I had to run out to the bank and I took a little detour through Millenium park. I heard some music. Hauntingly familiar. I followed the siren’s call and it was a little Jazz band, prolly college age and they were playing Peg by Steely Dan. It sounded really good and the drummer was groovy. I stayed there and listened to the whole song. 2 other people were there with me watching, and then there were probably 20 people within 30 yards that were sitting around enjoying the ambience, chilling on the park benches, etc. When the song stopped, and I must say it stopped abruptly, whereas I believe the Aja version fades out, not one person clapped. I have to admit that I was too much of a puss to be the only one clapping, although my conscience was telling me to clap. I laughed to myself cuz it was fucked up that a 15 piece jazz band should run through a pretty solid rendition of Peg in front of people and not a one of them clapped when they were done. Bizarre.
Lately I’ve been getting kinda down cuz I can’t seem to get one of these online relationships to work. Well I know that that statement right there has a horrible assumption in it, relationship. I know I have to tone it down and just take it one step at a time, not everyone is gonna realize that I’m the bee’s knees and sometimes there’s a language barrier, I’m talking about miscommunication. Well from now on I’m going to temper my expectations and take it slow. I don’t like to generalize, but maybe there is something to be said for the likelihood of insanity among those who go online looking for romance. It’s like, you’re divorced with three kids, your ex must’ve just been a big jerk and you are just dreamy. Oops, that’s me. Seriously though, chances are that the people that seem so appealing when you read their profile, might have some serious mental hang-ups. More than likely, these hang-ups make dating and meeting people the old-fashioned way difficult, so they go online. I’m not ready to say every person who is looking for love online has a mental problem, but I’m just saying that the percentage is probably higher than in the general population. I know I’m in there too, so what does that say about me? I dunno. I guess my point is that you have to take this into account when you meet people online, and adjust your expectations accordingly.
How about a recap of where I’ve been as I’ve waded into the waters of online dating. I guess I just started getting into it around last February. I got out there on match. I went through some profiles, I couldn’t send messages cuz I was not a member. I could wink, which is basically a lame way to express interest without actually reaching out to anybody. Match also sends you e-mails and in one of these e-mails I saw a profile that def caught my eye. That’s the other thing about online dating, you are basically looking through a catalog, and if the picture isn’t good, then there’s no way you are gonna read all the other crap, you just move on. So the pic was good, I checked the profile, but it was kinda spartan, with some stupid shit in there about how she likes to do public service with her kid to teach her to help others or something. It’s like, that’s nice, and altruistic, but it’s not exactly a head turner. Anyway, she was cute, so I winked. What do you know? A few days later she winked back. This was my first online connection. I didn’t want to pay for Match, and I didn’t want to miss out on this girl, and “She was way into me…She winked.” I also had a profile at this time on OK Cupid, so I slipped it into my profile that I was on OKC, I don’t know how it snuck by the censors, but it did. No contact. After about a week, I broke down and joined Match, just so I could contact this girl. I sent her an e-mail. And she never responded. I was a little bummed about it. Not that big of a deal though. I think I’m working my way up the online dating food chain since then. It’s a work in progress.
I have stories, and that’s key. A lot of people don’t. Seriously, if I had been at work 10 years ago and heard some dude talking about how some girl is e-mailing him naked pictures of herself, I would have been green with envy. Well now I’m that guy, and I have to say, if I can do it, anyone can do it. I also have to say, it’s not that big of a deal. Well that’s bullshit, it’s actually kind of a big deal. I mean come on! I’ll share some of my other stories at a later date.
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Miracle
What I meant to talk about Yesterday, and didn’t, cuz I got all wrapped up in hope, nope, and despair, is that a miracle occurred on Monday. “Are you saying that a miracle occurred here or were you trying to deceive me?” Lately, I haven’t really been drinking. At all. Which is good and as I’ve said in the past, drinking is a waste of time. Well every once in a while, I’ll have a couple of beers. These beers are usually micro brews and for whatever reason, I’ll get just brutal hangovers from like 1 beer. Case and point. I went out with my buddy from Dallas last Thursday. I think I had maybe 5 beers. All micro brews, well 1 high life, if you must know. I forget what I had for dinner, but I’m pretty sure I ate something that night. I got like 3 or 4 hours of sleep and then went to work on Friday. It was Friday, all I had to do was make it through the day. I got up. I felt pretty good. I got in to work, I did my stuff. The US was playing in the world cup, so the whole office was watching it. For Breakfast we had thick cut French toast and bacon. I mowed it down. It was so tasty. I figured any hangover would surely be squelched by that. Wishful thinking. Some time after the US soccer match, I started to feel like shit. It felt like someone had hit me in the head with a baseball bat. I wanted to puke and I especially wanted to leave. I was in survival mode for sure. So I was surviving. Fighting to get to 430, which is when we get to leave on Fri. I’m trying to come up with any possible busy work I can, so I run the position reports. Well one of our positions was getting up there and people started talking about it. The next thing I know, the managing director is sitting next to me trying to determine if the position is being aggregated correctly. It all worked out, and he’s a cool guy, so I wasn’t worried, but it wasn’t the ideal way to ride out a tough hangover.
Back to the miracle. Well on Sunday, I went in to work and I did some stuff. I also figured what the heck, I’ll eat. I had a bowl of cereal and a banana. I bolted and went to my buddy’s place. Luckily he didn’t have any beer, cuz I prolly would’ve had one. Then we went to the street fest that I mentioned the other day. Well at the street fest, I had a few beers. I didn’t eat anything, so I basically skipped dinner. Then we got let into that free area and were drinking beer for free. I def had over 5 beers, and was well on my way to being a mess the next day. We bailed from the fest and it was only 1030. I was def crashing at my buddy’s, so we got another 12 pack. My bud also bought a Gatorade. When we got back., we started spinning tunes, and I just wasn’t in the mood for another beer. I had to work the next day, I was tired. I didn’t feel like having a beer. So I had some Gatorade, and some water. I have to point out that I was also drinking water at the fest, basically double fisting water and beer in the free area. So I’m drinking water, spinning tunes, watching TV and I get to bed around 130. I didn’t sleep well. I might have gotten like 3 hours. I wake up the next day and I’m pretty groggy. Not hurting, but thinking that I will be. I showered, got my stuff, and cruised into work around 7am. I felt a lot like I felt the last Friday, when I was feeling ok, only to take a turn for the worse later. Well, I was trying to avoid that, so I decided to be careful. They had eggs, bacon and sausage for breakfast, I skipped that. I had a bowl of cheerios and a plate of fruit. I was power chugging water and I had a multi vitamin. When it felt like someone had played basketball with my brain the Friday before, I was wondering if maybe all the sugar in the French toast and the syrup somehow threw off my blood sugar and messed me. I was unbelievably tired all day. I kept yawning and I kept nodding off while I was having a meeting with my boss. I never got a headache though. I was tired and beat, but didn’t get a hangover. Seriously. It was a miracle.
