I really don’t have anything interesting to talk about. NO fun Vegas stories. No back shaving. No Beatles songs. My life is getting back to boring. Which means this blog is gonna suck. Sometimes though, sometimes the little things can be twisted and made into stories. I’m going to try to take some little things and twist them, like a titty.
This thing wasn’t so little. My d. No, actually I was riding the train yesterday and trying to study for the Series 4. I’m chillin, really trying to focus which was difficult. The train lurched. We were moving. Cool. Solo. I left my satchmo where it was by my feet, like usual. The seat was wide open. To my surprise, some dude sits down. Bummer. I should’ve blocked off the opportunity. I’m not a hermit. I don’t care if people sit next to me, in fact I keep the seat open on the off chance a hottie plops down next to me and we hit it off. That has never happened. Random dude sits down. He looks pretty normal. Casual dress, upscale, not unkempt. I think he had a north face jacket on. He looked like a potential Hindalean, I think he did get off in Hinsdale (thank God). The reason I thank God that this guy got off at the first stop, he had horrendous BO. Off the charts. As soon as he sat down I got a whiff, and almost barfed. Every time he shifted in his seat a cloud of crud smell wafted over to me and I couldn’t focus. I had to put the Series 4 stuff in my backpack, and pull out the newspaper. I sat there absolutely livid. Does this guy not have access to a shower? Deodorant? Proper hygiene? How could this seemingly upscale looking dude smell this bad? Tough day in the trading pit? Did he sprint 20 blocks? Forget the deode this morning? It was awful. Any person with a half a nut in their bag would’ve said, “Excuse me.” And politely moved to another section of the train, or jumped off while the train was going 40. I just sat there. I guess I’m a puss.
Speaking of oddness, I was waiting in line at Wendy’s two days ago and I think an insane asylum was on a field trip or something. There were two women in front of me, both seemed mentally challenged and both were morbidly obese. I couldn’t figure out what their deal was, but they ordered like 49 dollars worth of food. It took for-flipping-ever for their order to be taken. Which was tough for me…because I had an insane man behind me. No question he was insane, he was fidgeting, looked unkempt, had weird glasses on that were way dirty, and had greasy matted down hair. Textbook weirdo. This dude says to me, “Ex..Excuse me, do you hap happen to know what time it is?” I pulled out my iphone and said, “It’s 6:34.” He says, “Th Thank you. I g g guess there are still good people in the world.” Does that classify as good? Telling someone what time it is? I dunno? I just said, “I guess so.” I was gonna say something really kind like, “You’re a good person too.” I didn’t though. Sin of omission. So dude starts talking to me, as crazy people are often wont to do. He says, “I’m r really worried about my friend… She’s going to have surgery on her eyes.” I said, “I see.” I really didn’t. By the way, the guy didn’t stutter, it just makes for better theatre. I said, “Yeah. That’s scary.” He’s like, “Yeah. I’m very scared about it. I’m also very depressed right now.” It’s like, “Well you should probably keep that to yourself.” I think I said, “I’m sorry to hear that.” I wanted to say, “Waiting 15 minutes in line will do that to you, especially when there are only two people in front of you.” I get up there and I’m hungry but not crazy hungry. I ended up with a pretty solid order. I don’t like to waste a lot of money on food when I eat for free at work, so I got a jr bacon double cheeseburger and a small frosty. I also got a water. My total 2.15. Not too shabby. I took my winnings and went to an area that was fairly bright and highly populated. I did this because I figured that crazy guy would be least likely to follow me there. I was right. I ate in peace and I guess the people at Wendys know crazy guy cuz they were all nice to him and saying goodbye when he left. How nice.
Since I’m on the subject of crazy street people. I saw an awesome street person the other morning. I was walking up Wabash to work. It was chilly. Probably like 40 degrees. I spot this dude asleep on the sidewalk sorta half in the sidewalk, half jammed into an alcove type area. This guy has completely wrapped in a comfortable looking quilt. He was all nestled in. I was half tempted to crawl in there with him. Just kidding. I was kinda jealous though cuz I wished I was still in bed, even if bed was a sidewalk in Chicago. As I got closer I saw a McDonald’s cup perched next to him. It was a large (old large, now probably a small, you know the tall one.) It was filled to the brim. With amber colored acrid urine. Hrm. Hi there. I guess that works. Dude had it all right there. Some people have huge mansions, sleep in king size beds, walk a half mile to take a piss. Some people curl up with their comforter on the sidewalk and piss in a cup one foot away. Who is the crazy person?
Tomorrow is Friday. TGIF. Not much going on for me. No kiddies, I’ll probably practice my drums and study for the 4. I’m planning on taking the 4 next weds, that should be enough time. I should be able to pass it right now, but I have a suspicion that it would be close, and I don’t want to fail, so I’m going to study. I’m going to see the Methadones on Saturday night. It’s their last show. I’m pretty geeked. I hope they play all my favorite tunes. Although it would be awesome if they did something weird and only played Ramones Covers or something. We’ll see. Ciao.
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Welcome to the hotel california
Warning, this is a long one. It's about my trip to Las Vegas.
