well. I just have to make it through the day and then I can shave all of this crazy stupid hair off.
I’m starting to bug about what I’m going to do with my National tickets. The show is sold out. I think I can get 200 for the pair. It is taking every bit of my will power to resist contacting that girl and asking if she is going. I don’t know if I’m stubborn or what the exact definition of my problem is, but I can boil it down. I was thinking about it yesterday and I just have a picture of how things are going to work out. When things don’t work out according to that picture, it irritates me. The reason I bought tickets to the National was to go with this girl. She likes the National. I think The National are ok. I don’t have much desire to go with anyone else, it’s either ask this girl, or sell the tickets. I just want to know if she is going. If she’s going, great, then I’ll sell the tickets. If not, then she should go. She wants to go. She loves the new album. I bought these tickets so she could go. It just bothers me that the tickets are not being used for their purpose, and that there will be utility lost from my plan not going how I envisioned. Not necessarily overall utility, but the utility that I have baked into this whole scenario with my mind.
I won my first fantasy fb match up. That rocks. Always good to start out with a win. Lots of season left though and I need to grab somebody off the waiver wire. I have the #1 waiver pick and there has to be a diamond out there to take. Tough to figure the line on ND vs. UMass. On USAtoday it says off for most of the betting houses, someone has Umass as a 21 pt dog, and another at 30. I think Michigan will be pretty good as long as Denard Robinson stays healthy, hopefully they will only need him for the first half against UMass. I can tell you one thing, the ticket prices have got to be going up. Before the season, nobody knew if M was going anywhere, now they have one of the most exciting players in the country on the field. I’m sure people want to come see him in person. It’s def worth seeing. He did things against ND that were pretty amazing. He looked like he was playing at a speed no one else on the field could come close to. At least on that 97 yard play. There’s still baseball going on and the Sox are not mathematically eliminated yet. They play 3 games against the twins starting today and they need to sweep to have a chance. I hope they do it. I’m going to the game on Thursday, I hope it’s for the sweep, that would be crazy exciting.
I’m starting to bug about what I’m going to do with my National tickets. The show is sold out. I think I can get 200 for the pair. It is taking every bit of my will power to resist contacting that girl and asking if she is going. I don’t know if I’m stubborn or what the exact definition of my problem is, but I can boil it down. I was thinking about it yesterday and I just have a picture of how things are going to work out. When things don’t work out according to that picture, it irritates me. The reason I bought tickets to the National was to go with this girl. She likes the National. I think The National are ok. I don’t have much desire to go with anyone else, it’s either ask this girl, or sell the tickets. I just want to know if she is going. If she’s going, great, then I’ll sell the tickets. If not, then she should go. She wants to go. She loves the new album. I bought these tickets so she could go. It just bothers me that the tickets are not being used for their purpose, and that there will be utility lost from my plan not going how I envisioned. Not necessarily overall utility, but the utility that I have baked into this whole scenario with my mind.
I won my first fantasy fb match up. That rocks. Always good to start out with a win. Lots of season left though and I need to grab somebody off the waiver wire. I have the #1 waiver pick and there has to be a diamond out there to take. Tough to figure the line on ND vs. UMass. On USAtoday it says off for most of the betting houses, someone has Umass as a 21 pt dog, and another at 30. I think Michigan will be pretty good as long as Denard Robinson stays healthy, hopefully they will only need him for the first half against UMass. I can tell you one thing, the ticket prices have got to be going up. Before the season, nobody knew if M was going anywhere, now they have one of the most exciting players in the country on the field. I’m sure people want to come see him in person. It’s def worth seeing. He did things against ND that were pretty amazing. He looked like he was playing at a speed no one else on the field could come close to. At least on that 97 yard play. There’s still baseball going on and the Sox are not mathematically eliminated yet. They play 3 games against the twins starting today and they need to sweep to have a chance. I hope they do it. I’m going to the game on Thursday, I hope it’s for the sweep, that would be crazy exciting.
Monday, September 13, 2010
Crazy Car Talk
I had a good weekend. Spent a lot of quality time with the kids which is really fun. They say the funniest things and it’s really fun to get talking to them. We were in the car like 7 hours or something, so we did a lot of chatting. At one point we were talking about cars. I told them that if I could have any car it would be a Prius. I went into how it’s good for the environment and it’s quiet, all the reasons I think I would like it (other than the actual reason that I will get to). My one son says, “Why are you specifically looking at a Toyota?” I was like, “I don’t know.” He says, “It is because of the ‘Toyota Last chance Sales Event?’” I was like, “yeah, it’s definitely because of the Toyota last chance sales event.” It was so bizarre, he said it with the exact rhythm and intonation of the commercial. I wouldn’t have come up with that on my own, but I definitely recognized it from the commercial. It shows how powerful advertising is, how it permeates our lives without us even knowing it. It’s so insidious that even our children will be parroting the words back to us to get us to succumb to the urge to buy a Toyota. Or whatever. It wasn’t really scary though, it was funny. The kids say funny things, there were other things, I just can’t remember them.
This has been covered in another blog, but I didn’t even tell my kids the real reason I want a prius. It’s not because it’s good for the environment or because it’s quiet. Although those are good corollary reasons. The real reason is because I think it is elegant, economical, and not showy in any way. Well, I shouldn’t say not showy in any way because I think a lot of people drive them to make a statement and feel all high and mighty for the environment, “We sold our Bentley and bought a Prius, we felt it was the right thing to do.” I think there is some of that out there, but that sorta makes it edgy. It’s almost like driving a Prius says “Fuck You” to the dinguses in their Porsches, BMWs, Benzs, Maseratis, Chevy Novas, etc. People that live in my neighborhood seem to gather some of their identity by what they drive. I think they think it’s important to “make a statement” with their vehicle. I think the statement they are trying to make is one of the following: I’m better than you, I have more money than you, or my parents have more money than yours and they left it to me. I just have no desire to play that game, and I think a Prius makes the statement that: Maybe I could play that game but I don’t want to, maybe I’m a tree hugger, maybe I just like crappy little quiet cars.
Back to car conversations with the kids. Well, it’s been a while since the kids had me speechless, but it happened yesterday. We were driving to meet my family for dinner, when my oldest, in 7th grade, said something to the effect of “you should’ve been an abortion” or something to one of the other kids. I said, “don’t ever say that, and abortion is a very bad thing, you shouldn’t talk about it or say those things to other people.” I mean, my kids have been to the Robert Crown Center, I think they know how the male and female reproductive systems work. Now that I think of it, I should probably sit my oldest down and have a talk. Just to make sure that he doesn’t think babies come out of women’s bellybuttons or something way off kilter. I’ll make a mental note of that. Ok. So we are sitting in the car and the word abortion is just hanging around in the air. I think one of the kids asked what an abortion was. I told them something like, “it’s a very bad thing and you are too young to understand it, but you shouldn’t talk about it.” I didn’t know what else to say. I know the boys are in Junior high, I know they talk, they should know what’s going on just from their friends. Obviously my third grade daughter has no idea. She definitely is not ready to have that discussion, maybe when she’s 25. I don’t know what more to say. I just think it’s something that everyone should consider: if you had to explain abortion to an adolescent, how would you do it? I think it would help a person to develop an opinion about it.
This has been covered in another blog, but I didn’t even tell my kids the real reason I want a prius. It’s not because it’s good for the environment or because it’s quiet. Although those are good corollary reasons. The real reason is because I think it is elegant, economical, and not showy in any way. Well, I shouldn’t say not showy in any way because I think a lot of people drive them to make a statement and feel all high and mighty for the environment, “We sold our Bentley and bought a Prius, we felt it was the right thing to do.” I think there is some of that out there, but that sorta makes it edgy. It’s almost like driving a Prius says “Fuck You” to the dinguses in their Porsches, BMWs, Benzs, Maseratis, Chevy Novas, etc. People that live in my neighborhood seem to gather some of their identity by what they drive. I think they think it’s important to “make a statement” with their vehicle. I think the statement they are trying to make is one of the following: I’m better than you, I have more money than you, or my parents have more money than yours and they left it to me. I just have no desire to play that game, and I think a Prius makes the statement that: Maybe I could play that game but I don’t want to, maybe I’m a tree hugger, maybe I just like crappy little quiet cars.