Ok. I wrote that yesterday. Good stuff. Words to live by. I drove to work the last couple of days and I had been missing the train. Well today I trained it in. I was expecting to catch up on my book, Atlas Shrugged, but I ran into a buddy and we talked the whole way in. I was feeling kinda crappy, so it was nice to talk to a buddy and get reminded that “I’m a good person, and gosh darn it, people like me.” So before my buddy came along, I was sorta hanging by the PDA couple. I really gotta get a pair and talk to them. I don’t think it will go badly, I think they’ll be ok. It’s just how do you break that shit up? Seriously. I did not ride in their car, but on the platform they were hugging and the guy was burying his face into her neck. I’m just trying to get my head around it. Do they just not get any alone time together? Well. Let me take this one step at a time. If I am going to confront them, I need some prepared questions. I think I could rock it on the fly, but it’s better to be prepared. Question number one: There ain’t no rings, but are you guys married, to each other or someone else? I mean there is no way that they are married to each other. It would have to be an extreme circumstance where their only chance to grope each other is on the train, or they grope each other 27/7. I def think their only chance to grope is on the train and that’s why they do it. How long have you guys been seeing each other? My guess is not long. They are like fricking kids getting busy in the basement, only they are doing it on the train in front of 50 people! Do you guys ever get together off the train? Maybe they have a thing for trains, I’m sure there are other people like that. I dunno if I can ask it, but have they ever had sex on the train? My guess would be…no. The bathrooms on the train are just awful, I have a hard time going into them even when I really have to go, so I don’t see them banging in the nasty bathroom. Well for one, the little bathrooms, I don’t think it’s physically possible, but in the big bathroom it would be. I’m kinda torn on this one. The idea of boning in the train’s bathroom is kinda hot, if you got in there right after it got sanitized.
I gotta find some new characters on the train too. I was thinking I could do a blog where I just interview random people. I would so love that. Only I’m not extraverted enough to pull it off. Well… we’ll see. I think that would be the best TV show, you just interview the postman, or the guy at Best Buy, or the woman who works at the Laundromat. I wanna know what these people’s deals are. At least I think I do. There’s the physically challenged guy on the train. I will def find out what his deal is. Not too inspired today. Luckily, I wrote two blogs yesterday.
Back to the miracle. Well on Sunday, I went in to work and I did some stuff. I also figured what the heck, I’ll eat. I had a bowl of cereal and a banana. I bolted and went to my buddy’s place. Luckily he didn’t have any beer, cuz I prolly would’ve had one. Then we went to the street fest that I mentioned the other day. Well at the street fest, I had a few beers. I didn’t eat anything, so I basically skipped dinner. Then we got let into that free area and were drinking beer for free. I def had over 5 beers, and was well on my way to being a mess the next day. We bailed from the fest and it was only 1030. I was def crashing at my buddy’s, so we got another 12 pack. My bud also bought a Gatorade. When we got back., we started spinning tunes, and I just wasn’t in the mood for another beer. I had to work the next day, I was tired. I didn’t feel like having a beer. So I had some Gatorade, and some water. I have to point out that I was also drinking water at the fest, basically double fisting water and beer in the free area. So I’m drinking water, spinning tunes, watching TV and I get to bed around 130. I didn’t sleep well. I might have gotten like 3 hours. I wake up the next day and I’m pretty groggy. Not hurting, but thinking that I will be. I showered, got my stuff, and cruised into work around 7am. I felt a lot like I felt the last Friday, when I was feeling ok, only to take a turn for the worse later. Well, I was trying to avoid that, so I decided to be careful. They had eggs, bacon and sausage for breakfast, I skipped that. I had a bowl of cheerios and a plate of fruit. I was power chugging water and I had a multi vitamin. When it felt like someone had played basketball with my brain the Friday before, I was wondering if maybe all the sugar in the French toast and the syrup somehow threw off my blood sugar and messed me. I was unbelievably tired all day. I kept yawning and I kept nodding off while I was having a meeting with my boss. I never got a headache though. I was tired and beat, but didn’t get a hangover. Seriously. It was a miracle.
Ok. I wrote that yesterday. Good stuff. Words to live by. I drove to work the last couple of days and I had been missing the train. Well today I trained it in. I was expecting to catch up on my book, Atlas Shrugged, but I ran into a buddy and we talked the whole way in. I was feeling kinda crappy, so it was nice to talk to a buddy and get reminded that “I’m a good person, and gosh darn it, people like me.” So before my buddy came along, I was sorta hanging by the PDA couple. I really gotta get a pair and talk to them. I don’t think it will go badly, I think they’ll be ok. It’s just how do you break that shit up? Seriously. I did not ride in their car, but on the platform they were hugging and the guy was burying his face into her neck. I’m just trying to get my head around it. Do they just not get any alone time together? Well. Let me take this one step at a time. If I am going to confront them, I need some prepared questions. I think I could rock it on the fly, but it’s better to be prepared. Question number one: There ain’t no rings, but are you guys married, to each other or someone else? I mean there is no way that they are married to each other. It would have to be an extreme circumstance where their only chance to grope each other is on the train, or they grope each other 27/7. I def think their only chance to grope is on the train and that’s why they do it. How long have you guys been seeing each other? My guess is not long. They are like fricking kids getting busy in the basement, only they are doing it on the train in front of 50 people! Do you guys ever get together off the train? Maybe they have a thing for trains, I’m sure there are other people like that. I dunno if I can ask it, but have they ever had sex on the train? My guess would be…no. The bathrooms on the train are just awful, I have a hard time going into them even when I really have to go, so I don’t see them banging in the nasty bathroom. Well for one, the little bathrooms, I don’t think it’s physically possible, but in the big bathroom it would be. I’m kinda torn on this one. The idea of boning in the train’s bathroom is kinda hot, if you got in there right after it got sanitized.
I gotta find some new characters on the train too. I was thinking I could do a blog where I just interview random people. I would so love that. Only I’m not extraverted enough to pull it off. Well… we’ll see. I think that would be the best TV show, you just interview the postman, or the guy at Best Buy, or the woman who works at the Laundromat. I wanna know what these people’s deals are. At least I think I do. There’s the physically challenged guy on the train. I will def find out what his deal is. Not too inspired today. Luckily, I wrote two blogs yesterday.