I’m definitely thinking about getting my back waxed. I just can’t decide how to do it. Not how to get it waxed, I’ve read up on it, and you just go to a salon and have it done. What I’m talking about is how to style it. Seriously, this is a difficult dilemma. I’d like to get all the hair taken off my shoulders, upper back and then when it gets down to above my butt, I’m a little stuck. It’s a slippery slope. If you go down below the waist, then you might as well just shave your legs too. If you stop above the waist, then you’ve got hair pants. Well sort of, cuz I don’t plan on waxing my front. If a woman doesn’t like chest and tummy hair, then I gotta move on. I mean what do women want now? Do they want like a pre-pubescent dude with no hair? I’m not going there. The leg hair is staying. The arm hair is staying. So when it comes to the lower back, I’m thinking that maybe I’ll leave a little hair there and let it sorta fade into my legs. I have no idea actually. I guess it’s trial and error. Or trial and Hair-er.
I really wanted to talk some about Vegas, but the memories are starting to fade. One thing that happened last week is I got divorced. I have been in the process of getting divorced for about 18 months. Long time. Well it all sort of blew up and we got it settled and hammered out without going to trial. That’s about all I can say. It’s done. It all got wrapped up around 330 last Wednesday and as luck would have it, I boarded a flight for Vegas at 540 that afternoon. It was really luck. Kind of an odd juxtaposition, but as I had just closed the casket on my marriage, I was cruising out to Vegas to help my parents celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary. Not much interesting on the way out. I had the book The Girl with The Dragon Tattoo with me. I read for basically the whole flight. At one point, I was falling asleep, only I was in the middle seat. So I basically had to try to fall asleep sitting up. That doesn’t work. I would fall asleep and then my head would dip down and I’d wake back up. Did that for about a half hour and then gave up. Got to Vegas, made the fatal error of taking a shuttle out. So an hour later I get to my hotel. We were staying at the Wynn Encore. It was pretty darn posh. Very nice rooms. As soon as I got there I took a bath. They had a TV in the bathroom to watch when you take a bath. That’s kind of a pain in the ass. I don’t know I feel funny about touching the remote when I’m all wet, and I can’t leave the TV on any station for more than a few minutes. It ended up on ESPN, but I wasn’t really watching it. When I got out of the tub, I prolly should’ve just gone to bed, but instead, I went down to gamble. I didn’t have much money, so I was a little nervous. I sat down and played some blackjack.
I do know the basic strategy for blackjack, and if you don’t know the basic strategy, or parts of it, then you are what they call a sucker. And people will probably be pissed at you at the blackjack table if you screw things up. I personally think that it’s all pretty random as far as other players go. If a guy hits hard 14 against a 6, maybe he takes a bust card that would’ve busted the dealer, maybe he take a card that would’ve helped the dealer. Who knows. It is annoying though, because you don’t want to bust when the dealer is showing a bust card. So it’s a stupid move. When I play blackjack, I use a modified basic strategy. There are a bunch of tables that you have to memorize when it comes to doubling and splitting. I don’t remember them all. I know soft doubling is pretty key. You have a soft hand when you have an ace. When you have an ace, you can’t bust on one hit. So you can always hit or double down when you have an ace (depending on house rules). When the dealer is showing a bust card, 5 or 6, maybe 4 sometimes, you should double a soft 18 or lower. Soft doubling is probably the best advantage a player has against the house. High probability that the dealer will bust, you have a chance to double your bet, the odds are in your favor. So I’m pretty aggressive with soft doubling. Some people don’t know this, but you can always ask the dealer what the right play is. They usually know the right strategy. Do you split 2s vs a 4? Ask the dealer. So I played some blackjack. I just wanted to hang around for a while and break even. They did bring me free drinks, which I wasn’t sure if they were still doing. That’s one bonus to gambling, the free beer. Basically I sat there for about an hour, drank a beer, and made 100 bucks. Once I got up, I took off. I just can’t afford to give it back.
That was Wednesday. I cruised back to my room and slept. I got up the next day at like 6 cuz you can’t sleep in Vegas. I texted my Dad and we went to breakfast. We went somewhere in the Wynn and it was so dam good. I had this concoction pulled pork eggs benedict. It was eggs benedict over cornbread with pulled pork, bbq sauce, cheese, potatoes. It was so good. Great way to start the day. Then I went back to my room and got in bed. Got up and went to the health club. Got pumped up like hans and franz, then went to lunch. We all went to the Venetian for lunch. It was pretty cool. They had the gondolas outside, inside it was like Venice I guess. They had street performers doing acrobatic shit and juggling on stilts, singing, and making merry. It was pretty cool. They had a guy that was pretending to be a statue. I wasn’t sure if those guys were mimes or what. We were sitting at the table and we had a basket full of rolls. It’s Vegas, so I asked the group if they thought someone had ever thrown a roll at the statue guy. I said it has to have happened. The thoughts were mixed and people were trying to encourage me to do it. I wasn’t going to embarrass my ps the day before their anniversary, so I declined, I was tempted though. After we ate we got gelato, I went up and took a picture with the statue. I asked him if anyone had ever thrown something at him, he shook his head no. Dam mime. Thursday night as mentioned in a previous blog, I saw Love. It was really good. Then I came back and my whole fam was hanging out in the bar area so I had a beer with them. I got a fat tire and it was pretty good. I thought I didn’t like FT, I guess it’s ok. Next I made a fatal error. I sat down for blackjack. When in Vegas, you gotta do. The problem was that the table limit was raised to 25. The night before it was 15. At 25, I had to cash in 200 just to be able to hang (8 hands). Well I never really got up much, it was mostly a fight to get back to even. Until the dealer went on a run and cleaned me out. Back to the room dejected. I was really pissed. No question losing at Blackjack is a lower low than winning is a high. It doesn’t even out.
