Ozzie knows...

I just heard the song second guessing yesterday by REM. It’s a solid tune. They did it at that Live at Olympia theater thing in Dublin. You gotta check that out, it’s pretty awesome. But man, I am tired of second guessing. I’m tired of second guessing myself. As I was going through the divorce initially, I was second guessing everything. It’s so fucking hard. I mean with kids. I knew I was doing the right thing for me, but I was mostly concerned about them. When it came down to it, I was willing to do the Irish divorce and just stay together for the kids and not really have anything other than a business relationship. Then it turned out that even that wasn’t going to work, and my wife didn’t want that anyway. I’m glad that as things went along, my suspicions were confirmed, and my fears justified. I definitely came to the conclusion that I did the right thing, and that fighting for the kids is also the right thing. I have to thank God for giving me the ability to persevere through all the doubt and conflicting stories and stick with my instincts.



Well I had to go with my instincts again, and although I was waffling about it yesterday, every day gets easier and easier. It’s tough, when I was last on the dating scene, you met face to face first, so you knew what you were dealing with (for the most part, unless you were drinking). You primarily communicated over the phone, a land line, not even a cell. No Match.com, Harmony, no e-mail, texting, cell phones. Now it’s a completely different ballgame. Now you can basically have a whole relationship and not even meet. You connect online, you begin exchanging messages or e-mails. Then the big step…phone call. You talk on the phone, maybe for hours. These are almost like dates. Then maybe, she sends you some pix. If you’re lucky, they will be very provocative. At this point, the dude is like, “let’s meet today.” It’s tough though, cuz schedules conflict and things drag on. If you don’t act on that initial spark and nurture it, or meet up and let it flame out, then it just fizzles. As time passes, someone might get busy, they might meet someone else on line, doubt creeps in. Maybe she doesn’t want to meet up. Maybe she doesn’t look like the pix and she’s nervous. She’s thinking, maybe he’s a weirdo, maybe those pix aren’t of him. Maybe he’s dangerous. Communication becomes stilted, it doesn’t flow. It seems like you’re saying the same things, or she says something kinda wack, or you say something kinda wack. Or worse, you text something that gets misinterpreted, and the other side just completely doesn’t get you or thinks you are something you’re not. People were designed to meet in person. Nature intended it that way. Nature didn’t make the cell phone, computer, internet, text message, etc. When you don’t meet in person, things are more likely to fizzle out. Oh well. Lesson learned. Things happen for a reason, and you gotta trust your instincts.



I dunno if it’s better just to not know something, or to know. It’s like if someone is talking shit about you or thinks you’re a dbag behind your back, do you want to know? And when you find out, do you want to confront that person? I give people the benefit of the doubt and I try to forgive and forget. I could definitely be friends with someone who had shit talked me in the past. I think. I dunno. In the computer age, you figure these things out. Like today. I was doing my e-mail review and I noticed that the system picks up IMs for review. Hrm. I went through some of the IMs of people who are no longer here. Some of the IMs were talking about me. When I first started I really felt like people were against me and that no one wanted to help me. It’s hard when you are trying to integrate as the new person and people are covertly against you. It’s hard when you just start, cuz you don’t want to be paranoid. During my review today, I picked up on some conversations where people were going above my head and my bosses head to shittalk the both of us. I had been at the job like maybe a month when this was going on. I know some people got passed over for my job and there were some hard feelings. I was out of work for 8 months. I have a family, mortgage, mouths to feed, bills. I was also going through a divorce. Whatever, it’s water under the bridge, I’m not mad about it, it’s more kind of hurtful. I’m not naïve, I’m not dumb. I knew people were very funny towards me and they seemed to avoid me at times. They didn’t nod or say hi when we walked down the aisle. I didn’t get it. It doesn’t make for an easy transition though. It’s hard to have a functioning team when people are covertly working against other team members. I’ve mentioned before that these people were young, and now they are all gone to other places and hopefully better things. I have no idea what my point is on this, other than, once again, my hunch was proved correct. It doesn’t take a scientist to figure out when people think you’re a dbag though, I think I mentioned that in another blog.