GBV

I just don’t know where to begin today. I was reading Savage Love in the Reader. I rarely ever miss it. Well this week’s was a little lame. It was about FTMs. I thought I was up on all the jargon, acronyms, and everything else in SL, but I had no idea what this was. The first question was about a gay couple who were having trouble getting it on because one dude wasn’t attracted to the other cuz he was an FTM. Well it didn’t take long to decipher that FTM was “Female turned Male.” Which makes this relationship out of control on a number of levels. So a woman got changed to a man, or identifies as a man, and is gay and therefore dating a dude. This is basically a heterosexual relationship. Well…not really. Cuz the problem was that the gay dude wasn’t attracted to the other “dude’s” girl parts. I dunno. I guess everybody’s got problems.



Since we’re talking about couples, let’s transition to the PDA couple. It’s Friday, it’s Summer, the PDA couple was in full fondle today. Well I’m assuming. I was walking down the platform to find a good spot to get on the train. Then I saw the PDA couple. In case you didn’t know, the PDA couple is a couple on my train who are over the top touchy-feely every day, in the morning, at 7 am, on the train, in front of everybody. So today I’m thinking, maybe today’s the day when I can hang by them, do some reconnaissance work, and maybe talk to them. So I’m walking up to them and they did look cute all standing there next to each other, arms around each other’s waist. As I got about 10 feet away, the dude, who is pretty tall, leans down and starts repeatedly kissing the woman’s forehead. I had to just keep going. I wasn’t going to stand next to that, or interrupt it, or whatever. It’s Summer, love is in the air.



Ok. Yesterday, I had to take a psychiatric profile test as part of the custody evaluation for the divorce. It’s a standard thing, everyone has to do it. It’s like 540 questions or something like that. It’s all true false. It was actually kinda fun, and at times funny. It’s tough though, to take those tests and be completely honest. Most people want to do well on tests. They want to get the right answer. So at times you find yourself trying to pick the right answer instead of being completely honest. I def did not go overboard with this, I had to be somewhat honest, although, I wasn’t brutally honest. I could definitely tell that certain questions were trying to probe for introversion. I’m not a closet case, but I would say I tend to be toward the introverted side of the introverted/extroverted spectrum. One of the questions asked “When I feel down, if I go to a party and engage with people I feel better.” Well, Yeah, it depends on the party and the people, etc. I’m sure some people would say “No, they’d rather be alone to deal with it.” I dunno what the right answer is there. But I think that question was probing for introversion. So some of the questions were applicable and caused me to think and then there were the questions like this, “I am sometimes controlled by evil spirits.” Seriously? Who is answering yes to this? I know there are people out there who are completely batshit, but when someone sits you down and asks you this, even if you think it, do you say yes? I see this as one of the many flaws to the test, other than the one previously mentioned about trying to do “well” on the test. “I see animals and objects that others don’t see.” Who is answering yes to this stuff? On one level I can see someone who is not mentally well, they know it, they want to be accurately diagnosed so they can get the help they need, maybe these people would take the test honestly. “Do you hear voices.” Quite a few questions were of this nature which I would term probing for schizophrenia. Then there were the paranoia questions (probing for schizo as well I guess) “I think people are talking about me.” “I think certain people are preventing me from being happy.” “I have identified the person that is out to get me.” Or something like that. A lot of those questions on there. I dunno. It was funny. Some of the questions were funny. I’m trying to think of another category, oh yeah, hypochondria, or just general ill health, it depends. A lot of questions asking about health, I get headaches, I get body aches, I get warm, I get cold, My hands and feet are always hot or cold, I have body twitches, I can’t sleep, I sleep too much, etc. Also questions about focus, I can’t concentrate, I concentrate too hard. There’s also the obsessive/compulsive piece, “I don’t step on cracks when I walk down the sidewalk.” I forget the other OCD questions, but they probably had to do with having things in the right order, or the right places, “I need to have my things put away in the right places or I can’t think” type of questions. I dunno if I’m gonna get my results or not, I’ll have to ask for them. I’ll post them on here if I get them.