The next morning I got up and went back to the Blackjack table to get my money. My fam was going to breakfast. While we were waiting for everyone to get their stuff together, I played some blackjack. The limit was down to 10, so it was good for me. 100 is 10 hands. That’s better for basic strategy cuz BS evens out in the long run. Hence why table limits get raised. I sit down and some sad sap is getting beaten up. It’s just me and him. He was cool, he was in town for his 10th anniversary or something. Once I sat down, he started just killing em. Then he upped his bets and we both started winning. I walked away with 100 and I think he made like 1000. Rockin. So I got my money back. I’m back to scratch. We went to Dennys. Ate. I came back and worked out. I think I sat down and played some more blackjack. There’s a blackjack session that I can’t remember, but I’m pretty sure I made another 100 somewhere. The big plan for the day Friday was to go to the pool. They have a pool at the Wynn that allows for European sunbathing. Topless action. I was supposed to go hang out there with my brothers. They ended up bailing, and I went down there with my Ps. Kind of odd. Not bad though. Cuz they had a nice bar there, and my ps got me a fat tire, and we all sat around and chatted. Very nice. They got Pina coladas, and they were the worst PCs I have ever had, and I’m a fan (also like getting caught in the rain FYI). Friday was the warmest day, the day I figured peeps would be out. There were some hotties there, no boobies, I ended up cruising to another pool. I cruised and was pretty lit cuz I hadn’t eaten since Dennys and my ps didn’t do much damage on their PCs, they left them for me.
So I’m sitting there listening to my ipod and some dude starts talking to me. I have no idea what his name is, but he’s from New Jersey. He grew up in New York. The guys must’ve been 73 or so. This guy had a lot of stories. I guess he owned a liquor store and made a lot of money from it. Now he’s retired and traveling around the world. Cool. He definitely had some tall tales. He told me some story about the guy who came to date his daughter. The guy was a black belt (right). So the guy comes to the door and Jersey Guy says, “If you ever harm my daughter in any way I’m going to kick your ass.” Or something like that. Guy says, “I’ll drop you in 40 seconds.” Jersey says, “I’ll drop you in 30.” I guess the thing came to blows and Jersey says he dropped the guy in 10 seconds. Tall Tales. He also played semi pro baseball, and somebody offended him so he hit the guy with three pitches when he came to bat and put him in the hospital or something. Tall tales. Finally the guy left. He was ok. I got in the hot tub. It was full of weird dudes. They were from Australia or something. The problem with the hot tub is that it wasn’t hot. At this point it’s like 3 and starting to cool off. There was a cool breeze. Hot tub should be hot. Then all the aussies light up cigarettes. The hot tub became a smoke cloud. I bailed. I cruised back to the hotel room and got ready for dinner.
We had dinner at the clubhouse to the golf course which is basically a very nice restaurant. It was fun. We drank some wine. My sis in law had sent around a questionnaire for everyone to fill out to tell stories about my parents. Some really funny stuff came out and everyone had a good laugh. I got a tasting menu and I have to say the food was decidedly ok. Not as awesome as I had planned. I really wanted the gumbo, and that ended up being a disappointment. Then they had this sirloin that was tasty but a little rare for me. For dessert they had beignets or some French donut that’s basically a funnel cake. That was ok. The wine was good. I was feeling groovy. After dinner we all went to our rooms and I think everyone wanted to go to bed. Not happening in Vegas though. It was our last night. So we all went to see Kevin James and Ray Romano do stand up at the Mirage. It was pretty good. I thought their bits were funny. Some of their stuff was just ok, and had been beaten down. Ray Romano did a funny bit about ordering porn on the TV at his hotel. Another bit kind of related was about how legalized prostitution makes Vegas so great. Kevin James did a funny bit about people with walkers that have hand breaks and they’re all suped up. They both came out at the end and answered questions. That was kind of pointless. Kevin did one of Ray R’s bits, and he was doing a pretty funny impersonation of RR, and RR got all bent out of shape about it. They decided to do the bit together which was amazing that they both knew it well enough to do it remotely synchronized, although it was hard to follow and rather pointless. As is always the case, the opener was the best part of the show, he was some dude off of RR’s show and he was funny. If you asked the guy behind me, the dead air between jokes was funny. I had a hard time following some of the bits because the guy behind me thought that as soon as a comedian opened their mouth, it was time to laugh. He must’ve been doing whippits or something.