Back to car conversations with the kids. Well, it’s been a while since the kids had me speechless, but it happened yesterday. We were driving to meet my family for dinner, when my oldest, in 7th grade, said something to the effect of “you should’ve been an abortion” or something to one of the other kids. I said, “don’t ever say that, and abortion is a very bad thing, you shouldn’t talk about it or say those things to other people.” I mean, my kids have been to the Robert Crown Center, I think they know how the male and female reproductive systems work. Now that I think of it, I should probably sit my oldest down and have a talk. Just to make sure that he doesn’t think babies come out of women’s bellybuttons or something way off kilter. I’ll make a mental note of that. Ok. So we are sitting in the car and the word abortion is just hanging around in the air. I think one of the kids asked what an abortion was. I told them something like, “it’s a very bad thing and you are too young to understand it, but you shouldn’t talk about it.” I didn’t know what else to say. I know the boys are in Junior high, I know they talk, they should know what’s going on just from their friends. Obviously my third grade daughter has no idea. She definitely is not ready to have that discussion, maybe when she’s 25. I don’t know what more to say. I just think it’s something that everyone should consider: if you had to explain abortion to an adolescent, how would you do it? I think it would help a person to develop an opinion about it.
Friday, September 10, 2010
Don't read this
I’m really bumming cuz it looks like rain this weekend. I hope the weatherman is wrong. It’s like I’m taking the kids to the Michigan vs. Notre Dame game. I’ve been looking forward to it forever, my bud got me some solid tix. I’m ready to rock. The kids are amped. Family fun that can’t be beat. Now it looks like rain. That sucks. On other sucky news, the guitarist/singer from the band decided “thanks but no thanks.” He’s the guy that said he broke up his last band cuz he was a dick. He could (and did) carry the whole band though, and I like those types of musicians. I don’t know if those types of musicians like to carry everybody though. I’m guessing no. Practice got called off for tonight, so that’s good. They are trying to line up a practice for next Weds, but I can’t make it til later. That might be ok though. They can work on some songs and then I can come in and mop up around 9. I’m good like that.
I sent the punk rock girl a message on Match and she sent me an e-mail. We are gonna try to get together. I wanted to grab a beer tonight, but I haven’t heard back from her. I guess I should just IM her, I know that will go straight to her phone. I don’t know why I abandoned that as a means of conversation. I guess I thought it was invasive. I wouldn’t be crazy about someone IMing me on my phone so I didn’t want to do it to someone else. Well it’s basically the only way to communicate with this woman, so I might as well use it. It’s so weird in this day and age that communication would be difficult. People are basically accessible 24 hours a day via cell/text, I just can’t buy that people don’t have time for it. I think the punk girl is about it though. There’s some other woman stalking me on Match. She is pretty cute. She’s the one who said she was into music and when I asked who she said “nickelback and creed.” No lie. I shouldn’t be such a music snob. Maybe I’ll send her an e-mail. I can’t even remember how our first e-mails got derailed. I’m pretty sure she stopped messaging me. I’m also trying to devise a way to hook back in with the burlesque girl. That’s a work in progress. Hold the phone. I just got a Match e-mail and one of the women is smoking and it says she’s an intellectual. I’m not sure if that’s a good combo or not. It sounds good though. I think I have a better chance with the smarter ladies. Either that, or I just don’t feel like hanging around with an idiot just to get laid. It doesn’t really matter; I’d rather hang with a smart chick.
I got into a fantasy football league. I was going to blow this year off, but it’s so hard. Fantasy football has to be more addictive than crack. It just makes pro football a million times more fun. I can’t even watch the pros unless my fantasy guys are going. I don’t think I have a good team. This league kinda blows goats. No live draft. That is a shitfest waiting to happen. You just don’t know what you need when. I didn’t even know the draft order. It’s like, if I had one of the first 3 picks, I would’ve ranked those guys. I had the swing pick 10. Not a bad pick, but the computer picked two running backs I’ve never heard of. Some guy from the jets who gets to compete with LT, and some guy from the Chargers. Brees was still available. No doubt I would’ve picked him. My next two picks were Tony Romo, who is ok, and Desean Jackson. DJ absolutely hosed me two years ago. He spiked the ball on the 1 during regular season. That cost McNabb a td, and cost me the game that week. Well losing that game cost me #1 seed in the playoffs that year, and that cost me 2k. I ended up in 3rd place, lost in the semis. No money. DJ better make it up to me this year. I forget who else I have. Giants D, they’re pretty good. Jermichael Finley, is he any good? I might have to hit the waiver wire. I def need LT, if he’s available, handcuffage. I’m glad I’m doing FFB, it’s a good time.
The White Sox are looking pretty crappy. They might be out of it before Minnesota even comes to town. As of right now, the White Sox have to sweep them just to be in the picture. I don’t see it happening. I don’t think the Sox can catch the Twins. Stranger things have happened, but the Twins just never lose. They’ll prolly sweep the Sox. They’re better. If the Sox would’ve held onto Jim Thome, they would be a lot better off. If Peavy hadn’t gotten hurt, the Sox would probably be in the driver’s seat. Oh well. Wait til next year.
I sent the punk rock girl a message on Match and she sent me an e-mail. We are gonna try to get together. I wanted to grab a beer tonight, but I haven’t heard back from her. I guess I should just IM her, I know that will go straight to her phone. I don’t know why I abandoned that as a means of conversation. I guess I thought it was invasive. I wouldn’t be crazy about someone IMing me on my phone so I didn’t want to do it to someone else. Well it’s basically the only way to communicate with this woman, so I might as well use it. It’s so weird in this day and age that communication would be difficult. People are basically accessible 24 hours a day via cell/text, I just can’t buy that people don’t have time for it. I think the punk girl is about it though. There’s some other woman stalking me on Match. She is pretty cute. She’s the one who said she was into music and when I asked who she said “nickelback and creed.” No lie. I shouldn’t be such a music snob. Maybe I’ll send her an e-mail. I can’t even remember how our first e-mails got derailed. I’m pretty sure she stopped messaging me. I’m also trying to devise a way to hook back in with the burlesque girl. That’s a work in progress. Hold the phone. I just got a Match e-mail and one of the women is smoking and it says she’s an intellectual. I’m not sure if that’s a good combo or not. It sounds good though. I think I have a better chance with the smarter ladies. Either that, or I just don’t feel like hanging around with an idiot just to get laid. It doesn’t really matter; I’d rather hang with a smart chick.
I got into a fantasy football league. I was going to blow this year off, but it’s so hard. Fantasy football has to be more addictive than crack. It just makes pro football a million times more fun. I can’t even watch the pros unless my fantasy guys are going. I don’t think I have a good team. This league kinda blows goats. No live draft. That is a shitfest waiting to happen. You just don’t know what you need when. I didn’t even know the draft order. It’s like, if I had one of the first 3 picks, I would’ve ranked those guys. I had the swing pick 10. Not a bad pick, but the computer picked two running backs I’ve never heard of. Some guy from the jets who gets to compete with LT, and some guy from the Chargers. Brees was still available. No doubt I would’ve picked him. My next two picks were Tony Romo, who is ok, and Desean Jackson. DJ absolutely hosed me two years ago. He spiked the ball on the 1 during regular season. That cost McNabb a td, and cost me the game that week. Well losing that game cost me #1 seed in the playoffs that year, and that cost me 2k. I ended up in 3rd place, lost in the semis. No money. DJ better make it up to me this year. I forget who else I have. Giants D, they’re pretty good. Jermichael Finley, is he any good? I might have to hit the waiver wire. I def need LT, if he’s available, handcuffage. I’m glad I’m doing FFB, it’s a good time.
The White Sox are looking pretty crappy. They might be out of it before Minnesota even comes to town. As of right now, the White Sox have to sweep them just to be in the picture. I don’t see it happening. I don’t think the Sox can catch the Twins. Stranger things have happened, but the Twins just never lose. They’ll prolly sweep the Sox. They’re better. If the Sox would’ve held onto Jim Thome, they would be a lot better off. If Peavy hadn’t gotten hurt, the Sox would probably be in the driver’s seat. Oh well. Wait til next year.