I was talking to my boss about the test cuz we are both interested in psychological stuff. He said there was a test invented by some psychiatrists that identifies psychological disorders by asking seemingly innocuous questions. “What color do you prefer, red or blue?” That kind of stuff. Now that is a test that might work (but would probably also generate a lot of false positives). It’s cool. It’s fun to talk about psychological stuff, it def makes your brain work. Speaking of brain, my brain needs a rest. I’m looking forward to a relaxing weekend. I might check out the Sox/Cubs game tomorrow. That would be fun. There are also a lot of street fests this weekend and I’ve been itching to check one out. I also would like to go see The Melvins tonight, or Ween. I think someone else decent is playing too. This Sunday, David Bazan of Pedro the Lion(?) is playing at a streetfest and I might check that as well. Good times. Lots of parties. Hope you guys have a good one.

Don't stop be Steven

I was just thinking about the people that I insulted at lunch a couple of weeks ago. I just had lunch with them again and it’s all cool. Well it popped into my head that they might have been insulted. For a refresher, we were having lunch, one guy said he was facebook friends with a teacher from High School, someone else said, “that’s cool.” I had to chime in, “no it’s not.” They were like "yeah it is," and I was like “I guess it is for you, cuz you guys are nerds.” When I was just thinking about that, I have to say that although it may have insulted them, it was not said with malice. Then it dawned on me, I never say anything with malice. One of my current goals it to never, ever, hurt anyone’s feelings. Sometimes you can’t help it, like if these people were bummed that I called them nerds. Other times, you want to say it, but you just realize that it is hurtful, and you wouldn’t want someone to say something like that to you. I just don’t get it when people are hurtful. Like there is this guy at work who is really nice and a smart guy, well I guess this guy wears the same thing a lot. I don’t know if it’s the exact same thing, but it’s at least very similar. I think the guy is a snappy dresser, but I don’t pay attention to that stuff. So anyway, to the hurtful thing, this guy wears black zip up sweaters a lot. It looks like he prolly has more than 1 (possibly 5) of the same sweater. So we are in class and this guy says, “It’s kinda cold in here.” Then another guy says, “Well why don’t you just put on another black zip up?” I was just like, “Whoah.” That was kind of out of order imho. I just don’t go there. Except when I call people nerds. The difference is definitely that the zip-up comment had some malice to it, it was not fun and playful, it was like “you’re a freak and a weirdo, and I’m superior to you.” That’s how I took it. I also didn’t take too well when this same dude was commenting about my shoes. And also when I went over the IMs in my review and found that he and another dude were taking shots at me behind my back. Other than those things, this guy is a solid guy. The funny thing is, that I don’t dislike this guy. I was friends with him. Even though he wasn’t friends with me.



On to better things. Does anyone remember Anna Kournikova? She played Tennis and she was hot. They have Wimbledon on the TV today and Maria Sharapova is on. IMHO, MS is a whole ton hotter than AK. I started wondering, whatever happened to AK? She used to be on the cover of people every week, now, she is in the “where are they now” file. Google to the rescue. Shockingly, she is reteaming with Martina Hingis (fivehead, maybe 6), and they are playing doubles at Wimbledon. I didn’t realize that AK and MH actually won Wimbledon twice. I am fairly certain that AK never won a singles championship ever. But doubles at Wimbledon is nothing to sneeze at. I don’t plan on watching much Wimbledon, the world cup has my attention and the US play tomorrow in basically a must-win match. I hope they do it.



Sticking with sports, I hate it when an unknown wins a major championship in golf. I know you are saying, “people actually care about golf?” Well, I don’t care as much as I used to, but it just seems to cheapen the whole thing when some stiff manages to sneak past the best players in the World on the biggest stage. It’s underwhelming. Graeme McDowell? Who the funk is that? Total annoyance. It’s just golf though. I don’t get why people are so up-in-arms over Tiger. I know he disappointed some people, and let down his family, but I really don’t feel that I’m in position to judge him; I’m surprised at all the people who do feel they’re in position to judge him. Umm. I don’t know what Elin is like. She’s very attractive. Most guys would say “how can you cheat on her?” Well, let’s put it this way, if some of Tiger’s women were throwing themselves at you, how long would you last? I’m guessing most guys wouldn’t last too long. Married, single, gay. Most guys would have sex with those women if they had the chance, especially if they were coming on strong. I also don’t get why people are saying that Tiger is all done, or he’s lost his edge. Certainly his mind could be in a better place. He probably doesn’t have the edge right now. He probably can’t stay focused the way he would like to, but he’s still kicking ass. He didn’t play well at the US open, and he was right there at the end. He finished in the top 10. The guy is pretty amazing. He’ll def win more majors, I would bank on that. I’m also ready to bank on the fact that he’ll beat Jack’s record. I think Tiger has at least 5 majors left in him. I would def put major money on the over for 5 majors.