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Rapid hope loss
I don’t know what is wrong with me, but I’m going to be at work for 12 hours today. I guess I have some time to make up, so it’s no big deal, but umm it’s gonna be a long day. I got out the door at about 555, and I was in Chicago by 630, that’s nutty fast. It seems like the construction is on hold for a while, maybe because of the taste, and maybe people left town early for the 4th of july and they’re up at their summer homes. You don’t hear this too often, but my commute was too short. I could’ve used some more tunes and chill time in the car.
I was thinking a lot about hope on my drive in. Mostly because of the online dating thing. It’s like when you’re married, there’s basically no hope. Sorry to those married people out there. I guess I should say if you are in an unhappy marriage, there’s no hope. I really think there are people out there who are happily married, I can’t think of any right now. Well my parents, but they’re old. I know a lot of people with workable marriages, and I think that’s the best most people can hope for. You have your stuff, she has hers. When you’re together, it’s good, you’re happy, you get along. When you are apart, it’s nice, it’s refreshing. The sex is good. Anyway, this wasn’t supposed to be a diatribe on Marriage, it was about hope. I need to learn to couch my hope a little. Tone it down. Especially when it comes to women and dating. When I talk to people about it, like my bro or my bud, they have the attitude. If you don’t know the attitude, it’s from fast times at ridgemont high. Damone is teaching Rat about women and he says “You gotta have the attitude. The attitude is that you don’t care whether she comes, stays, lays or prays; whatever happens your toes are still tappin’. That’s the attitude.” I don’t have the attitude. I care. I feel like I could say so much more about this, but it’s almost something you can’t describe. Either that, or I just don’t want to go there. It’s not just women either, it’s life. Like I’ve mentioned before, my buddy who doesn’t really have goals in life, and I don’t think he’s on this hope roller coaster like I am. He’s just kinda hangin out. He’s got a good job, and makes good money. He’s got a place and all that. We were talking the other day, and he does have regrets and stuff. Well you know, it’s the grass is always greener scenario. My life is very complicated right now, so I envy the simplicity he’s got going. While he could probably do with a bit more complication and he wishes he had kids and stuff. So today as I was driving in I was kinda thinking it would be nice to have less hope. What a crazy concept. Hope is such a disappointment. There’s the old line, “Don’t get your hopes up.” That’s because you’ll most often be let down. The feeling of hope is so good, it’s like for a second you see clearly, like the song “I can see clearly now the rain has gone. I can see all obstacles in my way…” That song perfectly encapsulates hope. When you have no hope, at least you don’t get the bait and switch. At least you know that things suck and you might as well just accept it. When something good happens, it’s a gift, enjoy it, move on. That does not seem like a horrible way to look at things. It’s pragmatic. I’m definitely not pragmatic. I believe in things. I get my hopes up. I get hurt. Then I get up, and I do it again.
I wonder if having too much hope, the roller coaster scenario is just as destructive as being completely hopeless. I’m gonna google hope after I’m done with this and see what people have to say about it. I know what it’s like to feel hopeless too. And that sucks. It sucks to get your hopes up and be disappointed, but to be in the blackhole without hope is probably worse. I’m trying to remember what it’s like and it’s hard to describe. It’s like you don’t feel good about yourself or your life. You feel like you made a mistake that can’t be corrected, and then you dwell on it. Then you look forward and all you see is black. It definitely feeds on itself, because when you feel like you made a mistake, you feel like…a failure. That feeling clouds your opinion of yourself. It makes you project that failing into the future, which crushes all your dreams. I’ve certainly lazed around and felt sorry for myself, but some people can’t even get out of bed. They are being crushed by this hopelessness. Severe depression. When I think about it like what I just described, I can’t picture a pill fixing it. I’m not a big fan of pharmacology. I’m not a psycho, I take medicine when it’s prescribed and all that. I really have a problem with medicine that changes who you are though. That scares me. The idea of not being me anymore scares me, it always has. I’d rather deal with my shortcomings than take a pill and have a perma-smile plastered on my face. It’s a tough call, some people really need it just to function. People with severe anxiety, they probably need something. I feel like there is an answer to this and it’s just on the tip of my brain. The whole hope vs. nope. I’m going to call it nope. That is the middle ground between hope and despair. Some people are hopeful, they have dreams that aren’t realized, they get excited about things that don’t pan out and then they do it again. I’m in that category. Then there are people who say nope, you can’t make me care, I’m not going to get too up or too down, I’m just going to stay on the moving sidewalk and see where I end up. Then there are people who despair, who have no hope and feel like they’re on a downward spiral into oblivion. If you are in that category, please get help.
I guess I was due for a more philosophical blog, and that was it. I can’t really think of a way to wrap it up. It’s like in Monty Python’s the meaning of life when the waiter walks across the country to show the house where he was born. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mzlCdWwYn2I
I was thinking a lot about hope on my drive in. Mostly because of the online dating thing. It’s like when you’re married, there’s basically no hope. Sorry to those married people out there. I guess I should say if you are in an unhappy marriage, there’s no hope. I really think there are people out there who are happily married, I can’t think of any right now. Well my parents, but they’re old. I know a lot of people with workable marriages, and I think that’s the best most people can hope for. You have your stuff, she has hers. When you’re together, it’s good, you’re happy, you get along. When you are apart, it’s nice, it’s refreshing. The sex is good. Anyway, this wasn’t supposed to be a diatribe on Marriage, it was about hope. I need to learn to couch my hope a little. Tone it down. Especially when it comes to women and dating. When I talk to people about it, like my bro or my bud, they have the attitude. If you don’t know the attitude, it’s from fast times at ridgemont high. Damone is teaching Rat about women and he says “You gotta have the attitude. The attitude is that you don’t care whether she comes, stays, lays or prays; whatever happens your toes are still tappin’. That’s the attitude.” I don’t have the attitude. I care. I feel like I could say so much more about this, but it’s almost something you can’t describe. Either that, or I just don’t want to go there. It’s not just women either, it’s life. Like I’ve mentioned before, my buddy who doesn’t really have goals in life, and I don’t think he’s on this hope roller coaster like I am. He’s just kinda hangin out. He’s got a good job, and makes good money. He’s got a place and all that. We were talking the other day, and he does have regrets and stuff. Well you know, it’s the grass is always greener scenario. My life is very complicated right now, so I envy the simplicity he’s got going. While he could probably do with a bit more complication and he wishes he had kids and stuff. So today as I was driving in I was kinda thinking it would be nice to have less hope. What a crazy concept. Hope is such a disappointment. There’s the old line, “Don’t get your hopes up.” That’s because you’ll most often be let down. The feeling of hope is so good, it’s like for a second you see clearly, like the song “I can see clearly now the rain has gone. I can see all obstacles in my way…” That song perfectly encapsulates hope. When you have no hope, at least you don’t get the bait and switch. At least you know that things suck and you might as well just accept it. When something good happens, it’s a gift, enjoy it, move on. That does not seem like a horrible way to look at things. It’s pragmatic. I’m definitely not pragmatic. I believe in things. I get my hopes up. I get hurt. Then I get up, and I do it again.