Imagine
I have an overactive imagination and sometimes I think that’s not a good thing. I def think it’s an issue in this computer age. When I send out an e-mail or a text, I know that the other party gets it almost immediately. I know it’s out there, and I expect a response. Here’s an example. I have a friend who works in St. Louis, he’s my old boss. Well I’ve been reaching out to this guy on facebook, e-mail, and…that’s about it. But I’ve sent like 5 messages that didn’t get responses. My mind started to run. I seriously thought this guy was mad at me. Insert tragic story. So another guy that we worked with back in the day, his brother died. The guy who died was my age. I don’t know how he died, but it was crazy sad and I sent my condolences. Well I contacted this dude and said, “That was really tragic what happened to our friend.” No response. So then I start thinking, “ok, someone told this guy that I’m getting a divorce and he probably thinks I’m abandoning my kids, he probably thinks I’m a scuzzball and doesn’t want anything to do with me.” This is how my mind works. When something isn’t making sense, I will start to think of scenarios and then boil it down to the most likely one. I boiled it down to 2 scenarios, he’s really busy, or he’s angry at me. Finally I broke down and asked him if I offended him in some way. I did it in such a way that I didn’t come off looking like too much of a psycho. He got back to me right away, “Did I miss some e-mails, what happened, blah blah blah.” It was no biggie. He was just busy. Weird though.
Another weird thing happened to me yesterday. I was leaving work and some dude walks up to me and says, “Somebody’s gonna be pitched.” I’m like, “yeah?” This dude was one of those guys where you can’t pinpoint whether he’s homeless or what right away. My first thought (active imagination) was that someone was going to be pitched off of a roof or something for the Transformers movie that they’re filming. Although I thought they were done filming. Then he says again, “Somebody’s gonna be pitched. See that Cherokee back there? The windows busted out. Glass all over the place. Somebody’s gonna be pitched. I didn’t do it.” I was like, “Yeah. I didn’t do it either.” He’s like, “well somebody’s gonna be pitched.” Then as I approached the street to cross I noticed that he stepped back like the street was a river of molten lava. I said, “See you” as I crossed the lava to the safety of the other side. I think the guy wasn’t going to tempt fate by following me. Lucky.
It looks like rain for the Notre Dame vs. Michigan game. Bummer. I hope the weatherman is wrong. Either way I’m going to have to go out and buy some ponchos for me and the kids. It sucks standing in the rain, but you gotta do it sometimes. It’s just such a downer, cuz you just envision the day being nice, sunny, warm. You picture yourself throwing the football around, playing with the kids, having a cold one, eating a sandwich. You can’t do all that stuff in the rain. You can sit in the car. You can go inside. That’s about it. No need to get to the game early if you are just gonna sit in the car while it rains. It sucks. Weekend ahead. I’m sure I’ll have more stories next week. Hopefully I’ll have the story of a Michigan victory.
Another weird thing happened to me yesterday. I was leaving work and some dude walks up to me and says, “Somebody’s gonna be pitched.” I’m like, “yeah?” This dude was one of those guys where you can’t pinpoint whether he’s homeless or what right away. My first thought (active imagination) was that someone was going to be pitched off of a roof or something for the Transformers movie that they’re filming. Although I thought they were done filming. Then he says again, “Somebody’s gonna be pitched. See that Cherokee back there? The windows busted out. Glass all over the place. Somebody’s gonna be pitched. I didn’t do it.” I was like, “Yeah. I didn’t do it either.” He’s like, “well somebody’s gonna be pitched.” Then as I approached the street to cross I noticed that he stepped back like the street was a river of molten lava. I said, “See you” as I crossed the lava to the safety of the other side. I think the guy wasn’t going to tempt fate by following me. Lucky.
It looks like rain for the Notre Dame vs. Michigan game. Bummer. I hope the weatherman is wrong. Either way I’m going to have to go out and buy some ponchos for me and the kids. It sucks standing in the rain, but you gotta do it sometimes. It’s just such a downer, cuz you just envision the day being nice, sunny, warm. You picture yourself throwing the football around, playing with the kids, having a cold one, eating a sandwich. You can’t do all that stuff in the rain. You can sit in the car. You can go inside. That’s about it. No need to get to the game early if you are just gonna sit in the car while it rains. It sucks. Weekend ahead. I’m sure I’ll have more stories next week. Hopefully I’ll have the story of a Michigan victory.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Mall and Match
The hardest thing is being just borderline pretty solid. It’s like, if you are not attractive, you know it, and you deal with it. Like I saw a dude the other day with a fucked up hairdo, he was like 100 pounds overweight and had a megadeth t-shirt on. He looked like a mess. This dude, he’s not thinking he can hook up with some hottie, he’s just scoutin out the next cheeseburger (or 10). That’s easy. You don’t have to fret about whether you have a chance or not, you just know you don’t. I’m in the unfortunate position of knowing that I have a chance, and thus feeling like I need to make it happen and that I fucked up if I don’t make it happen. I know it takes more than 2 to tango, or something like that (Billy Madison, I love that line). It’s just I think I’m pretty awesome, so it’s a bit of a shocker when things don’t work out for me. It’s all about how you slice it up. You could say, I’m cool, if I just hang out, things will work out. You could say, I’m awesome, I need to go out and make things happen. It’s crazy. I wrote this yesterday, and I know what I was trying to say then, but I don’t have the same inspiration right now. All I was trying to say is that things are easier when you have low expectations and harder when you have high expectations. I need to figure out how to lower my expectations on myself and everyone else. I need to be a bit more chill. I think. I’m definitely tempted to put the dating on hold…
The reason I prolly won’t put the dating on hold is that I got an extension from Match.com. They have some kind of loser guarantee where if you shockingly don’t meet someone in 6 months they’ll give you another six. Well my deal was set to expire around the 14th, so I started trying to contact match. I called like 4 times and I kept getting put on hold forever or one time I made it all the way through and I was waiting for an operator when the line went dead. Total hosing. So then I called and I just hit the button for new subscription. I got an operator in like 3 seconds. The dude was really nice and even though I didn’t qualify for the extension, he gave it to me anyway. It’s what you call taking pity on a loser who can’t get a woman on a website with like 50,000 women on it in a 25 mile radius (possibly more I dunno). I still have the match thing til March, and I have OKCupid forever it would seem, so I’ll stick with it. It’s just I don’t have any time. With the band, the board membership, football season, the kids, I just don’t have time to date.
On the dating tip. The date yesterday went really well, but there wasn’t really a spark. I sent the girl an e-mail and she was really cool about it. She wants to stay in touch and be friends. That’s fine with me. I started thinking about the punk girl from Match. She’s the only one left out of all the women that I was talking about like a week ago. Wow they come and go. I sent her an e-mail and I’d like to try to get together with her tomorrow. We’ll see. I was thinking about dropping the burlesque dancer a line. She sorta just let our e-mail conversation die, so I can try to rekindle that. Lots of crazy stuff going on. Tons of good shows coming up too, so I’d like to line up a girlie to take with. The other crazy thing about match, I did this test where they try to pinpoint a woman that will be love at first sight. Basically you pick out of a bunch of pictures and different types of women and then they match that data against people in your area. They must use face recognition software or something. I totally forgot I did the thing, and I go on my matches and there’s this woman who is like visually exactly what I’m looking for, my perfect match (looks wise). I go through her profile and it’s like Something about Mary, she likes sports, she golfs, she is totally smoking. Then I realize that she is one of my love at first sight matches. That shit worked like nobody’s business. That kinda freaked me out. I did not message the girl, she had seriously bitchy picky stipulations in her profile: NO KIDS, NO DIVORCEES, DON’T WASTE MY TIME!!! She seemed like kind of a bitch. I think she was looking for a younger dude too. I think she also might’ve been into Nickelback. It was crazy how beautiful she was though. And I’m guessing still is.
The other dating thing I should mention is that there is this girl from Wisconsin who is nutty hot, I sent her a message about how I love dairy products and she has checked out my profile a few times. I think she is on the fence. I can’t decide if I should send her another message and say, “hey let’s chat, I won’t bite, hard.” I don’t know how that would go over though.