After the show it was like midnight which is 2pm in Chicago. It was time for everyone to go to bed. So we all went back to the hotel. Only I kept going. It’s Vegas Baby! Just down the strip from us was Circus Circus and The Riviera. If you don’t know the Riviera, it’s where they used to tape The Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling show back in the day. A classic. I think I played some blackjack there with Nonotchka. So yeah, I head to the Riv. It was pretty dirty and filled with losers. They had some kind of serious cover band playing in this room in front of basically no one. Then there’s a bar outside of there which looks like it caters to ex convicts. The one thing they had which spoke to my proclivities was dancing girls by the blackjack tables. They had two girls pole dancing, scantily clad, while you sat down and played Blackjack. Good idea. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to play though, so I checked the ladies and then cruised to CC. Circus Circus was a total dive. I figured what the heck, so I sat down and played some blackjack. The chips were so old, that they were dirty, they had grime caked onto them and I grimaced every time I had to touch one. Def needed to wash hands after that. I sat down with some people who were like 19 and just engaged or just married. They had like 20 dollars to gamble with and I think they might have been mentally challenged. The girl hit a hard 17 or something against a dealer 6, I wanted to tackle her. At the Encore, when you hit hard 17, they need the pit bosses approval, which should tell you that it’s a bad idea. Some guys sat down that seriously looked shady, they were speaking another language and probably had ridden camels to school at some point in their lives. I got down and battled back to scratch, so I left. I was gonna go back to the Encore, but something about the Riv spoke to me. I stopped there and sat at the tables w/ female entertainment. That worked out pretty well. The people were pretty cool. They didn’t know what they were doing, so they thought I was Amarillo Slim or something. I kept getting blackjacks like I owned the place. I was tipping out pretty generously to the dancers, and to the dealer who was female and stacked. I still walked out of there with over a hundred. I think that put me up around 200 on the trip. I don’t think I’ve ever left Vegas with more money than I came with, so it was time to head home. On my way home I grabbed some of the complimentary literature on the street. Vegas has a nice system for sharing information, the research proved enlightening.
The next day I got up. Ate breakfast with the group. We went to this place the Pepper Mill. It looked like a good place to hang. They had like a speakeasy in back with fireplaces and plush seating. I think a lot of “deals” go down in there. Probably good people watching at night. We had flights to catch, so it was off to the airport and back to chitown. I can’t wait to head back to Vegas though, it’s always a good time.
I’m definitely thinking about getting my back waxed. I just can’t decide how to do it. Not how to get it waxed, I’ve read up on it, and you just go to a salon and have it done. What I’m talking about is how to style it. Seriously, this is a difficult dilemma. I’d like to get all the hair taken off my shoulders, upper back and then when it gets down to above my butt, I’m a little stuck. It’s a slippery slope. If you go down below the waist, then you might as well just shave your legs too. If you stop above the waist, then you’ve got hair pants. Well sort of, cuz I don’t plan on waxing my front. If a woman doesn’t like chest and tummy hair, then I gotta move on. I mean what do women want now? Do they want like a pre-pubescent dude with no hair? I’m not going there. The leg hair is staying. The arm hair is staying. So when it comes to the lower back, I’m thinking that maybe I’ll leave a little hair there and let it sorta fade into my legs. I have no idea actually. I guess it’s trial and error. Or trial and Hair-er.
I really wanted to talk some about Vegas, but the memories are starting to fade. One thing that happened last week is I got divorced. I have been in the process of getting divorced for about 18 months. Long time. Well it all sort of blew up and we got it settled and hammered out without going to trial. That’s about all I can say. It’s done. It all got wrapped up around 330 last Wednesday and as luck would have it, I boarded a flight for Vegas at 540 that afternoon. It was really luck. Kind of an odd juxtaposition, but as I had just closed the casket on my marriage, I was cruising out to Vegas to help my parents celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary. Not much interesting on the way out. I had the book The Girl with The Dragon Tattoo with me. I read for basically the whole flight. At one point, I was falling asleep, only I was in the middle seat. So I basically had to try to fall asleep sitting up. That doesn’t work. I would fall asleep and then my head would dip down and I’d wake back up. Did that for about a half hour and then gave up. Got to Vegas, made the fatal error of taking a shuttle out. So an hour later I get to my hotel. We were staying at the Wynn Encore. It was pretty darn posh. Very nice rooms. As soon as I got there I took a bath. They had a TV in the bathroom to watch when you take a bath. That’s kind of a pain in the ass. I don’t know I feel funny about touching the remote when I’m all wet, and I can’t leave the TV on any station for more than a few minutes. It ended up on ESPN, but I wasn’t really watching it. When I got out of the tub, I prolly should’ve just gone to bed, but instead, I went down to gamble. I didn’t have much money, so I was a little nervous. I sat down and played some blackjack.
