Ello, I'm the Beatles.

Geez dudes there’s so much to talk about. I could write like 10 pages. And I will. The problem is, although I have a ton to write about in my personal life, I’m going to write about The beatles. I don’t know what the beatles have to do with anything. How the fuck could beatles be a misspelled word? They are like the most famous band in the history of the world, can we please put them in the fucking dictionary so there’s no red line under Beatles in Microsoft word? Oh, I get it now, The Beatles are so fucking unbelievably transcendent, that they have to have the first letter capitalized or it would be misspelled. “Listen dipshit, we are talking about the biggest band ever, they changed the way people thought, the way people felt, the way people felt each other, fucking capitalize that shit, or you know what, it’s wrong.” That’s what Microsoft is telling me. Let’s see something, Microsoft, fucking Microsoft. If you try to type Microsoft with a lower case m, it automatically changes to capital, those smarmy bastards.

The Beatles. I was in Vegas last weekend. Completely different story. I saw one awesome show whilst I was there. Love. Cirque du Soleil. It was pretty awesome. Probably would’ve been better on mushrooms or something, but I was stone sober and it was still good. The thing about CDS is that it tells a story. The problem is that it tells a story in such an abstract way that unless you are a cryptographer, you really don’t know what’s going on. So basically trying to sit there and pick the story out of all the tricks and spectacular stunts etc; it’s a waste of time and energy. Like mushrooms (so I’ve heard) you’ve kinda just gotta sit back and let CDS happen to you. The visuals are unbelievable, the stunts are pretty awesome, and there are also some hot chicks thrown in there for a change of pace. I really don’t want to spoil it, but the stunts are the best part. There are some people in this world with some really tripped-out talents. People who do trapeze like stuff but with things other than trapezes. It’s really hard to explain. The whole thing was set to Beatles music and the choices were pretty solid. It was also cool that they used obscure versions of most of the tunes, so it wasn’t the version that was beaten to death, it was the one-off they did in John’s studio when they were on acid or something. So anyway, they played my favorite Beatles song. I have to come forward and openly admit that I’m not a Beatles fan. I appreciate their music. I hear their influence, especially in the indie stuff out today. I do have a favorite Beatles song. Amazingly, this song got voted as the best Beatles song recently. I think this was a new poll, because Hey Jude was always up there and I forget what else is usually on top. But in this new poll, and to me, the best Beatles song is…A Day in The Life.

So on Sunday, I’m back from Vegas. I’m driving over to pick up my daughter to take her to rehearsal. I turn on WXRT, and they are doing Beatles breakfast or whatever with Terry Hemmert. And what do you know, they play A Day in The Life. I start thinking about the first time I heard the song. I totally remember where I was when I first heard that song. The song ends and Terry comes on and she says, “Can you remember where you were when you first heard that song?” I was like, “TERRY! I CAN TOTALLY REMEMBER!” I didn’t shout though. When I was in 4th grade, or between third and fourth grade, I went to camp. This was no ordinary camp. It was weight watchers camp. Kind of a funny story about how I ended up at weight watchers camp, other than that I was fat, cuz I was. Although this may sound odd, my dad used to take a lot of baths. That’s not odd. When I would come home, I would talk to him while he was in the bath tub. Kinda weird. One day, I’m feeling a little bummed about being fat, and I didn’t want to take responsibility for my situation, cuz I’m a kid, so I wanted to blame somebody else. So I said to my dad, “Dad…Why did you let me get fat?” I think as a dad, this is the equivalent of a kick to the nuts. I think he was bummed, he knew I was in a situation that I didn’t want to be in, and I blamed him and my mom. So that Summer, I went to fat camp. It was a weight watchers camp, and it was located in Wisconsin near Sheboygan at Lakeland College. Pretty cool campus. I remember “Old Main.” I think that was where we lived, it was supposedly haunted.

So I’m at Fat Camp, and I have the lamest roommates ever. I couldn’t wait to get out of that room. I think my roomie had to sleep with the door open and the light on. I had to get out of there. There were a couple of guys down the hall, one of them was really fat, I think he had like candy bars and stuff stashed like a junkie in prison. I moved in with him, he was funny and the other guy was funny, but I think I was sleeping on a mattress on the floor, which sucked. The coolest guys were across the hall, everyone respected them for some reason. They were cool, nice guys, Josh and Sol. After a while, they invited me to room with them, I guess cuz I’m a cool guy. Or maybe it was because I was into D and D at the time and liked to paint the little metal figures and people thought that was cool. I don’t know, that was a sidebar. Josh was cool, laid back, Sol, he was hot and cold. Josh really liked the Beatles, a lot. I can’t remember if I was even into music in 3rd grade, if I was, it was The who, Dire Straits, Blondie, BTO, and roller skating music (J Geils Band?). Josh had the Beatles pumping 24/7 and at an early age, the Beatles didn’t really do it for me. There was one song that came on and I was like, “Heyyyy…What is this?” It was A Day in the Life. That’s a fricking song. That song speaks to me. I feel like the guy in the song. That song is so kick ass, you would think it was recorded at Apple Studios on $10,000 equipment (in 1965). It was recorded on a 4 track. That’s what Terry Hemmert said, and I’m kind of skeptical now because there are some elaborate string parts in it. Maybe the backbone and vocals were recorded on a 4 track. The song is a little quirky too, like it almost sounds like they took 2 different songs and mashed them together. It’s still my favorite Beatles tune. A close second and also first heard at Lakeland college in Old Main courtesy of Mr. Josh Saffren, Maxwell’s silver hammer.

That’s it. I’ll be back with tales of debauchery from Las Vegas.