I went to the outlet Mall on Monday. I went with my ps (I’m such a loser) and we got there like an hour after it opened. The outlet mall is kind of a scam. I think you can get better deals at TJ Maxx than at the outlet mall. I did manage to handle some business though. I needed some new jeans and shorts. My old jeans just don’t fit. I’ve lost like 15 lbs and now my jeans are like potato sacks. They’re all baggy and look like shit. So I got some new jeans at Levis. I think they are pretty alright. I just can’t bring myself to buy nice designer jeans. I think they look stupid and guys that wear them look like tools. I got two pairs of Levi 514s in size 34. They are not too tight, but they’re a little snug. They properly display my buttocks. I picked up a pair of shorts at Oakley. I actually tried on some 32s and got them on, but if I would’ve tried to pick something up off the ground, they would’ve shredded. I really dig the stuff at Oakley, they have cool clothes. Then I busted over to the gap. You get crazy deals at the gap. I got a pair of jean shorts for $8. I tried on 35s and they basically fell off. I went with 33s. They have a lot of room too, I dunno what is up with their sizing. When I was waiting in line at the Gap there were some Eastern Block women in front of me. I got to thinking about how they are probably used to fighting 5 people for a loaf of bread and now they get to go shopping and buy shit in America; what a dream. I bet they think it’s a dream.
The reason I prolly won’t put the dating on hold is that I got an extension from Match.com. They have some kind of loser guarantee where if you shockingly don’t meet someone in 6 months they’ll give you another six. Well my deal was set to expire around the 14th, so I started trying to contact match. I called like 4 times and I kept getting put on hold forever or one time I made it all the way through and I was waiting for an operator when the line went dead. Total hosing. So then I called and I just hit the button for new subscription. I got an operator in like 3 seconds. The dude was really nice and even though I didn’t qualify for the extension, he gave it to me anyway. It’s what you call taking pity on a loser who can’t get a woman on a website with like 50,000 women on it in a 25 mile radius (possibly more I dunno). I still have the match thing til March, and I have OKCupid forever it would seem, so I’ll stick with it. It’s just I don’t have any time. With the band, the board membership, football season, the kids, I just don’t have time to date.
On the dating tip. The date yesterday went really well, but there wasn’t really a spark. I sent the girl an e-mail and she was really cool about it. She wants to stay in touch and be friends. That’s fine with me. I started thinking about the punk girl from Match. She’s the only one left out of all the women that I was talking about like a week ago. Wow they come and go. I sent her an e-mail and I’d like to try to get together with her tomorrow. We’ll see. I was thinking about dropping the burlesque dancer a line. She sorta just let our e-mail conversation die, so I can try to rekindle that. Lots of crazy stuff going on. Tons of good shows coming up too, so I’d like to line up a girlie to take with. The other crazy thing about match, I did this test where they try to pinpoint a woman that will be love at first sight. Basically you pick out of a bunch of pictures and different types of women and then they match that data against people in your area. They must use face recognition software or something. I totally forgot I did the thing, and I go on my matches and there’s this woman who is like visually exactly what I’m looking for, my perfect match (looks wise). I go through her profile and it’s like Something about Mary, she likes sports, she golfs, she is totally smoking. Then I realize that she is one of my love at first sight matches. That shit worked like nobody’s business. That kinda freaked me out. I did not message the girl, she had seriously bitchy picky stipulations in her profile: NO KIDS, NO DIVORCEES, DON’T WASTE MY TIME!!! She seemed like kind of a bitch. I think she was looking for a younger dude too. I think she also might’ve been into Nickelback. It was crazy how beautiful she was though. And I’m guessing still is.
The other dating thing I should mention is that there is this girl from Wisconsin who is nutty hot, I sent her a message about how I love dairy products and she has checked out my profile a few times. I think she is on the fence. I can’t decide if I should send her another message and say, “hey let’s chat, I won’t bite, hard.” I don’t know how that would go over though.
I went to the outlet Mall on Monday. I went with my ps (I’m such a loser) and we got there like an hour after it opened. The outlet mall is kind of a scam. I think you can get better deals at TJ Maxx than at the outlet mall. I did manage to handle some business though. I needed some new jeans and shorts. My old jeans just don’t fit. I’ve lost like 15 lbs and now my jeans are like potato sacks. They’re all baggy and look like shit. So I got some new jeans at Levis. I think they are pretty alright. I just can’t bring myself to buy nice designer jeans. I think they look stupid and guys that wear them look like tools. I got two pairs of Levi 514s in size 34. They are not too tight, but they’re a little snug. They properly display my buttocks. I picked up a pair of shorts at Oakley. I actually tried on some 32s and got them on, but if I would’ve tried to pick something up off the ground, they would’ve shredded. I really dig the stuff at Oakley, they have cool clothes. Then I busted over to the gap. You get crazy deals at the gap. I got a pair of jean shorts for $8. I tried on 35s and they basically fell off. I went with 33s. They have a lot of room too, I dunno what is up with their sizing. When I was waiting in line at the Gap there were some Eastern Block women in front of me. I got to thinking about how they are probably used to fighting 5 people for a loaf of bread and now they get to go shopping and buy shit in America; what a dream. I bet they think it’s a dream.
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Disposability
Oh boy, lunch date today. Should be interesting. Had a great chat with the girl last night and we really had a similar outlook on dating and everything. I told her about some of the near misses I’ve had, where you think there’s something there and if fizzles. She said she hasn’t felt like “there might be something there” in a long time. Bummer. We came to a few conclusions. Well one hard and fast rule. A connection should never end on a text. Wishful thinking for sure. I would probably have at least 2 connections still going if that were a cultural norm. Norm. So we got to chatting I said it’s frustrating with online dating because it seems accepted to treat other people as if they were disposable. There’s no question that for whatever reason, people look at online dating connections as disposable. Maybe the person just doesn’t have time for it and it’s a nuisance. “Oh well, it’s only an online dating thing, who cares.” Who knows what the motivations might be. I don’t live my life that way. I don’t treat people as if they were disposable. I at least give them the respect and courtesy that everyone deserves. I told that one girl from OKC that it just wasn’t a match. I told the punk girl from Match that I wasn’t interested. It’s hard to give someone the dis, but it’s the right thing to do. If you exchange an e-mail with someone, if there is a connection, you owe it to the other person to give them closure. That’s how I feel anyway. So we’re chatting last night and the girl says, “Well you are not disposable to me.” That was so cute. What a nice thing to say. I told her that she is not disposable to me either. I wonder if that is the first time that exchange has ever been made. It could become a cultural norm. Norm. Before you say you are “in like.” Before you say “I’m way into you.” Before you say “I lll*vv u.” You say, “You are not disposable to me.”
I had a good weekend. I had the kids on Friday. That was fun. Then on Saturday morning I cruised to South Bend for the Notre Dame/Purdue game. Good time. Hung with some Purdue faithful, and ND faithful. It was a nice crisp day. A little windy. A little chilly at times. Overall, good football weather. ND won the game and Brian Kelly got off to a good start as ND head coach. I’m trying to think of other eventful things. Good times meeting up with an old friend of a friend. At one point does a friend of a friend just become a friend? I guess I would call this guy and the others of his ilk that went to ND with my friend, friend. The game was fun. I guess Michigan looked really good in their game. I’m glad. Next week’s game should absolutely rock. Nothing better than two undefeated teams going head to head. I don’t know how many years Michigan and Notre Dame are going to play. Maybe 2. It sounds like M wants to move on. With the restructuring in the big 10, we might end up playing Ohio State twice in a season, we’ll also play Nebraska every year. I’m thinking that they will stagger Ohio State and Nebraska so that we don’t have them at home in the same year, that will help our season ticket sales. Prolly wouldn’t hurt to have Michigan State and ND in there too to sweeten the thing. Who knows. It was a fun day at ND though, it was good to hang with everybody. It’s a long day though. I got up at 6 am to get on the road, by 10 pm, I was kinda beat. We all went out though, which was good. Had some beers. Took it easy, that was the wise thing to do. I think we were tempted to keep it going at like 1230, but discretion was the better part of valor and we all went back and crashed. Good move.