I do know the basic strategy for blackjack, and if you don’t know the basic strategy, or parts of it, then you are what they call a sucker. And people will probably be pissed at you at the blackjack table if you screw things up. I personally think that it’s all pretty random as far as other players go. If a guy hits hard 14 against a 6, maybe he takes a bust card that would’ve busted the dealer, maybe he take a card that would’ve helped the dealer. Who knows. It is annoying though, because you don’t want to bust when the dealer is showing a bust card. So it’s a stupid move. When I play blackjack, I use a modified basic strategy. There are a bunch of tables that you have to memorize when it comes to doubling and splitting. I don’t remember them all. I know soft doubling is pretty key. You have a soft hand when you have an ace. When you have an ace, you can’t bust on one hit. So you can always hit or double down when you have an ace (depending on house rules). When the dealer is showing a bust card, 5 or 6, maybe 4 sometimes, you should double a soft 18 or lower. Soft doubling is probably the best advantage a player has against the house. High probability that the dealer will bust, you have a chance to double your bet, the odds are in your favor. So I’m pretty aggressive with soft doubling. Some people don’t know this, but you can always ask the dealer what the right play is. They usually know the right strategy. Do you split 2s vs a 4? Ask the dealer. So I played some blackjack. I just wanted to hang around for a while and break even. They did bring me free drinks, which I wasn’t sure if they were still doing. That’s one bonus to gambling, the free beer. Basically I sat there for about an hour, drank a beer, and made 100 bucks. Once I got up, I took off. I just can’t afford to give it back.
That was Wednesday. I cruised back to my room and slept. I got up the next day at like 6 cuz you can’t sleep in Vegas. I texted my Dad and we went to breakfast. We went somewhere in the Wynn and it was so dam good. I had this concoction pulled pork eggs benedict. It was eggs benedict over cornbread with pulled pork, bbq sauce, cheese, potatoes. It was so good. Great way to start the day. Then I went back to my room and got in bed. Got up and went to the health club. Got pumped up like hans and franz, then went to lunch. We all went to the Venetian for lunch. It was pretty cool. They had the gondolas outside, inside it was like Venice I guess. They had street performers doing acrobatic shit and juggling on stilts, singing, and making merry. It was pretty cool. They had a guy that was pretending to be a statue. I wasn’t sure if those guys were mimes or what. We were sitting at the table and we had a basket full of rolls. It’s Vegas, so I asked the group if they thought someone had ever thrown a roll at the statue guy. I said it has to have happened. The thoughts were mixed and people were trying to encourage me to do it. I wasn’t going to embarrass my ps the day before their anniversary, so I declined, I was tempted though. After we ate we got gelato, I went up and took a picture with the statue. I asked him if anyone had ever thrown something at him, he shook his head no. Dam mime. Thursday night as mentioned in a previous blog, I saw Love. It was really good. Then I came back and my whole fam was hanging out in the bar area so I had a beer with them. I got a fat tire and it was pretty good. I thought I didn’t like FT, I guess it’s ok. Next I made a fatal error. I sat down for blackjack. When in Vegas, you gotta do. The problem was that the table limit was raised to 25. The night before it was 15. At 25, I had to cash in 200 just to be able to hang (8 hands). Well I never really got up much, it was mostly a fight to get back to even. Until the dealer went on a run and cleaned me out. Back to the room dejected. I was really pissed. No question losing at Blackjack is a lower low than winning is a high. It doesn’t even out.
The next morning I got up and went back to the Blackjack table to get my money. My fam was going to breakfast. While we were waiting for everyone to get their stuff together, I played some blackjack. The limit was down to 10, so it was good for me. 100 is 10 hands. That’s better for basic strategy cuz BS evens out in the long run. Hence why table limits get raised. I sit down and some sad sap is getting beaten up. It’s just me and him. He was cool, he was in town for his 10th anniversary or something. Once I sat down, he started just killing em. Then he upped his bets and we both started winning. I walked away with 100 and I think he made like 1000. Rockin. So I got my money back. I’m back to scratch. We went to Dennys. Ate. I came back and worked out. I think I sat down and played some more blackjack. There’s a blackjack session that I can’t remember, but I’m pretty sure I made another 100 somewhere. The big plan for the day Friday was to go to the pool. They have a pool at the Wynn that allows for European sunbathing. Topless action. I was supposed to go hang out there with my brothers. They ended up bailing, and I went down there with my Ps. Kind of odd. Not bad though. Cuz they had a nice bar there, and my ps got me a fat tire, and we all sat around and chatted. Very nice. They got Pina coladas, and they were the worst PCs I have ever had, and I’m a fan (also like getting caught in the rain FYI). Friday was the warmest day, the day I figured peeps would be out. There were some hotties there, no boobies, I ended up cruising to another pool. I cruised and was pretty lit cuz I hadn’t eaten since Dennys and my ps didn’t do much damage on their PCs, they left them for me.