I wonder if having too much hope, the roller coaster scenario is just as destructive as being completely hopeless. I’m gonna google hope after I’m done with this and see what people have to say about it. I know what it’s like to feel hopeless too. And that sucks. It sucks to get your hopes up and be disappointed, but to be in the blackhole without hope is probably worse. I’m trying to remember what it’s like and it’s hard to describe. It’s like you don’t feel good about yourself or your life. You feel like you made a mistake that can’t be corrected, and then you dwell on it. Then you look forward and all you see is black. It definitely feeds on itself, because when you feel like you made a mistake, you feel like…a failure. That feeling clouds your opinion of yourself. It makes you project that failing into the future, which crushes all your dreams. I’ve certainly lazed around and felt sorry for myself, but some people can’t even get out of bed. They are being crushed by this hopelessness. Severe depression. When I think about it like what I just described, I can’t picture a pill fixing it. I’m not a big fan of pharmacology. I’m not a psycho, I take medicine when it’s prescribed and all that. I really have a problem with medicine that changes who you are though. That scares me. The idea of not being me anymore scares me, it always has. I’d rather deal with my shortcomings than take a pill and have a perma-smile plastered on my face. It’s a tough call, some people really need it just to function. People with severe anxiety, they probably need something. I feel like there is an answer to this and it’s just on the tip of my brain. The whole hope vs. nope. I’m going to call it nope. That is the middle ground between hope and despair. Some people are hopeful, they have dreams that aren’t realized, they get excited about things that don’t pan out and then they do it again. I’m in that category. Then there are people who say nope, you can’t make me care, I’m not going to get too up or too down, I’m just going to stay on the moving sidewalk and see where I end up. Then there are people who despair, who have no hope and feel like they’re on a downward spiral into oblivion. If you are in that category, please get help.
I guess I was due for a more philosophical blog, and that was it. I can’t really think of a way to wrap it up. It’s like in Monty Python’s the meaning of life when the waiter walks across the country to show the house where he was born. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mzlCdWwYn2I
Monday, June 28, 2010
I need some shleeps
I had a crazy idea for a new blog. It might already be out there. Well, let’s backtrack a little bit. So I met somebody. Online, and…for real. Wow, what a concept. Anyway, we hit it off pretty good and it turns out she’s a blogger. That got me to thinkin, we should do a blog together, and then I further considered, why don’t we blog about our relationship from our viewpoint, without the other being aware of it. Umm. Let me clarify. Basically we start dating, and I write a blog about my thoughts about the date, her, etc. She does the same about me. They get posted to the same spot, but we never read each other’s posts. That last part is pretty key. It’s like if I’m gonna dish on her to my audience, she can’t know about it. Or if I say like, I’m really into her, or she has a kickin body, blah, blah, blah, I don’t want her to know about it. And if she’s like “oh, he’s a nerd, or he dresses like a tool, or he is way too intelligent and handsome” Then I can’t know about it. It will be like the reader is on the inside of the whole thing, while the actual couple is on the outside. I think that would make for compelling reading. If we go to a movie, I might love it, she might hate it, she might tell me she loves it and secretly hate it, well the reader will be in on it. I think this concept would rock. I have to give it some more thought and iron out how it would work. One problem that jumps to mind are the friends. Like say someone starts cheating, or is seeing someone else, but not cheating; I’m sure the friends of that person would let them in on it. And there’s no doubt the friends would be reading it. Maybe that’s the fix, don’t tell anybody about it. That’s probably a good move. Although you want to promote it, cuz it’s catchy. It’s prolly not a good idea for people to know about it. The other bonus is that if it’s private, you can share the juicy details that you might not otherwise share.
I finally got out to a streetfest. Saw some decent bands. Maps and Atlases played. They did not exactly float my boat. I don’t know why people (bands) feel the need to mess with a solid concept like a 4 piece with regular instruments. Maps and Atlases had like 8 people and some woman was playing marimba or something. It was excessive. The music sucked too. When the band was warming up, the singer busted into Zep’s good times/bad times. It was kick ass. I wish the whole show was zep covers. Anything would’ve been better. I also lied about hating the band. I feel a little bad about it. My niece was there and she was excited about M and A, so I didn’t want to rain on her parade, so I said I liked them. Then the new girl asked me if I liked them and I said yes. I didn’t want to be too big of a curmudgeon on the first date. I’ll save that for the second date. I was kinda amped to see David Bazan, of Pedro the Lion. He sucked. I never got into PTL, and that’s probably because they are not good. Safe to say I wasn’t expecting much out of the headliner, Cloud Cult. Crappy name. And…I was pleasantly surprised, they kinda reminded me of The Flaming Lips, crossed with Neutral Milk Hotel, which is an awesome combo. Some of their songs were not good, but a number of them were. I gotta check them out and DL some of their stuff. Yeah. So as I mentioned earlier, I met someone at the fest. It worked out really well, she had friends in high places and hooked me and my buddy up with bracelets so we could drink for free. Very Cool! After the fest we toyed with the idea of going to Exit. Discretion was the better part of valor and we went our separate ways instead. She is really cute, so we’ll see what happens.
I think this week and next week are gonna be crazy slow at work. Today already feels dead, and I’m a little sleepy from the late night at the fest. Just trying to gut it out today. Shouldn’t be too bad. There is some synth dude playing at Pritzker pavilion. It’s just outside my building, so I went and checked it out. It was ok. It got old pretty quick. Dude was sorta like Jan Hammer on downers. He just kept looping synths over each other and throwing drum tracks in there. It reminded me of that program acid, where you take the loops make your own tunes. He might’ve been using acid, the program and the drug, for all I know. He did have a computer up there. I’m counting the minutes until I’m out of here. I could use a little nap.