I’m glad I crashed cuz my boys had their first football games on Sunday. We were really worried about our one son making weight. He had to lose like 9 ounces in 2 days. I don’t know how it all works, but he came in at 3 pounds under the weight limit. I know he worked hard and ate very little for like 2 days, still, that seems like a big shift in 2 days. We weren’t going to question it. He had a good game. It’s always nice when you are basically one of the biggest guys on the field. He seemed to be in the backfield on every play on defense. He stripped the ball on one play and stopped a guy in the backfield on another. It was fun to watch. They rolled their opponents too. I think they won like 33 to 7 or something. My other son’s team got rolled. It looked like he was mixing it up when he got in there. That was good. It was a fun time.
Ok. Phew. For a second there I had nothing to write about. I totally forgot about the e-mail I had sent myself with possible topics in it. I have a ton to talk about now. I went with my ps to Costco on Sunday. They wanted me to look at the computers. While we were there I grabbed some other necessary items like socks, t-shirts, and 6 lbs of protein shake mix. I’M GONNA GET HUGE!!!!!! On the way home, they mentioned to me about this woman who recently got divorced. She was our neighbor back in the day and now her whole family lives in one of the nicest subdivisions in town and they are all filthy rich. This woman is about 8 years older than me. Back in the day, she was really cute and no question an object of my pre-pubescent fantasies. Who knows what she looks like now. I’m definitely not a cougar guy, or I don’t even know if that classifies as cougar. I think I’m too old to be cougar prey, I could be wrong. I started thinking about it though, just because that’s what my mind tends to do. It would seriously be like winning the lottery, well sort of. I could never do it; I’m just getting out of an unhappy relationship, so I would not seek to enter a new relationship on questionable grounds. I guess it’s just something you have to consider. You have to think about what might be best for you and your kids. It’s like, I would be totally comfortable, my kids’ college would be paid for, no worries about money ever again. At what cost though? The cost of self-fulfillment. I’m sure I wouldn’t be motivated to do anything if I had no financial worries. I couldn’t cheat on her, I’m not like that, so if I was unhappy, I’d just have to live with it. I thought this would be a long solid philosophically fruitful discourse, it’s not working out that way. It all depends on what you are looking for. I’m looking for a solid meaningful relationship of equals, hopefully with someone who I find physically attractive. Some guys might be looking for a sugar momma. If they look hard enough, they’ll find one. They’re out there.
I guess that is enough. I gotta figure out what’s up with lunch. I will have more tomorrow.
I had a good weekend. I had the kids on Friday. That was fun. Then on Saturday morning I cruised to South Bend for the Notre Dame/Purdue game. Good time. Hung with some Purdue faithful, and ND faithful. It was a nice crisp day. A little windy. A little chilly at times. Overall, good football weather. ND won the game and Brian Kelly got off to a good start as ND head coach. I’m trying to think of other eventful things. Good times meeting up with an old friend of a friend. At one point does a friend of a friend just become a friend? I guess I would call this guy and the others of his ilk that went to ND with my friend, friend. The game was fun. I guess Michigan looked really good in their game. I’m glad. Next week’s game should absolutely rock. Nothing better than two undefeated teams going head to head. I don’t know how many years Michigan and Notre Dame are going to play. Maybe 2. It sounds like M wants to move on. With the restructuring in the big 10, we might end up playing Ohio State twice in a season, we’ll also play Nebraska every year. I’m thinking that they will stagger Ohio State and Nebraska so that we don’t have them at home in the same year, that will help our season ticket sales. Prolly wouldn’t hurt to have Michigan State and ND in there too to sweeten the thing. Who knows. It was a fun day at ND though, it was good to hang with everybody. It’s a long day though. I got up at 6 am to get on the road, by 10 pm, I was kinda beat. We all went out though, which was good. Had some beers. Took it easy, that was the wise thing to do. I think we were tempted to keep it going at like 1230, but discretion was the better part of valor and we all went back and crashed. Good move.
I’m glad I crashed cuz my boys had their first football games on Sunday. We were really worried about our one son making weight. He had to lose like 9 ounces in 2 days. I don’t know how it all works, but he came in at 3 pounds under the weight limit. I know he worked hard and ate very little for like 2 days, still, that seems like a big shift in 2 days. We weren’t going to question it. He had a good game. It’s always nice when you are basically one of the biggest guys on the field. He seemed to be in the backfield on every play on defense. He stripped the ball on one play and stopped a guy in the backfield on another. It was fun to watch. They rolled their opponents too. I think they won like 33 to 7 or something. My other son’s team got rolled. It looked like he was mixing it up when he got in there. That was good. It was a fun time.
Ok. Phew. For a second there I had nothing to write about. I totally forgot about the e-mail I had sent myself with possible topics in it. I have a ton to talk about now. I went with my ps to Costco on Sunday. They wanted me to look at the computers. While we were there I grabbed some other necessary items like socks, t-shirts, and 6 lbs of protein shake mix. I’M GONNA GET HUGE!!!!!! On the way home, they mentioned to me about this woman who recently got divorced. She was our neighbor back in the day and now her whole family lives in one of the nicest subdivisions in town and they are all filthy rich. This woman is about 8 years older than me. Back in the day, she was really cute and no question an object of my pre-pubescent fantasies. Who knows what she looks like now. I’m definitely not a cougar guy, or I don’t even know if that classifies as cougar. I think I’m too old to be cougar prey, I could be wrong. I started thinking about it though, just because that’s what my mind tends to do. It would seriously be like winning the lottery, well sort of. I could never do it; I’m just getting out of an unhappy relationship, so I would not seek to enter a new relationship on questionable grounds. I guess it’s just something you have to consider. You have to think about what might be best for you and your kids. It’s like, I would be totally comfortable, my kids’ college would be paid for, no worries about money ever again. At what cost though? The cost of self-fulfillment. I’m sure I wouldn’t be motivated to do anything if I had no financial worries. I couldn’t cheat on her, I’m not like that, so if I was unhappy, I’d just have to live with it. I thought this would be a long solid philosophically fruitful discourse, it’s not working out that way. It all depends on what you are looking for. I’m looking for a solid meaningful relationship of equals, hopefully with someone who I find physically attractive. Some guys might be looking for a sugar momma. If they look hard enough, they’ll find one. They’re out there.
I guess that is enough. I gotta figure out what’s up with lunch. I will have more tomorrow.
Friday, September 3, 2010
Fryday
Well I reached out to 3 new women last night. One of them is drop dead smoking. She went to Wisconsin and is blonde. I’m a sucker for blondes. One of them got back to me. She seems really nice. She might be a little big. But as Spinal Tap says, “The bigger the cushion, the sweeter the pushin.” I’m totally drawing a blank on other women that were in the picture. I think they’re pretty much all gone. One punk girl was sorta hanging on, I told her let’s switch to e-mail, she sent me an e-mail, I replied, and that was it. Whatever.
I met with the guys from Red Tape Theatre. I had a suspicion that I would attend the meeting and walk away without really knowing what the duties of a board member actually entail, that suspicion was confirmed. I guess they meet quarterly, talk money, talk about the projects, talk about direction, that’s about it. I don’t think there really is a set list of duties for board members. The guys were really cool. It was fun to hear them talk about the theater because they had so much passion for it. It’s exciting. I love the theater. It is a love that kind of went dormant, but when I was in New York I saw a couple of shows and it reminded me of how much I like it. I am pretty sure I could be a board member if I choose to be. I think I’ll probably do it. I really feel like it’s something I should consider. I feel like it could open up some doors and teach me about myself. I also might get laid by dropping the fact that I’m on the Red Tape Theater board. It can’t hurt.
It was really weird yesterday. I wrote about an elephant in the room. Brendan from Bad Sandwich Chronicles used the same line in his blog. That’s fucked up. Usually people say there’s a gorilla in the room. I said elephant, he said elephant. Maybe people say elephant too and it’s not that weird. On the subject of the elephant. I was talking to my buddy Nick, the member of the ensemble who got me to consider becoming a board member. I was telling him about the practice last night, joking with him and laughing about the people. As I reflected on the moment and how people really like me, I realized that I’m pretty kick ass. If people don’t see that right away and want to be around that, then fuck em.