So I’m sitting there listening to my ipod and some dude starts talking to me. I have no idea what his name is, but he’s from New Jersey. He grew up in New York. The guys must’ve been 73 or so. This guy had a lot of stories. I guess he owned a liquor store and made a lot of money from it. Now he’s retired and traveling around the world. Cool. He definitely had some tall tales. He told me some story about the guy who came to date his daughter. The guy was a black belt (right). So the guy comes to the door and Jersey Guy says, “If you ever harm my daughter in any way I’m going to kick your ass.” Or something like that. Guy says, “I’ll drop you in 40 seconds.” Jersey says, “I’ll drop you in 30.” I guess the thing came to blows and Jersey says he dropped the guy in 10 seconds. Tall Tales. He also played semi pro baseball, and somebody offended him so he hit the guy with three pitches when he came to bat and put him in the hospital or something. Tall tales. Finally the guy left. He was ok. I got in the hot tub. It was full of weird dudes. They were from Australia or something. The problem with the hot tub is that it wasn’t hot. At this point it’s like 3 and starting to cool off. There was a cool breeze. Hot tub should be hot. Then all the aussies light up cigarettes. The hot tub became a smoke cloud. I bailed. I cruised back to the hotel room and got ready for dinner.
We had dinner at the clubhouse to the golf course which is basically a very nice restaurant. It was fun. We drank some wine. My sis in law had sent around a questionnaire for everyone to fill out to tell stories about my parents. Some really funny stuff came out and everyone had a good laugh. I got a tasting menu and I have to say the food was decidedly ok. Not as awesome as I had planned. I really wanted the gumbo, and that ended up being a disappointment. Then they had this sirloin that was tasty but a little rare for me. For dessert they had beignets or some French donut that’s basically a funnel cake. That was ok. The wine was good. I was feeling groovy. After dinner we all went to our rooms and I think everyone wanted to go to bed. Not happening in Vegas though. It was our last night. So we all went to see Kevin James and Ray Romano do stand up at the Mirage. It was pretty good. I thought their bits were funny. Some of their stuff was just ok, and had been beaten down. Ray Romano did a funny bit about ordering porn on the TV at his hotel. Another bit kind of related was about how legalized prostitution makes Vegas so great. Kevin James did a funny bit about people with walkers that have hand breaks and they’re all suped up. They both came out at the end and answered questions. That was kind of pointless. Kevin did one of Ray R’s bits, and he was doing a pretty funny impersonation of RR, and RR got all bent out of shape about it. They decided to do the bit together which was amazing that they both knew it well enough to do it remotely synchronized, although it was hard to follow and rather pointless. As is always the case, the opener was the best part of the show, he was some dude off of RR’s show and he was funny. If you asked the guy behind me, the dead air between jokes was funny. I had a hard time following some of the bits because the guy behind me thought that as soon as a comedian opened their mouth, it was time to laugh. He must’ve been doing whippits or something.
After the show it was like midnight which is 2pm in Chicago. It was time for everyone to go to bed. So we all went back to the hotel. Only I kept going. It’s Vegas Baby! Just down the strip from us was Circus Circus and The Riviera. If you don’t know the Riviera, it’s where they used to tape The Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling show back in the day. A classic. I think I played some blackjack there with Nonotchka. So yeah, I head to the Riv. It was pretty dirty and filled with losers. They had some kind of serious cover band playing in this room in front of basically no one. Then there’s a bar outside of there which looks like it caters to ex convicts. The one thing they had which spoke to my proclivities was dancing girls by the blackjack tables. They had two girls pole dancing, scantily clad, while you sat down and played Blackjack. Good idea. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to play though, so I checked the ladies and then cruised to CC. Circus Circus was a total dive. I figured what the heck, so I sat down and played some blackjack. The chips were so old, that they were dirty, they had grime caked onto them and I grimaced every time I had to touch one. Def needed to wash hands after that. I sat down with some people who were like 19 and just engaged or just married. They had like 20 dollars to gamble with and I think they might have been mentally challenged. The girl hit a hard 17 or something against a dealer 6, I wanted to tackle her. At the Encore, when you hit hard 17, they need the pit bosses approval, which should tell you that it’s a bad idea. Some guys sat down that seriously looked shady, they were speaking another language and probably had ridden camels to school at some point in their lives. I got down and battled back to scratch, so I left. I was gonna go back to the Encore, but something about the Riv spoke to me. I stopped there and sat at the tables w/ female entertainment. That worked out pretty well. The people were pretty cool. They didn’t know what they were doing, so they thought I was Amarillo Slim or something. I kept getting blackjacks like I owned the place. I was tipping out pretty generously to the dancers, and to the dealer who was female and stacked. I still walked out of there with over a hundred. I think that put me up around 200 on the trip. I don’t think I’ve ever left Vegas with more money than I came with, so it was time to head home. On my way home I grabbed some of the complimentary literature on the street. Vegas has a nice system for sharing information, the research proved enlightening.
The next day I got up. Ate breakfast with the group. We went to this place the Pepper Mill. It looked like a good place to hang. They had like a speakeasy in back with fireplaces and plush seating. I think a lot of “deals” go down in there. Probably good people watching at night. We had flights to catch, so it was off to the airport and back to chitown. I can’t wait to head back to Vegas though, it’s always a good time.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Ello, I'm the Beatles.