I finally got out to a streetfest. Saw some decent bands. Maps and Atlases played. They did not exactly float my boat. I don’t know why people (bands) feel the need to mess with a solid concept like a 4 piece with regular instruments. Maps and Atlases had like 8 people and some woman was playing marimba or something. It was excessive. The music sucked too. When the band was warming up, the singer busted into Zep’s good times/bad times. It was kick ass. I wish the whole show was zep covers. Anything would’ve been better. I also lied about hating the band. I feel a little bad about it. My niece was there and she was excited about M and A, so I didn’t want to rain on her parade, so I said I liked them. Then the new girl asked me if I liked them and I said yes. I didn’t want to be too big of a curmudgeon on the first date. I’ll save that for the second date. I was kinda amped to see David Bazan, of Pedro the Lion. He sucked. I never got into PTL, and that’s probably because they are not good. Safe to say I wasn’t expecting much out of the headliner, Cloud Cult. Crappy name. And…I was pleasantly surprised, they kinda reminded me of The Flaming Lips, crossed with Neutral Milk Hotel, which is an awesome combo. Some of their songs were not good, but a number of them were. I gotta check them out and DL some of their stuff. Yeah. So as I mentioned earlier, I met someone at the fest. It worked out really well, she had friends in high places and hooked me and my buddy up with bracelets so we could drink for free. Very Cool! After the fest we toyed with the idea of going to Exit. Discretion was the better part of valor and we went our separate ways instead. She is really cute, so we’ll see what happens.
I think this week and next week are gonna be crazy slow at work. Today already feels dead, and I’m a little sleepy from the late night at the fest. Just trying to gut it out today. Shouldn’t be too bad. There is some synth dude playing at Pritzker pavilion. It’s just outside my building, so I went and checked it out. It was ok. It got old pretty quick. Dude was sorta like Jan Hammer on downers. He just kept looping synths over each other and throwing drum tracks in there. It reminded me of that program acid, where you take the loops make your own tunes. He might’ve been using acid, the program and the drug, for all I know. He did have a computer up there. I’m counting the minutes until I’m out of here. I could use a little nap.
Friday, June 25, 2010
GBV
I just don’t know where to begin today. I was reading Savage Love in the Reader. I rarely ever miss it. Well this week’s was a little lame. It was about FTMs. I thought I was up on all the jargon, acronyms, and everything else in SL, but I had no idea what this was. The first question was about a gay couple who were having trouble getting it on because one dude wasn’t attracted to the other cuz he was an FTM. Well it didn’t take long to decipher that FTM was “Female turned Male.” Which makes this relationship out of control on a number of levels. So a woman got changed to a man, or identifies as a man, and is gay and therefore dating a dude. This is basically a heterosexual relationship. Well…not really. Cuz the problem was that the gay dude wasn’t attracted to the other “dude’s” girl parts. I dunno. I guess everybody’s got problems.
Since we’re talking about couples, let’s transition to the PDA couple. It’s Friday, it’s Summer, the PDA couple was in full fondle today. Well I’m assuming. I was walking down the platform to find a good spot to get on the train. Then I saw the PDA couple. In case you didn’t know, the PDA couple is a couple on my train who are over the top touchy-feely every day, in the morning, at 7 am, on the train, in front of everybody. So today I’m thinking, maybe today’s the day when I can hang by them, do some reconnaissance work, and maybe talk to them. So I’m walking up to them and they did look cute all standing there next to each other, arms around each other’s waist. As I got about 10 feet away, the dude, who is pretty tall, leans down and starts repeatedly kissing the woman’s forehead. I had to just keep going. I wasn’t going to stand next to that, or interrupt it, or whatever. It’s Summer, love is in the air.
Ok. Yesterday, I had to take a psychiatric profile test as part of the custody evaluation for the divorce. It’s a standard thing, everyone has to do it. It’s like 540 questions or something like that. It’s all true false. It was actually kinda fun, and at times funny. It’s tough though, to take those tests and be completely honest. Most people want to do well on tests. They want to get the right answer. So at times you find yourself trying to pick the right answer instead of being completely honest. I def did not go overboard with this, I had to be somewhat honest, although, I wasn’t brutally honest. I could definitely tell that certain questions were trying to probe for introversion. I’m not a closet case, but I would say I tend to be toward the introverted side of the introverted/extroverted spectrum. One of the questions asked “When I feel down, if I go to a party and engage with people I feel better.” Well, Yeah, it depends on the party and the people, etc. I’m sure some people would say “No, they’d rather be alone to deal with it.” I dunno what the right answer is there. But I think that question was probing for introversion. So some of the questions were applicable and caused me to think and then there were the questions like this, “I am sometimes controlled by evil spirits.” Seriously? Who is answering yes to this? I know there are people out there who are completely batshit, but when someone sits you down and asks you this, even if you think it, do you say yes? I see this as one of the many flaws to the test, other than the one previously mentioned about trying to do “well” on the test. “I see animals and objects that others don’t see.” Who is answering yes to this stuff? On one level I can see someone who is not mentally well, they know it, they want to be accurately diagnosed so they can get the help they need, maybe these people would take the test honestly. “Do you hear voices.” Quite a few questions were of this nature which I would term probing for schizophrenia. Then there were the paranoia questions (probing for schizo as well I guess) “I think people are talking about me.” “I think certain people are preventing me from being happy.” “I have identified the person that is out to get me.” Or something like that. A lot of those questions on there. I dunno. It was funny. Some of the questions were funny. I’m trying to think of another category, oh yeah, hypochondria, or just general ill health, it depends. A lot of questions asking about health, I get headaches, I get body aches, I get warm, I get cold, My hands and feet are always hot or cold, I have body twitches, I can’t sleep, I sleep too much, etc. Also questions about focus, I can’t concentrate, I concentrate too hard. There’s also the obsessive/compulsive piece, “I don’t step on cracks when I walk down the sidewalk.” I forget the other OCD questions, but they probably had to do with having things in the right order, or the right places, “I need to have my things put away in the right places or I can’t think” type of questions. I dunno if I’m gonna get my results or not, I’ll have to ask for them. I’ll post them on here if I get them.
I was talking to my boss about the test cuz we are both interested in psychological stuff. He said there was a test invented by some psychiatrists that identifies psychological disorders by asking seemingly innocuous questions. “What color do you prefer, red or blue?” That kind of stuff. Now that is a test that might work (but would probably also generate a lot of false positives). It’s cool. It’s fun to talk about psychological stuff, it def makes your brain work. Speaking of brain, my brain needs a rest. I’m looking forward to a relaxing weekend. I might check out the Sox/Cubs game tomorrow. That would be fun. There are also a lot of street fests this weekend and I’ve been itching to check one out. I also would like to go see The Melvins tonight, or Ween. I think someone else decent is playing too. This Sunday, David Bazan of Pedro the Lion(?) is playing at a streetfest and I might check that as well. Good times. Lots of parties. Hope you guys have a good one.
