Sad Boy

I kinda feel like I got a red hot poker jammed in my stomach. I fucking nuked that relationship I had going and I’m sorta bummed about it. I dunno. I went to a show last night. Teenage Bottlerocket. It was pretty good. I was hanging with my buddy and we were talking. We got to talking about this girl and I brought him up to speed on it. I guess I was just getting frustrated. The last time I talked to her was a month ago. Since then we’ve just exchanged random texts that usually end with me sending one and not receiving one. I hate to be a needy little girl, but I definitely needed more communication. My bud and I were talking about it and he was just like, come clean with her. The more I thought about it, the more sense it made. My original plan was just to wait it out. That just doesn’t fit with my personality. I just wanted to be honest with her. It probably wasn’t the best idea to send a text at 1130 on a Sunday night. I just figured it was as good a time as any. I basically just said that the “one text every two weeks situation wasn’t working for me.” I told her that if it doesn’t work for her, then let’s talk more. Or if she just wants to call it a day, let’s just do that. I’ve been fighting the urge to give her the out, because I really didn’t want her to take it. She took it. She basically responded that she has been busy with her divorce, two kids, new job, etc., and that she wishes me all the best. The funny thing is, I didn’t have to wait 3 days to get the response, I got it almost immediately. I was hoping for “let’s talk this week,” but I think I set myself up, and now I just have to accept the fact that I nuked the thing.

Teenage bottlerocket was pretty good. They remind me of the methadones a lot, except that they’re not the methadones which is kind of a bummer. I’d rather see the methadones. The show was at this place called Subterranean. I’ve never been there. Upon arrival, we walked into the vestibule and the music was emanating from the upstairs. I guess Subterranean is a bit of a misnomer, we ascended the stairs and entered the rock area. The place was pretty tiny. I guess it’s a little bigger than the beat kitchen. I wouldn’t say it could hold more than 200 people. I could be wrong there. They have an upstairs area where you can look over the balcony and see the band. We were like 5 feet from the stage and we really didn’t need any better vantage point, our spot was pretty sweet. There were some pretty cool looking punks there. Not really real punks, more posers, but they were getting pretty rowdy. There was a nice mosh pit going. My buddy got in there and mixed it up. I really didn’t. I’m sure I would own right now, I’m in pretty solid shape. I just wasn’t up for it. Some guy was getting rambunctious next to me, so I started pushing him. Then he grabbed me and we started jumping around and smashing into people. I let go and let him get enveloped by the mosh and that was that, I went back to my chill position. I guess Neil from the Lawrence arms was playing drums for TB cuz their drummer had a broken hand. I really couldn’t tell that the drummer was switching and I have no idea what Neil looks like, so I didn’t know until they announced it. That’s pretty cool that he can just sit in and play with about anybody and any time. I’m guessing he’s a TB fan or friend and knows the songs, which would help. Neil also played drums on the Noise by Numbers album.

I’ve got a crazy busy week this week, which is good I guess. I’ll be really glad to get some sleep tonight. I haven’t slept more than 5 hours in the last two days. The A/C is out and it’s like a million degrees in my room. I slept w just a sheet over me last night and I was a sweaty mess. I’m pretty worn down right now, I worked out yesterday morning, then I took the boys for a run. When the boys were done running, I went on another mile or so and I think I put in about 3 miles. Then we went golfing in the afternoon. I was just dying in the heat. Throw the show in there and I’m basically totally spent right now. Today I have the kids and I have to go to a wake tonight. Then tomorrow I’ve got this management training thing at work til 7. Wednesday I have the kids. Thursday I’m meeting with the guys from Red Tape Theatre, then I think I have practice with the new band. I’m nowhere near ready to play the new songs. I haven’t practiced. I gotta try to work in some practice this week. I also need to work out and sleep. I’d like to get a couple of runs in there too. Crazy times.