Geez dudes there’s so much to talk about. I could write like 10 pages. And I will. The problem is, although I have a ton to write about in my personal life, I’m going to write about The beatles. I don’t know what the beatles have to do with anything. How the fuck could beatles be a misspelled word? They are like the most famous band in the history of the world, can we please put them in the fucking dictionary so there’s no red line under Beatles in Microsoft word? Oh, I get it now, The Beatles are so fucking unbelievably transcendent, that they have to have the first letter capitalized or it would be misspelled. “Listen dipshit, we are talking about the biggest band ever, they changed the way people thought, the way people felt, the way people felt each other, fucking capitalize that shit, or you know what, it’s wrong.” That’s what Microsoft is telling me. Let’s see something, Microsoft, fucking Microsoft. If you try to type Microsoft with a lower case m, it automatically changes to capital, those smarmy bastards.
The Beatles. I was in Vegas last weekend. Completely different story. I saw one awesome show whilst I was there. Love. Cirque du Soleil. It was pretty awesome. Probably would’ve been better on mushrooms or something, but I was stone sober and it was still good. The thing about CDS is that it tells a story. The problem is that it tells a story in such an abstract way that unless you are a cryptographer, you really don’t know what’s going on. So basically trying to sit there and pick the story out of all the tricks and spectacular stunts etc; it’s a waste of time and energy. Like mushrooms (so I’ve heard) you’ve kinda just gotta sit back and let CDS happen to you. The visuals are unbelievable, the stunts are pretty awesome, and there are also some hot chicks thrown in there for a change of pace. I really don’t want to spoil it, but the stunts are the best part. There are some people in this world with some really tripped-out talents. People who do trapeze like stuff but with things other than trapezes. It’s really hard to explain. The whole thing was set to Beatles music and the choices were pretty solid. It was also cool that they used obscure versions of most of the tunes, so it wasn’t the version that was beaten to death, it was the one-off they did in John’s studio when they were on acid or something. So anyway, they played my favorite Beatles song. I have to come forward and openly admit that I’m not a Beatles fan. I appreciate their music. I hear their influence, especially in the indie stuff out today. I do have a favorite Beatles song. Amazingly, this song got voted as the best Beatles song recently. I think this was a new poll, because Hey Jude was always up there and I forget what else is usually on top. But in this new poll, and to me, the best Beatles song is…A Day in The Life.
So on Sunday, I’m back from Vegas. I’m driving over to pick up my daughter to take her to rehearsal. I turn on WXRT, and they are doing Beatles breakfast or whatever with Terry Hemmert. And what do you know, they play A Day in The Life. I start thinking about the first time I heard the song. I totally remember where I was when I first heard that song. The song ends and Terry comes on and she says, “Can you remember where you were when you first heard that song?” I was like, “TERRY! I CAN TOTALLY REMEMBER!” I didn’t shout though. When I was in 4th grade, or between third and fourth grade, I went to camp. This was no ordinary camp. It was weight watchers camp. Kind of a funny story about how I ended up at weight watchers camp, other than that I was fat, cuz I was. Although this may sound odd, my dad used to take a lot of baths. That’s not odd. When I would come home, I would talk to him while he was in the bath tub. Kinda weird. One day, I’m feeling a little bummed about being fat, and I didn’t want to take responsibility for my situation, cuz I’m a kid, so I wanted to blame somebody else. So I said to my dad, “Dad…Why did you let me get fat?” I think as a dad, this is the equivalent of a kick to the nuts. I think he was bummed, he knew I was in a situation that I didn’t want to be in, and I blamed him and my mom. So that Summer, I went to fat camp. It was a weight watchers camp, and it was located in Wisconsin near Sheboygan at Lakeland College. Pretty cool campus. I remember “Old Main.” I think that was where we lived, it was supposedly haunted.
So I’m at Fat Camp, and I have the lamest roommates ever. I couldn’t wait to get out of that room. I think my roomie had to sleep with the door open and the light on. I had to get out of there. There were a couple of guys down the hall, one of them was really fat, I think he had like candy bars and stuff stashed like a junkie in prison. I moved in with him, he was funny and the other guy was funny, but I think I was sleeping on a mattress on the floor, which sucked. The coolest guys were across the hall, everyone respected them for some reason. They were cool, nice guys, Josh and Sol. After a while, they invited me to room with them, I guess cuz I’m a cool guy. Or maybe it was because I was into D and D at the time and liked to paint the little metal figures and people thought that was cool. I don’t know, that was a sidebar. Josh was cool, laid back, Sol, he was hot and cold. Josh really liked the Beatles, a lot. I can’t remember if I was even into music in 3rd grade, if I was, it was The who, Dire Straits, Blondie, BTO, and roller skating music (J Geils Band?). Josh had the Beatles pumping 24/7 and at an early age, the Beatles didn’t really do it for me. There was one song that came on and I was like, “Heyyyy…What is this?” It was A Day in the Life. That’s a fricking song. That song speaks to me. I feel like the guy in the song. That song is so kick ass, you would think it was recorded at Apple Studios on $10,000 equipment (in 1965). It was recorded on a 4 track. That’s what Terry Hemmert said, and I’m kind of skeptical now because there are some elaborate string parts in it. Maybe the backbone and vocals were recorded on a 4 track. The song is a little quirky too, like it almost sounds like they took 2 different songs and mashed them together. It’s still my favorite Beatles tune. A close second and also first heard at Lakeland college in Old Main courtesy of Mr. Josh Saffren, Maxwell’s silver hammer.