I was gonna talk World cup, but what is there to say? The US needs to handle business tomorrow, “JUST LET ME HANDLE MY BUSINESS!” If the US wins, they are in, I think. Lollapalooza announced their after shows for the weekend. Some good shows. I was a little bummed that Hockey wasn’t one of them. MGMT was. The National, Minus the Bear, Devo, and some others are doing night shows. I think I might check out the Soft Pack. I dig their stuff. Rock is good. Tomorrow night, at the Cobra Lounge, Shot Baker and DOA are playing, they are also announcing the lineup for Riot Fest. I’m way fired up about RF, and I can’t wait to hear the lineup. I hope the Methadones are in there.



I was gonna go check out the bands last night at Pritzker pavilion. I figured it was a chance to check the place out, do some people watching, and listen to some bands. Well the bands playing were The Books and Via Tania. I listened to the snippets on the event listing, and thought…maybe. Then I went to The Books website and listened to some full songs. I don’t think I made it through 1 song. The band sucks. I really don’t like their music. It was so bad, that I thought, “why go to the show? If the people there really like The Books’ music, then they are not people that I want to know.” Sorry to be all judgmental, I don’t mean it maliciously. I feel that people who are fans of The Books can peacefully coexist with me, it’s just that I don’t want to know them. Via Tania is ok, not offensive, but not enough to get me out there.

Ozzie knows...

I just heard the song second guessing yesterday by REM. It’s a solid tune. They did it at that Live at Olympia theater thing in Dublin. You gotta check that out, it’s pretty awesome. But man, I am tired of second guessing. I’m tired of second guessing myself. As I was going through the divorce initially, I was second guessing everything. It’s so fucking hard. I mean with kids. I knew I was doing the right thing for me, but I was mostly concerned about them. When it came down to it, I was willing to do the Irish divorce and just stay together for the kids and not really have anything other than a business relationship. Then it turned out that even that wasn’t going to work, and my wife didn’t want that anyway. I’m glad that as things went along, my suspicions were confirmed, and my fears justified. I definitely came to the conclusion that I did the right thing, and that fighting for the kids is also the right thing. I have to thank God for giving me the ability to persevere through all the doubt and conflicting stories and stick with my instincts.



Well I had to go with my instincts again, and although I was waffling about it yesterday, every day gets easier and easier. It’s tough, when I was last on the dating scene, you met face to face first, so you knew what you were dealing with (for the most part, unless you were drinking). You primarily communicated over the phone, a land line, not even a cell. No Match.com, Harmony, no e-mail, texting, cell phones. Now it’s a completely different ballgame. Now you can basically have a whole relationship and not even meet. You connect online, you begin exchanging messages or e-mails. Then the big step…phone call. You talk on the phone, maybe for hours. These are almost like dates. Then maybe, she sends you some pix. If you’re lucky, they will be very provocative. At this point, the dude is like, “let’s meet today.” It’s tough though, cuz schedules conflict and things drag on. If you don’t act on that initial spark and nurture it, or meet up and let it flame out, then it just fizzles. As time passes, someone might get busy, they might meet someone else on line, doubt creeps in. Maybe she doesn’t want to meet up. Maybe she doesn’t look like the pix and she’s nervous. She’s thinking, maybe he’s a weirdo, maybe those pix aren’t of him. Maybe he’s dangerous. Communication becomes stilted, it doesn’t flow. It seems like you’re saying the same things, or she says something kinda wack, or you say something kinda wack. Or worse, you text something that gets misinterpreted, and the other side just completely doesn’t get you or thinks you are something you’re not. People were designed to meet in person. Nature intended it that way. Nature didn’t make the cell phone, computer, internet, text message, etc. When you don’t meet in person, things are more likely to fizzle out. Oh well. Lesson learned. Things happen for a reason, and you gotta trust your instincts.