Speaking of the band. J/K, they’re cool. So I got there and I could hear them playing. I rang the doorbell and walked in. The dude was coming up to get the door and there I was in the dark. I scared the shit out of him. Nice first impression. He is a cool dude, we’ll call him Ken. Ken lives alone in a house about 2 minutes from my parents, perfect. It’s just him because he’s going through a divorce, the house is on the market. That’s going to be the practice spot. It’s really a quirky little house, cool though. I dunno what Ken’s deal is, but he’s got a BMW z4 in the garage. He said he was a high school teacher. He had shaggy hair and tattoos, I’m guessing he might have some trouble with the co-eds. The guys all came up and helped me bring my stuff down. I found a spot and set up. For our first song together, we decided to play Lucky man by the verve. I was nervous, I’m used to punk. I don’t know Lucky man well, the first time I heard it was like a week ago and maybe I’ve listened to it 4 times since then. We get going and I guess I was driving it a little hard. I guess I should’ve known by the fact that the singer couldn’t keep up. Finally one dude, we’ll call him Barney, stops it and starts getting on me (in a nice way) about the tempo, which I don’t like. I said I don’t know the song that well. He said, I can help you out. So he got this drum machine pedal going and it was totally annoying. I played along with it and thankfully we moved on to another song. Just Like Heaven. I’ve heard this song a million times, I know it, although I don’t have the crashes quite down yet. We played it and all the guys had boners. They thought we nailed it even though we didn’t. At least we didn’t have that damn click-track thing going. We never got that going again, which is good. Next we played Fake plastic trees. This is a good one cuz it starts slow and crescendos. It really lets us just jam, there’s no way to screw it up, it’s too simple. This song sounded good too and I think the guys were starting to realize that I can play. I wanted to play Where is my mind, they didn’t know it yet. We did play Just Like honey. That needs some work. We played a little of Pictures of you, that’s pretty easy and the drum is the same for the whole thing. I wish I had the little bells thing that is used in that song. I also wish I had the rattlesnake thing for Reptile, I might actually buy that. We also rocked I am the resurrection, Everyday is like Sunday, with or without you and a bastardized version of Sunday Bloody Sunday. It was really cool. The guys were cool. The guy that complained about the tempo, Barney. Barney is a little annoying. He talks about how he’s not good, which is rather pointless. We’re all good enough to play the songs. We don’t have to be much better. We’ll get better. Then Barney will be a total stickler about tempo and stuff. Weird. The other guy, Kyle (he looks like Kyle Gass a little), he’s probably the best musician, he also sings and does a pretty solid job of it. Kyle seemed cool and relaxed, then he came out with this gem, “My last band broke up because I was too much of a dick to everybody.” Not exactly the right thing to come out with at the first practice. We ended the jam and people started talking about what kind of band we wanted to be. Well I have a total vision for this band. We should be called 120 minutes. Have 3 1-hour sets of classic alternative tunes, and play at suburban bars. These guys seemed pretty adamant that they wanted to write some originals and eventually be all original. We’ll see how that goes.
At the end of the practice, the doorbell rings and someone comes in. It was definitely a woman, and she sounded young. The guys were packing up and I didn’t have to pack cuz I was just leaving everything. I go upstairs to see what’s up. Ken is talking to this girl (woman) that looked like a girl. She was short. She may have come from gymnastics practice. She had a jogging type bra on and some kind of bikini type bottoms and then gym shoes. She was ripped. She had to have been like 2% body fat. I almost got a boner just standing there. She was blonde, little, ripped, apparently a gymnast. Where do I sign up. I gotta do a match search for gymnastics. I’m guessing she was Ken’s girl. You go Ken!
I’m just about out of here. I have a short day today. Top secret. Then I’m off to ND tomorrow for the game. I’m pretty geeked about that. Although my dad informed me that we are leaving at 630 am tomorrow. I won’t even have time to work out. What can you do? Everybody have a good labor day weekend, and if you get a chance, rock out.
I met with the guys from Red Tape Theatre. I had a suspicion that I would attend the meeting and walk away without really knowing what the duties of a board member actually entail, that suspicion was confirmed. I guess they meet quarterly, talk money, talk about the projects, talk about direction, that’s about it. I don’t think there really is a set list of duties for board members. The guys were really cool. It was fun to hear them talk about the theater because they had so much passion for it. It’s exciting. I love the theater. It is a love that kind of went dormant, but when I was in New York I saw a couple of shows and it reminded me of how much I like it. I am pretty sure I could be a board member if I choose to be. I think I’ll probably do it. I really feel like it’s something I should consider. I feel like it could open up some doors and teach me about myself. I also might get laid by dropping the fact that I’m on the Red Tape Theater board. It can’t hurt.
It was really weird yesterday. I wrote about an elephant in the room. Brendan from Bad Sandwich Chronicles used the same line in his blog. That’s fucked up. Usually people say there’s a gorilla in the room. I said elephant, he said elephant. Maybe people say elephant too and it’s not that weird. On the subject of the elephant. I was talking to my buddy Nick, the member of the ensemble who got me to consider becoming a board member. I was telling him about the practice last night, joking with him and laughing about the people. As I reflected on the moment and how people really like me, I realized that I’m pretty kick ass. If people don’t see that right away and want to be around that, then fuck em.
Speaking of the band. J/K, they’re cool. So I got there and I could hear them playing. I rang the doorbell and walked in. The dude was coming up to get the door and there I was in the dark. I scared the shit out of him. Nice first impression. He is a cool dude, we’ll call him Ken. Ken lives alone in a house about 2 minutes from my parents, perfect. It’s just him because he’s going through a divorce, the house is on the market. That’s going to be the practice spot. It’s really a quirky little house, cool though. I dunno what Ken’s deal is, but he’s got a BMW z4 in the garage. He said he was a high school teacher. He had shaggy hair and tattoos, I’m guessing he might have some trouble with the co-eds. The guys all came up and helped me bring my stuff down. I found a spot and set up. For our first song together, we decided to play Lucky man by the verve. I was nervous, I’m used to punk. I don’t know Lucky man well, the first time I heard it was like a week ago and maybe I’ve listened to it 4 times since then. We get going and I guess I was driving it a little hard. I guess I should’ve known by the fact that the singer couldn’t keep up. Finally one dude, we’ll call him Barney, stops it and starts getting on me (in a nice way) about the tempo, which I don’t like. I said I don’t know the song that well. He said, I can help you out. So he got this drum machine pedal going and it was totally annoying. I played along with it and thankfully we moved on to another song. Just Like Heaven. I’ve heard this song a million times, I know it, although I don’t have the crashes quite down yet. We played it and all the guys had boners. They thought we nailed it even though we didn’t. At least we didn’t have that damn click-track thing going. We never got that going again, which is good. Next we played Fake plastic trees. This is a good one cuz it starts slow and crescendos. It really lets us just jam, there’s no way to screw it up, it’s too simple. This song sounded good too and I think the guys were starting to realize that I can play. I wanted to play Where is my mind, they didn’t know it yet. We did play Just Like honey. That needs some work. We played a little of Pictures of you, that’s pretty easy and the drum is the same for the whole thing. I wish I had the little bells thing that is used in that song. I also wish I had the rattlesnake thing for Reptile, I might actually buy that. We also rocked I am the resurrection, Everyday is like Sunday, with or without you and a bastardized version of Sunday Bloody Sunday. It was really cool. The guys were cool. The guy that complained about the tempo, Barney. Barney is a little annoying. He talks about how he’s not good, which is rather pointless. We’re all good enough to play the songs. We don’t have to be much better. We’ll get better. Then Barney will be a total stickler about tempo and stuff. Weird. The other guy, Kyle (he looks like Kyle Gass a little), he’s probably the best musician, he also sings and does a pretty solid job of it. Kyle seemed cool and relaxed, then he came out with this gem, “My last band broke up because I was too much of a dick to everybody.” Not exactly the right thing to come out with at the first practice. We ended the jam and people started talking about what kind of band we wanted to be. Well I have a total vision for this band. We should be called 120 minutes. Have 3 1-hour sets of classic alternative tunes, and play at suburban bars. These guys seemed pretty adamant that they wanted to write some originals and eventually be all original. We’ll see how that goes.