Since we’re talking about couples, let’s transition to the PDA couple. It’s Friday, it’s Summer, the PDA couple was in full fondle today. Well I’m assuming. I was walking down the platform to find a good spot to get on the train. Then I saw the PDA couple. In case you didn’t know, the PDA couple is a couple on my train who are over the top touchy-feely every day, in the morning, at 7 am, on the train, in front of everybody. So today I’m thinking, maybe today’s the day when I can hang by them, do some reconnaissance work, and maybe talk to them. So I’m walking up to them and they did look cute all standing there next to each other, arms around each other’s waist. As I got about 10 feet away, the dude, who is pretty tall, leans down and starts repeatedly kissing the woman’s forehead. I had to just keep going. I wasn’t going to stand next to that, or interrupt it, or whatever. It’s Summer, love is in the air.
Ok. Yesterday, I had to take a psychiatric profile test as part of the custody evaluation for the divorce. It’s a standard thing, everyone has to do it. It’s like 540 questions or something like that. It’s all true false. It was actually kinda fun, and at times funny. It’s tough though, to take those tests and be completely honest. Most people want to do well on tests. They want to get the right answer. So at times you find yourself trying to pick the right answer instead of being completely honest. I def did not go overboard with this, I had to be somewhat honest, although, I wasn’t brutally honest. I could definitely tell that certain questions were trying to probe for introversion. I’m not a closet case, but I would say I tend to be toward the introverted side of the introverted/extroverted spectrum. One of the questions asked “When I feel down, if I go to a party and engage with people I feel better.” Well, Yeah, it depends on the party and the people, etc. I’m sure some people would say “No, they’d rather be alone to deal with it.” I dunno what the right answer is there. But I think that question was probing for introversion. So some of the questions were applicable and caused me to think and then there were the questions like this, “I am sometimes controlled by evil spirits.” Seriously? Who is answering yes to this? I know there are people out there who are completely batshit, but when someone sits you down and asks you this, even if you think it, do you say yes? I see this as one of the many flaws to the test, other than the one previously mentioned about trying to do “well” on the test. “I see animals and objects that others don’t see.” Who is answering yes to this stuff? On one level I can see someone who is not mentally well, they know it, they want to be accurately diagnosed so they can get the help they need, maybe these people would take the test honestly. “Do you hear voices.” Quite a few questions were of this nature which I would term probing for schizophrenia. Then there were the paranoia questions (probing for schizo as well I guess) “I think people are talking about me.” “I think certain people are preventing me from being happy.” “I have identified the person that is out to get me.” Or something like that. A lot of those questions on there. I dunno. It was funny. Some of the questions were funny. I’m trying to think of another category, oh yeah, hypochondria, or just general ill health, it depends. A lot of questions asking about health, I get headaches, I get body aches, I get warm, I get cold, My hands and feet are always hot or cold, I have body twitches, I can’t sleep, I sleep too much, etc. Also questions about focus, I can’t concentrate, I concentrate too hard. There’s also the obsessive/compulsive piece, “I don’t step on cracks when I walk down the sidewalk.” I forget the other OCD questions, but they probably had to do with having things in the right order, or the right places, “I need to have my things put away in the right places or I can’t think” type of questions. I dunno if I’m gonna get my results or not, I’ll have to ask for them. I’ll post them on here if I get them.
I was talking to my boss about the test cuz we are both interested in psychological stuff. He said there was a test invented by some psychiatrists that identifies psychological disorders by asking seemingly innocuous questions. “What color do you prefer, red or blue?” That kind of stuff. Now that is a test that might work (but would probably also generate a lot of false positives). It’s cool. It’s fun to talk about psychological stuff, it def makes your brain work. Speaking of brain, my brain needs a rest. I’m looking forward to a relaxing weekend. I might check out the Sox/Cubs game tomorrow. That would be fun. There are also a lot of street fests this weekend and I’ve been itching to check one out. I also would like to go see The Melvins tonight, or Ween. I think someone else decent is playing too. This Sunday, David Bazan of Pedro the Lion(?) is playing at a streetfest and I might check that as well. Good times. Lots of parties. Hope you guys have a good one.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Don't stop be Steven
I was just thinking about the people that I insulted at lunch a couple of weeks ago. I just had lunch with them again and it’s all cool. Well it popped into my head that they might have been insulted. For a refresher, we were having lunch, one guy said he was facebook friends with a teacher from High School, someone else said, “that’s cool.” I had to chime in, “no it’s not.” They were like "yeah it is," and I was like “I guess it is for you, cuz you guys are nerds.” When I was just thinking about that, I have to say that although it may have insulted them, it was not said with malice. Then it dawned on me, I never say anything with malice. One of my current goals it to never, ever, hurt anyone’s feelings. Sometimes you can’t help it, like if these people were bummed that I called them nerds. Other times, you want to say it, but you just realize that it is hurtful, and you wouldn’t want someone to say something like that to you. I just don’t get it when people are hurtful. Like there is this guy at work who is really nice and a smart guy, well I guess this guy wears the same thing a lot. I don’t know if it’s the exact same thing, but it’s at least very similar. I think the guy is a snappy dresser, but I don’t pay attention to that stuff. So anyway, to the hurtful thing, this guy wears black zip up sweaters a lot. It looks like he prolly has more than 1 (possibly 5) of the same sweater. So we are in class and this guy says, “It’s kinda cold in here.” Then another guy says, “Well why don’t you just put on another black zip up?” I was just like, “Whoah.” That was kind of out of order imho. I just don’t go there. Except when I call people nerds. The difference is definitely that the zip-up comment had some malice to it, it was not fun and playful, it was like “you’re a freak and a weirdo, and I’m superior to you.” That’s how I took it. I also didn’t take too well when this same dude was commenting about my shoes. And also when I went over the IMs in my review and found that he and another dude were taking shots at me behind my back. Other than those things, this guy is a solid guy. The funny thing is, that I don’t dislike this guy. I was friends with him. Even though he wasn’t friends with me.
On to better things. Does anyone remember Anna Kournikova? She played Tennis and she was hot. They have Wimbledon on the TV today and Maria Sharapova is on. IMHO, MS is a whole ton hotter than AK. I started wondering, whatever happened to AK? She used to be on the cover of people every week, now, she is in the “where are they now” file. Google to the rescue. Shockingly, she is reteaming with Martina Hingis (fivehead, maybe 6), and they are playing doubles at Wimbledon. I didn’t realize that AK and MH actually won Wimbledon twice. I am fairly certain that AK never won a singles championship ever. But doubles at Wimbledon is nothing to sneeze at. I don’t plan on watching much Wimbledon, the world cup has my attention and the US play tomorrow in basically a must-win match. I hope they do it.