That’s it. I’ll be back with tales of debauchery from Las Vegas.
The Beatles. I was in Vegas last weekend. Completely different story. I saw one awesome show whilst I was there. Love. Cirque du Soleil. It was pretty awesome. Probably would’ve been better on mushrooms or something, but I was stone sober and it was still good. The thing about CDS is that it tells a story. The problem is that it tells a story in such an abstract way that unless you are a cryptographer, you really don’t know what’s going on. So basically trying to sit there and pick the story out of all the tricks and spectacular stunts etc; it’s a waste of time and energy. Like mushrooms (so I’ve heard) you’ve kinda just gotta sit back and let CDS happen to you. The visuals are unbelievable, the stunts are pretty awesome, and there are also some hot chicks thrown in there for a change of pace. I really don’t want to spoil it, but the stunts are the best part. There are some people in this world with some really tripped-out talents. People who do trapeze like stuff but with things other than trapezes. It’s really hard to explain. The whole thing was set to Beatles music and the choices were pretty solid. It was also cool that they used obscure versions of most of the tunes, so it wasn’t the version that was beaten to death, it was the one-off they did in John’s studio when they were on acid or something. So anyway, they played my favorite Beatles song. I have to come forward and openly admit that I’m not a Beatles fan. I appreciate their music. I hear their influence, especially in the indie stuff out today. I do have a favorite Beatles song. Amazingly, this song got voted as the best Beatles song recently. I think this was a new poll, because Hey Jude was always up there and I forget what else is usually on top. But in this new poll, and to me, the best Beatles song is…A Day in The Life.
So on Sunday, I’m back from Vegas. I’m driving over to pick up my daughter to take her to rehearsal. I turn on WXRT, and they are doing Beatles breakfast or whatever with Terry Hemmert. And what do you know, they play A Day in The Life. I start thinking about the first time I heard the song. I totally remember where I was when I first heard that song. The song ends and Terry comes on and she says, “Can you remember where you were when you first heard that song?” I was like, “TERRY! I CAN TOTALLY REMEMBER!” I didn’t shout though. When I was in 4th grade, or between third and fourth grade, I went to camp. This was no ordinary camp. It was weight watchers camp. Kind of a funny story about how I ended up at weight watchers camp, other than that I was fat, cuz I was. Although this may sound odd, my dad used to take a lot of baths. That’s not odd. When I would come home, I would talk to him while he was in the bath tub. Kinda weird. One day, I’m feeling a little bummed about being fat, and I didn’t want to take responsibility for my situation, cuz I’m a kid, so I wanted to blame somebody else. So I said to my dad, “Dad…Why did you let me get fat?” I think as a dad, this is the equivalent of a kick to the nuts. I think he was bummed, he knew I was in a situation that I didn’t want to be in, and I blamed him and my mom. So that Summer, I went to fat camp. It was a weight watchers camp, and it was located in Wisconsin near Sheboygan at Lakeland College. Pretty cool campus. I remember “Old Main.” I think that was where we lived, it was supposedly haunted.
So I’m at Fat Camp, and I have the lamest roommates ever. I couldn’t wait to get out of that room. I think my roomie had to sleep with the door open and the light on. I had to get out of there. There were a couple of guys down the hall, one of them was really fat, I think he had like candy bars and stuff stashed like a junkie in prison. I moved in with him, he was funny and the other guy was funny, but I think I was sleeping on a mattress on the floor, which sucked. The coolest guys were across the hall, everyone respected them for some reason. They were cool, nice guys, Josh and Sol. After a while, they invited me to room with them, I guess cuz I’m a cool guy. Or maybe it was because I was into D and D at the time and liked to paint the little metal figures and people thought that was cool. I don’t know, that was a sidebar. Josh was cool, laid back, Sol, he was hot and cold. Josh really liked the Beatles, a lot. I can’t remember if I was even into music in 3rd grade, if I was, it was The who, Dire Straits, Blondie, BTO, and roller skating music (J Geils Band?). Josh had the Beatles pumping 24/7 and at an early age, the Beatles didn’t really do it for me. There was one song that came on and I was like, “Heyyyy…What is this?” It was A Day in the Life. That’s a fricking song. That song speaks to me. I feel like the guy in the song. That song is so kick ass, you would think it was recorded at Apple Studios on $10,000 equipment (in 1965). It was recorded on a 4 track. That’s what Terry Hemmert said, and I’m kind of skeptical now because there are some elaborate string parts in it. Maybe the backbone and vocals were recorded on a 4 track. The song is a little quirky too, like it almost sounds like they took 2 different songs and mashed them together. It’s still my favorite Beatles tune. A close second and also first heard at Lakeland college in Old Main courtesy of Mr. Josh Saffren, Maxwell’s silver hammer.
That’s it. I’ll be back with tales of debauchery from Las Vegas.
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