At the end of the practice, the doorbell rings and someone comes in. It was definitely a woman, and she sounded young. The guys were packing up and I didn’t have to pack cuz I was just leaving everything. I go upstairs to see what’s up. Ken is talking to this girl (woman) that looked like a girl. She was short. She may have come from gymnastics practice. She had a jogging type bra on and some kind of bikini type bottoms and then gym shoes. She was ripped. She had to have been like 2% body fat. I almost got a boner just standing there. She was blonde, little, ripped, apparently a gymnast. Where do I sign up. I gotta do a match search for gymnastics. I’m guessing she was Ken’s girl. You go Ken!
I’m just about out of here. I have a short day today. Top secret. Then I’m off to ND tomorrow for the game. I’m pretty geeked about that. Although my dad informed me that we are leaving at 630 am tomorrow. I won’t even have time to work out. What can you do? Everybody have a good labor day weekend, and if you get a chance, rock out.
Oh you love it
Well Kurdt pulled himself out of the vicious spiral. He seems pretty ok. I’m almost done with the book, so he must have a horrible relapse. He wrote a really nice note to his dad about how he doesn’t hate him, and he also wrote a really interesting love note to Courtney Love. He’s working on In Utero (geez did I have to wrack my brain to come up with that title) and he seems pretty into it. Something’s got to give though. Only 50 pages left. Quick read, I wouldn’t recommend it unless you are really into Nirvana.
Big practice with the band tonight. I had the kids last night and got home late. I just wanted to crash but I had to break down my drums and load them into the car. Good times. It wasn’t too bad. I’m a little worried cuz I packed my drums in the car and then drove it to park by the train. I hope I don’t come back to smashed windows and no drums. That would suck major balls. I also have the meeting today with the guys from Red Tape Theater. It should be good. I think the guy from work who is in the theater is gonna go, and another guy at work who is interested in being a bored member. Using bored instead of board is a Cobain thing. He does it all the time and you would think it’s clever, but it’s really annoying. The guy is obviously intelligent, but his grammar is not the best, you have to wonder if he’s trying to pull a cute pun, or if he just effed up. Hopefully I’ll have lots to report tomorrow. I was thinking about it this morning and it will be cool to hang out with these dudes and jam. There is always something to be gained from meeting new people and sharing information. I’m fired up. Should be a blast. Rock is good. I’m ready to rock out.
I guess I shouldn’t pretend like there isn’t an elephant in the room. I’m not quite over that thing with the girl. I’m really getting there though. It’s funny how the mind works and how it heals itself. I’ve been thinking about this a lot of different ways. At the very basic level, we were not compatible. She is a vegetarian, into languages, into world travel, very active, ran a half marathon (and put up a very good time), young, beautiful, successful?, mother of 2 young kids, seemingly pretty serious, foodie?, likes to cook, she might like to camp, don’t know if she likes animals, etc. She’s also going through a divorce just like me, so there’s that, she just started a new job. I’m not really buying that she didn’t have time to communicate, she just didn’t want to. I think that’s pretty obvious from the choice she made on Sunday. I’m not gonna say that I didn’t fuck it up, but she could’ve understood my frustration and said “hang in there we’ll talk soon.” She took the out because she wanted it. Maybe she does like me, but she def wanted to simplify. So I was thinking last night about writing her a serious goodbye, I just basically tossed out a “ThX, good luck with everything” final comment cuz I was pissed that she dissed me. As I was thinking about what I would say, part of it went something like this “I just wanted someone to share things with” and I was going to go into a list of things over the last month that I would have shared with her if she was remotely accessible or communicative. It was a long list. Then it dawned on me, she doesn’t want to share things with me, and she doesn’t want me to share things with her. I should just find someone who wants to share things. If the person I find wants to share her stevens, that’s fine too. As far as the goodbye goes, I don’t have anything to say. I was also gonna mention that I have tix to see The National at the Riv. I got the tix cuz she’s really into the National. Now it’s sold out. I dunno. It might be a good idea to leave it a few weeks and then text her to see if you would want to go to the National just as buds or something. I can’t decide. Or I could sell the tix for twice face and go to the boats.
Lotsa steeuff going on. I’m going to the ND game on Sat which should be fun. Kinda bummed to miss M’s opener, but we might get our dicks slapped by UConn, so I’m probably not missing much. I’ve got other things going on that are top secret. If I have news, you’ll hear it. The boys play their first football games on Sunday. That should be fun. I dunno what else. That’s it.
Big practice with the band tonight. I had the kids last night and got home late. I just wanted to crash but I had to break down my drums and load them into the car. Good times. It wasn’t too bad. I’m a little worried cuz I packed my drums in the car and then drove it to park by the train. I hope I don’t come back to smashed windows and no drums. That would suck major balls. I also have the meeting today with the guys from Red Tape Theater. It should be good. I think the guy from work who is in the theater is gonna go, and another guy at work who is interested in being a bored member. Using bored instead of board is a Cobain thing. He does it all the time and you would think it’s clever, but it’s really annoying. The guy is obviously intelligent, but his grammar is not the best, you have to wonder if he’s trying to pull a cute pun, or if he just effed up. Hopefully I’ll have lots to report tomorrow. I was thinking about it this morning and it will be cool to hang out with these dudes and jam. There is always something to be gained from meeting new people and sharing information. I’m fired up. Should be a blast. Rock is good. I’m ready to rock out.
I guess I shouldn’t pretend like there isn’t an elephant in the room. I’m not quite over that thing with the girl. I’m really getting there though. It’s funny how the mind works and how it heals itself. I’ve been thinking about this a lot of different ways. At the very basic level, we were not compatible. She is a vegetarian, into languages, into world travel, very active, ran a half marathon (and put up a very good time), young, beautiful, successful?, mother of 2 young kids, seemingly pretty serious, foodie?, likes to cook, she might like to camp, don’t know if she likes animals, etc. She’s also going through a divorce just like me, so there’s that, she just started a new job. I’m not really buying that she didn’t have time to communicate, she just didn’t want to. I think that’s pretty obvious from the choice she made on Sunday. I’m not gonna say that I didn’t fuck it up, but she could’ve understood my frustration and said “hang in there we’ll talk soon.” She took the out because she wanted it. Maybe she does like me, but she def wanted to simplify. So I was thinking last night about writing her a serious goodbye, I just basically tossed out a “ThX, good luck with everything” final comment cuz I was pissed that she dissed me. As I was thinking about what I would say, part of it went something like this “I just wanted someone to share things with” and I was going to go into a list of things over the last month that I would have shared with her if she was remotely accessible or communicative. It was a long list. Then it dawned on me, she doesn’t want to share things with me, and she doesn’t want me to share things with her. I should just find someone who wants to share things. If the person I find wants to share her stevens, that’s fine too. As far as the goodbye goes, I don’t have anything to say. I was also gonna mention that I have tix to see The National at the Riv. I got the tix cuz she’s really into the National. Now it’s sold out. I dunno. It might be a good idea to leave it a few weeks and then text her to see if you would want to go to the National just as buds or something. I can’t decide. Or I could sell the tix for twice face and go to the boats.
Lotsa steeuff going on. I’m going to the ND game on Sat which should be fun. Kinda bummed to miss M’s opener, but we might get our dicks slapped by UConn, so I’m probably not missing much. I’ve got other things going on that are top secret. If I have news, you’ll hear it. The boys play their first football games on Sunday. That should be fun. I dunno what else. That’s it.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Two blogs for the price of 1
The poker is no longer red hot. I still feel a little shitty, but way better than I felt yesterday. I got a great night’s sleep, so that helped. Well I fell asleep around 930 and I woke up at 3. Obviously I was thinking about that girl, and then I got this idea of writing her a text and saying sorry. The more I thought about it, the more I had to do it. So I grabbed my cell and wrote this long text. I didn’t send it though, sending a text at 3 am, she’d prolly call the cops. Anyhoo, I don’t think I’m gonna send it. I really don’t feel like I have anything to apologize for. I feel like I was the one who was being mistreated, strung along, etc. I just don’t believe that she was so busy that she couldn’t drop me a text or a call and check in. Any woman who was remotely interested, would have. We went on a date and haven’t spoken since. That was a month ago. I just don’t think there’s anything there, and what was there kinda got squashed by all the stuff we’ve been going through. I might as well share the text with you all, cuz I don’t think I’m going to send it.