Sticking with sports, I hate it when an unknown wins a major championship in golf. I know you are saying, “people actually care about golf?” Well, I don’t care as much as I used to, but it just seems to cheapen the whole thing when some stiff manages to sneak past the best players in the World on the biggest stage. It’s underwhelming. Graeme McDowell? Who the funk is that? Total annoyance. It’s just golf though. I don’t get why people are so up-in-arms over Tiger. I know he disappointed some people, and let down his family, but I really don’t feel that I’m in position to judge him; I’m surprised at all the people who do feel they’re in position to judge him. Umm. I don’t know what Elin is like. She’s very attractive. Most guys would say “how can you cheat on her?” Well, let’s put it this way, if some of Tiger’s women were throwing themselves at you, how long would you last? I’m guessing most guys wouldn’t last too long. Married, single, gay. Most guys would have sex with those women if they had the chance, especially if they were coming on strong. I also don’t get why people are saying that Tiger is all done, or he’s lost his edge. Certainly his mind could be in a better place. He probably doesn’t have the edge right now. He probably can’t stay focused the way he would like to, but he’s still kicking ass. He didn’t play well at the US open, and he was right there at the end. He finished in the top 10. The guy is pretty amazing. He’ll def win more majors, I would bank on that. I’m also ready to bank on the fact that he’ll beat Jack’s record. I think Tiger has at least 5 majors left in him. I would def put major money on the over for 5 majors.
I was gonna talk World cup, but what is there to say? The US needs to handle business tomorrow, “JUST LET ME HANDLE MY BUSINESS!” If the US wins, they are in, I think. Lollapalooza announced their after shows for the weekend. Some good shows. I was a little bummed that Hockey wasn’t one of them. MGMT was. The National, Minus the Bear, Devo, and some others are doing night shows. I think I might check out the Soft Pack. I dig their stuff. Rock is good. Tomorrow night, at the Cobra Lounge, Shot Baker and DOA are playing, they are also announcing the lineup for Riot Fest. I’m way fired up about RF, and I can’t wait to hear the lineup. I hope the Methadones are in there.
I was gonna go check out the bands last night at Pritzker pavilion. I figured it was a chance to check the place out, do some people watching, and listen to some bands. Well the bands playing were The Books and Via Tania. I listened to the snippets on the event listing, and thought…maybe. Then I went to The Books website and listened to some full songs. I don’t think I made it through 1 song. The band sucks. I really don’t like their music. It was so bad, that I thought, “why go to the show? If the people there really like The Books’ music, then they are not people that I want to know.” Sorry to be all judgmental, I don’t mean it maliciously. I feel that people who are fans of The Books can peacefully coexist with me, it’s just that I don’t want to know them. Via Tania is ok, not offensive, but not enough to get me out there.
On to better things. Does anyone remember Anna Kournikova? She played Tennis and she was hot. They have Wimbledon on the TV today and Maria Sharapova is on. IMHO, MS is a whole ton hotter than AK. I started wondering, whatever happened to AK? She used to be on the cover of people every week, now, she is in the “where are they now” file. Google to the rescue. Shockingly, she is reteaming with Martina Hingis (fivehead, maybe 6), and they are playing doubles at Wimbledon. I didn’t realize that AK and MH actually won Wimbledon twice. I am fairly certain that AK never won a singles championship ever. But doubles at Wimbledon is nothing to sneeze at. I don’t plan on watching much Wimbledon, the world cup has my attention and the US play tomorrow in basically a must-win match. I hope they do it.
Sticking with sports, I hate it when an unknown wins a major championship in golf. I know you are saying, “people actually care about golf?” Well, I don’t care as much as I used to, but it just seems to cheapen the whole thing when some stiff manages to sneak past the best players in the World on the biggest stage. It’s underwhelming. Graeme McDowell? Who the funk is that? Total annoyance. It’s just golf though. I don’t get why people are so up-in-arms over Tiger. I know he disappointed some people, and let down his family, but I really don’t feel that I’m in position to judge him; I’m surprised at all the people who do feel they’re in position to judge him. Umm. I don’t know what Elin is like. She’s very attractive. Most guys would say “how can you cheat on her?” Well, let’s put it this way, if some of Tiger’s women were throwing themselves at you, how long would you last? I’m guessing most guys wouldn’t last too long. Married, single, gay. Most guys would have sex with those women if they had the chance, especially if they were coming on strong. I also don’t get why people are saying that Tiger is all done, or he’s lost his edge. Certainly his mind could be in a better place. He probably doesn’t have the edge right now. He probably can’t stay focused the way he would like to, but he’s still kicking ass. He didn’t play well at the US open, and he was right there at the end. He finished in the top 10. The guy is pretty amazing. He’ll def win more majors, I would bank on that. I’m also ready to bank on the fact that he’ll beat Jack’s record. I think Tiger has at least 5 majors left in him. I would def put major money on the over for 5 majors.
I was gonna talk World cup, but what is there to say? The US needs to handle business tomorrow, “JUST LET ME HANDLE MY BUSINESS!” If the US wins, they are in, I think. Lollapalooza announced their after shows for the weekend. Some good shows. I was a little bummed that Hockey wasn’t one of them. MGMT was. The National, Minus the Bear, Devo, and some others are doing night shows. I think I might check out the Soft Pack. I dig their stuff. Rock is good. Tomorrow night, at the Cobra Lounge, Shot Baker and DOA are playing, they are also announcing the lineup for Riot Fest. I’m way fired up about RF, and I can’t wait to hear the lineup. I hope the Methadones are in there.
I was gonna go check out the bands last night at Pritzker pavilion. I figured it was a chance to check the place out, do some people watching, and listen to some bands. Well the bands playing were The Books and Via Tania. I listened to the snippets on the event listing, and thought…maybe. Then I went to The Books website and listened to some full songs. I don’t think I made it through 1 song. The band sucks. I really don’t like their music. It was so bad, that I thought, “why go to the show? If the people there really like The Books’ music, then they are not people that I want to know.” Sorry to be all judgmental, I don’t mean it maliciously. I feel that people who are fans of The Books can peacefully coexist with me, it’s just that I don’t want to know them. Via Tania is ok, not offensive, but not enough to get me out there.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Ozzie knows...
I just heard the song second guessing yesterday by REM. It’s a solid tune. They did it at that Live at Olympia theater thing in Dublin. You gotta check that out, it’s pretty awesome. But man, I am tired of second guessing. I’m tired of second guessing myself. As I was going through the divorce initially, I was second guessing everything. It’s so fucking hard. I mean with kids. I knew I was doing the right thing for me, but I was mostly concerned about them. When it came down to it, I was willing to do the Irish divorce and just stay together for the kids and not really have anything other than a business relationship. Then it turned out that even that wasn’t going to work, and my wife didn’t want that anyway. I’m glad that as things went along, my suspicions were confirmed, and my fears justified. I definitely came to the conclusion that I did the right thing, and that fighting for the kids is also the right thing. I have to thank God for giving me the ability to persevere through all the doubt and conflicting stories and stick with my instincts.
