Call it what you will

You know what I love about missing the 1040pm train by 10 seconds? You only have to wait an hour for the next one. Last night, that happened to me for the 2nd time in two weeks. Seriously, Metra should give you like a 1 minute grace period to make the train. No official announcement, no hoopla, just they leave a minute late for every train after 8pm. For you naysayers out there, this is not a “But this one goes to 11 scenario.” “It’s a my cabbie sucked,” “I got held up by foot traffic,” “I had to do that last shot” type of thing. I almost said this is a utilitarian change, but it’s more of a common sense change. From a utilitarian perspective, the train should leave on time, because that is the right thing for the largest group of people (those already on the train). I would disagree though, I think the hardship caused to those who barely miss the train is much greater than the collective loss of 1 minute to the whole group. It was me and another dude sprinting for the train. We got there. The train was there. The doors were closed, and it pulled out of the station. J This morning I sent the following e-mail to Metra:

Missing a train by 10 seconds at 1040 at night forces you to wait an hour for the next train. It's brutal and it has happened to me twice in the last week. Can you please keep the trains open until 1041? I don't think the people on the train will feel inconvenienced for the extra minute, and the people who would now just make the train will be overjoyed. You don't need to announce it, just make it an unwritten rule that there is a 1 minute grace period for trains leaving after 8 pm. Thanks.

You might say, “What about the people that get there at 10:41:10 and just miss the train?” I would answer, “It’s not a 1041 train, it’s a 1040 train,” Therefore people who get there at 1041 already know they missed it. If you pop into the station at 1040:30, you know you’re hosed, you might as well grab a beer. But when you are sprinting through the station at 10:39:41, they should cut you some slack.

I was talking with my bro today on the way to work and I hit him with an analogy that went something like this. Remember when you were a kid and you saw a toy on TV and you just wanted it so bad? For me it was Shogun Warriors. Shogun Warriors were these 2 foot tall robots that you could make fight. The commercial made it look like they could shoot things 20 feet and make the other Warrior fall apart; the typical hyped-up visuals that totally misrepresented what the toy did. I don’t think that’s legal anymore. When I was a kid, I really wanted all the Shogun Warriors. I’d go to Toys R Us and look at them in the awesome packaging, all the weapons inside the clear plastic, stuff that looked like hours of fun. I begged my parents for the Shogun Warriors. Finally Christmas came and all I asked for was all 4 Shogun Warriors. On Christmas day I ran down and opened my presents, and sure enough, all 4 Shogun Warriors were there. I ripped open the beautiful packaging knowing that the contents would far exceed the promises made on the box. I put the stickers on and got them all ready. Then I went to roll one (it had wheels on its feet), it didn’t roll. One of them wouldn’t stand up. The other one that was supposed to shoot stars 20 feet only shot them like 2. The hand on one shot off and got lost under the couch. The whole thing was a big let down, it just didn’t measure up to the expectations that I had created in my own mind. The toys looked awesome on TV, the packaging was beautiful and exciting, but the contents were worthless.

I was reading today about Inez Sainz being in Playboy. She got offered a photo spread and turned it down. When I was a kid, I wanted everyone to be in Playboy. It’s like Farrah Fawcett, “When’s she gonna be in Playboy?” Anyone with a modicum of celebrity, and an awesome face/body, it was like “When is she gonna be in Playboy?” Not much changes. Tiger’s Mistress, the woman who brought down Spitzer, some woman in the military, you name it, people want to see them nude. Same with this woman who had the locker room issue. She’s hot, and I’d love to see her naked, but it’s just a weird concept. Oh, you got messed with in a locker room? You’re hot? Let’s see you nude. “Oh well, I’m nationally recognized now, and basically all people want is to see me naked, Playboy offered me a lot of money, I guess I’ll do it.” I know it makes sense to cash in and I would never begrudge a person the opportunity to take their fleeting celebrity to the bank, but I guess there is a self respect issue and a general idiocy of the whole idea issue. The only reason anyone cares about the whole debacle is because Inez is hot. The only payoff anyone really wants is to see her naked. I don’t think I’m doing a good job expressing the oddness inherent in this thing. I gotta ruminate on it, while I glance through a playboy.