M:
Can you forgive me one late-night ill-conceived text? All I’m guilty of is wanting to talk to you. I’m sorry I put you on the spot like that. It was immature. I was just trying to gauge your interest. Probably not wise to do it after drinking rogue ales at a punk show. You nailed it when you said it’s frustrating. The whole crazy mess we are going through is frustrating. I just thought we could help each other through it. If you can talk sometime, let me know.
J
Pretty pathetic. I still have some self dignity left. I better walk with the smidge that remains and try to rebuild with somebody else. I have a couple of prospects. Just nothing compared to this girl, she is smart and way cute. She’ll make somebody happy, or some other sad sack miserable, I can’t decide which.
I’m kinda torn about the whole thing. I like to take something away from these failures, but I’m not sure what to take away from this one. Dr. Love says (OMG how far have I fallen?) that when a girl is interested she lets you know, and why waste your time with a woman who isn’t interested when you can find one that is. I think that is what my punk show buddy was getting at when he suggested I come clean with her. When I told him that it was over he said “Good, now you can devote that energy to something else.” I was talking to my other buddy and his brother at the wake, they basically took the opposite tack. They thought I should’ve waited it out. Knowing what I know now, I would go back and wait it out. No redos on some of these things though. One thing I would take away and I knew this but my judgment was clouded, no ultimatums. There’s no win with an ultimatum. It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy. Give a woman an ultimatum and she’ll walk away every time. Tipsy texting, that’s gotta go, unless I know the woman really well. That’s two potentially good matches that got butchered due to texts. When in doubt, don’t send the text.
Today is really hard. I don’t know why. I haven’t lifted in a couple of days and I lifted today. Maybe that threw off my body chemistry. I’m just feeling this sickening sense of loss. I really feel like I majorly fucked up and I’m pretty pissed at myself about it. I’m also reading Curt Kobain’s diary, and that’s not exactly a feel good read. I’m getting to the point where he’s about to off himself. He’s really in a vicious spiral of pain and drugs. I guess he had some kind of stomach ailment that would make him violently ill for extended periods and in intense pain. He was taking drugs to deal with it. He was on heroine and had to kick a couple of times. Courtney was involved too. I’m thinking that Courtney kinda pushed him into the grave. I hate to say it, but I don’t think she was the right person for him. He definitely had mental issues and throw drugs and alcohol in there and it’s a recipe for disaster.
I’ve got so much crazy stuff going on in my life right now. It’s really a mess. I got an e-mail yesterday from the old punk band that threw me out and wanted to go on tour. I think I mentioned that in a previous blog. Now they want me to play drums with them at this Tea Party event up in BFE somewhere. It’s on Sunday the 12th. I have the kids, so it doesn’t line up. If I didn’t have the kids, I’d probably do it. There’s really no risk. If I suck, then who cares? I practiced the songs for my new band last night. We have a practice tomorrow night and I don’t think I’m going to be able to practice again before then. The songs are really good. Where is my mind, Fake Plastic Trees, Where the streets have no name, Pictures of you. I was only going to go through half the songs, and I ended up going through all of them. I basically played the drums straight through for an hour. That’s a good way to blow off some steam. The songs are not easy, and there are only a few that allow for some rest. In the past, I would’ve needed a nap after Streets, and now I can just roll with it. I guess I’m getting into pretty good shape. Running and lifting, it’s carrying over into other areas, which is cool.
Tomorrow I’ve got the meeting with the guys from Red Tape Theatre. That should be cool. I’m curious to hear what they have to say. Then I have to run and get to band practice by 8. I think the other guys are meeting at 6. Which is kinda weird. I guess I’ll be there at 6 next Thursday. So tomorrow is going to be busy and then I’m going to the ND game this Saturday, so that should be fun. I’m going to miss M though, which kinda stinks. I’ll have to DVR the M Game. I’ll be at the M game the next week though cuz they are playing ND. Rock on. That should be fun. That’s about it. I’m just not inspired today.
M:
Can you forgive me one late-night ill-conceived text? All I’m guilty of is wanting to talk to you. I’m sorry I put you on the spot like that. It was immature. I was just trying to gauge your interest. Probably not wise to do it after drinking rogue ales at a punk show. You nailed it when you said it’s frustrating. The whole crazy mess we are going through is frustrating. I just thought we could help each other through it. If you can talk sometime, let me know.
J
Pretty pathetic. I still have some self dignity left. I better walk with the smidge that remains and try to rebuild with somebody else. I have a couple of prospects. Just nothing compared to this girl, she is smart and way cute. She’ll make somebody happy, or some other sad sack miserable, I can’t decide which.
I’m kinda torn about the whole thing. I like to take something away from these failures, but I’m not sure what to take away from this one. Dr. Love says (OMG how far have I fallen?) that when a girl is interested she lets you know, and why waste your time with a woman who isn’t interested when you can find one that is. I think that is what my punk show buddy was getting at when he suggested I come clean with her. When I told him that it was over he said “Good, now you can devote that energy to something else.” I was talking to my other buddy and his brother at the wake, they basically took the opposite tack. They thought I should’ve waited it out. Knowing what I know now, I would go back and wait it out. No redos on some of these things though. One thing I would take away and I knew this but my judgment was clouded, no ultimatums. There’s no win with an ultimatum. It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy. Give a woman an ultimatum and she’ll walk away every time. Tipsy texting, that’s gotta go, unless I know the woman really well. That’s two potentially good matches that got butchered due to texts. When in doubt, don’t send the text.
Today is really hard. I don’t know why. I haven’t lifted in a couple of days and I lifted today. Maybe that threw off my body chemistry. I’m just feeling this sickening sense of loss. I really feel like I majorly fucked up and I’m pretty pissed at myself about it. I’m also reading Curt Kobain’s diary, and that’s not exactly a feel good read. I’m getting to the point where he’s about to off himself. He’s really in a vicious spiral of pain and drugs. I guess he had some kind of stomach ailment that would make him violently ill for extended periods and in intense pain. He was taking drugs to deal with it. He was on heroine and had to kick a couple of times. Courtney was involved too. I’m thinking that Courtney kinda pushed him into the grave. I hate to say it, but I don’t think she was the right person for him. He definitely had mental issues and throw drugs and alcohol in there and it’s a recipe for disaster.
I’ve got so much crazy stuff going on in my life right now. It’s really a mess. I got an e-mail yesterday from the old punk band that threw me out and wanted to go on tour. I think I mentioned that in a previous blog. Now they want me to play drums with them at this Tea Party event up in BFE somewhere. It’s on Sunday the 12th. I have the kids, so it doesn’t line up. If I didn’t have the kids, I’d probably do it. There’s really no risk. If I suck, then who cares? I practiced the songs for my new band last night. We have a practice tomorrow night and I don’t think I’m going to be able to practice again before then. The songs are really good. Where is my mind, Fake Plastic Trees, Where the streets have no name, Pictures of you. I was only going to go through half the songs, and I ended up going through all of them. I basically played the drums straight through for an hour. That’s a good way to blow off some steam. The songs are not easy, and there are only a few that allow for some rest. In the past, I would’ve needed a nap after Streets, and now I can just roll with it. I guess I’m getting into pretty good shape. Running and lifting, it’s carrying over into other areas, which is cool.
Tomorrow I’ve got the meeting with the guys from Red Tape Theatre. That should be cool. I’m curious to hear what they have to say. Then I have to run and get to band practice by 8. I think the other guys are meeting at 6. Which is kinda weird. I guess I’ll be there at 6 next Thursday. So tomorrow is going to be busy and then I’m going to the ND game this Saturday, so that should be fun. I’m going to miss M though, which kinda stinks. I’ll have to DVR the M Game. I’ll be at the M game the next week though cuz they are playing ND. Rock on. That should be fun. That’s about it. I’m just not inspired today.
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