Well I had to go with my instincts again, and although I was waffling about it yesterday, every day gets easier and easier. It’s tough, when I was last on the dating scene, you met face to face first, so you knew what you were dealing with (for the most part, unless you were drinking). You primarily communicated over the phone, a land line, not even a cell. No Match.com, Harmony, no e-mail, texting, cell phones. Now it’s a completely different ballgame. Now you can basically have a whole relationship and not even meet. You connect online, you begin exchanging messages or e-mails. Then the big step…phone call. You talk on the phone, maybe for hours. These are almost like dates. Then maybe, she sends you some pix. If you’re lucky, they will be very provocative. At this point, the dude is like, “let’s meet today.” It’s tough though, cuz schedules conflict and things drag on. If you don’t act on that initial spark and nurture it, or meet up and let it flame out, then it just fizzles. As time passes, someone might get busy, they might meet someone else on line, doubt creeps in. Maybe she doesn’t want to meet up. Maybe she doesn’t look like the pix and she’s nervous. She’s thinking, maybe he’s a weirdo, maybe those pix aren’t of him. Maybe he’s dangerous. Communication becomes stilted, it doesn’t flow. It seems like you’re saying the same things, or she says something kinda wack, or you say something kinda wack. Or worse, you text something that gets misinterpreted, and the other side just completely doesn’t get you or thinks you are something you’re not. People were designed to meet in person. Nature intended it that way. Nature didn’t make the cell phone, computer, internet, text message, etc. When you don’t meet in person, things are more likely to fizzle out. Oh well. Lesson learned. Things happen for a reason, and you gotta trust your instincts.
I dunno if it’s better just to not know something, or to know. It’s like if someone is talking shit about you or thinks you’re a dbag behind your back, do you want to know? And when you find out, do you want to confront that person? I give people the benefit of the doubt and I try to forgive and forget. I could definitely be friends with someone who had shit talked me in the past. I think. I dunno. In the computer age, you figure these things out. Like today. I was doing my e-mail review and I noticed that the system picks up IMs for review. Hrm. I went through some of the IMs of people who are no longer here. Some of the IMs were talking about me. When I first started I really felt like people were against me and that no one wanted to help me. It’s hard when you are trying to integrate as the new person and people are covertly against you. It’s hard when you just start, cuz you don’t want to be paranoid. During my review today, I picked up on some conversations where people were going above my head and my bosses head to shittalk the both of us. I had been at the job like maybe a month when this was going on. I know some people got passed over for my job and there were some hard feelings. I was out of work for 8 months. I have a family, mortgage, mouths to feed, bills. I was also going through a divorce. Whatever, it’s water under the bridge, I’m not mad about it, it’s more kind of hurtful. I’m not naïve, I’m not dumb. I knew people were very funny towards me and they seemed to avoid me at times. They didn’t nod or say hi when we walked down the aisle. I didn’t get it. It doesn’t make for an easy transition though. It’s hard to have a functioning team when people are covertly working against other team members. I’ve mentioned before that these people were young, and now they are all gone to other places and hopefully better things. I have no idea what my point is on this, other than, once again, my hunch was proved correct. It doesn’t take a scientist to figure out when people think you’re a dbag though, I think I mentioned that in another blog.
Well I had to go with my instincts again, and although I was waffling about it yesterday, every day gets easier and easier. It’s tough, when I was last on the dating scene, you met face to face first, so you knew what you were dealing with (for the most part, unless you were drinking). You primarily communicated over the phone, a land line, not even a cell. No Match.com, Harmony, no e-mail, texting, cell phones. Now it’s a completely different ballgame. Now you can basically have a whole relationship and not even meet. You connect online, you begin exchanging messages or e-mails. Then the big step…phone call. You talk on the phone, maybe for hours. These are almost like dates. Then maybe, she sends you some pix. If you’re lucky, they will be very provocative. At this point, the dude is like, “let’s meet today.” It’s tough though, cuz schedules conflict and things drag on. If you don’t act on that initial spark and nurture it, or meet up and let it flame out, then it just fizzles. As time passes, someone might get busy, they might meet someone else on line, doubt creeps in. Maybe she doesn’t want to meet up. Maybe she doesn’t look like the pix and she’s nervous. She’s thinking, maybe he’s a weirdo, maybe those pix aren’t of him. Maybe he’s dangerous. Communication becomes stilted, it doesn’t flow. It seems like you’re saying the same things, or she says something kinda wack, or you say something kinda wack. Or worse, you text something that gets misinterpreted, and the other side just completely doesn’t get you or thinks you are something you’re not. People were designed to meet in person. Nature intended it that way. Nature didn’t make the cell phone, computer, internet, text message, etc. When you don’t meet in person, things are more likely to fizzle out. Oh well. Lesson learned. Things happen for a reason, and you gotta trust your instincts.
I dunno if it’s better just to not know something, or to know. It’s like if someone is talking shit about you or thinks you’re a dbag behind your back, do you want to know? And when you find out, do you want to confront that person? I give people the benefit of the doubt and I try to forgive and forget. I could definitely be friends with someone who had shit talked me in the past. I think. I dunno. In the computer age, you figure these things out. Like today. I was doing my e-mail review and I noticed that the system picks up IMs for review. Hrm. I went through some of the IMs of people who are no longer here. Some of the IMs were talking about me. When I first started I really felt like people were against me and that no one wanted to help me. It’s hard when you are trying to integrate as the new person and people are covertly against you. It’s hard when you just start, cuz you don’t want to be paranoid. During my review today, I picked up on some conversations where people were going above my head and my bosses head to shittalk the both of us. I had been at the job like maybe a month when this was going on. I know some people got passed over for my job and there were some hard feelings. I was out of work for 8 months. I have a family, mortgage, mouths to feed, bills. I was also going through a divorce. Whatever, it’s water under the bridge, I’m not mad about it, it’s more kind of hurtful. I’m not naïve, I’m not dumb. I knew people were very funny towards me and they seemed to avoid me at times. They didn’t nod or say hi when we walked down the aisle. I didn’t get it. It doesn’t make for an easy transition though. It’s hard to have a functioning team when people are covertly working against other team members. I’ve mentioned before that these people were young, and now they are all gone to other places and hopefully better things. I have no idea what my point is on this, other than, once again, my hunch was proved correct. It doesn’t take a scientist to figure out when people think you’re a dbag though, I think I mentioned that in another blog.
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