I dunno if it’s better just to not know something, or to know. It’s like if someone is talking shit about you or thinks you’re a dbag behind your back, do you want to know? And when you find out, do you want to confront that person? I give people the benefit of the doubt and I try to forgive and forget. I could definitely be friends with someone who had shit talked me in the past. I think. I dunno. In the computer age, you figure these things out. Like today. I was doing my e-mail review and I noticed that the system picks up IMs for review. Hrm. I went through some of the IMs of people who are no longer here. Some of the IMs were talking about me. When I first started I really felt like people were against me and that no one wanted to help me. It’s hard when you are trying to integrate as the new person and people are covertly against you. It’s hard when you just start, cuz you don’t want to be paranoid. During my review today, I picked up on some conversations where people were going above my head and my bosses head to shittalk the both of us. I had been at the job like maybe a month when this was going on. I know some people got passed over for my job and there were some hard feelings. I was out of work for 8 months. I have a family, mortgage, mouths to feed, bills. I was also going through a divorce. Whatever, it’s water under the bridge, I’m not mad about it, it’s more kind of hurtful. I’m not naïve, I’m not dumb. I knew people were very funny towards me and they seemed to avoid me at times. They didn’t nod or say hi when we walked down the aisle. I didn’t get it. It doesn’t make for an easy transition though. It’s hard to have a functioning team when people are covertly working against other team members. I’ve mentioned before that these people were young, and now they are all gone to other places and hopefully better things. I have no idea what my point is on this, other than, once again, my hunch was proved correct. It doesn’t take a scientist to figure out when people think you’re a dbag though, I think I mentioned that in another blog.

futbol

I’m going to go out on a limb here and make an observation. I have a feeling this observation may anger some of you, but I must state it for the record. Soccer does not rock. Call it Football, Futbol, or Fukudome, but I’m here to say, that not only does it lack rock, it’s on the boring side. I watched the US vs. England match and it was pretty good. Some drama in there, but the average match just is not doing it for me. Show me a home run. A squeeze play. A strike out. Show me a long bomb. A bone crunching tackle. A deft catch and slick move for a TD. A long run from the line of scrimmage. Show me a breakaway goal. Somebody getting slammed into the boards. Some guys dropping the gloves and pounding the poop out of each other. These things rock. Soccer imho does not rock. It’s like the ball goes out of bounds all the time. The team can’t control the ball and when the ball is in the air, a bunch of people are jumping at it. Corner kicks are just not that exciting. It seems like nothing ever comes of them and when the team scores from a corner, it’s kinda flukey. It’s sorta like the US goal against England, nobody scores unless it’s some kind of mistake. That’s boring. I see skill out there, guys make stupid moves and leave a guy with his jock on the field. Ok. Then a second later that guy loses the ball and it gets kicked clear to the other side. Boring. I just don’t get why this is the world’s sport. Is it because it’s so simple? That must be it. All you really need is a ball. The dudes are in good shape, that’s for sure. I can see why women would watch. To me it’s like the human equivalent of gnip gnop. A bunch of guys kick a ball for 90 minutes and once in a while it goes in. Whoever gets luckiest in the game wins. I was way geeked up for the world cup, mostly cuz I can watch it at work. I’m still fired up for the US. Maybe that’s the deal, you need to have your team who you just totally pull for. It helps. I gave a crap about the US v England match. I wanted to beat those smug bastards at their own game. Well actually Soccer isn’t their game, what is? Torture? What game did Britain ever invent? Croquet? Whatever. I hope I didn’t offend my Soccer loving readers. I know I have at least 1. I need some 5 to 1 games. There’s just not enough scoring. I mean you watch something for 2 hours and the final score is 0-0? 1-1? Oh well.


I felt like crap all weekend. I started this Barry’s bootcamp workout. You’re supposed to do it for 30 days, it’s like p90x for old people or something. It’s actually pretty hard though. I dunno what my deal is, I got food poisoning last week and I thought I had it kicked. Then I did this workout on Sat, it was heavy legs. Then I felt like poo the rest of the day. I did my Sunday workout even though I woke up feeling like crap. I felt ok most of the day Sunday, but not 100%. There was no way I was gonna get up this morning and do it. Eff that. I took the day off. My legs were too sore. They still are. I hate that. The soreness when you just get back to working your legs is the worst, it’s the incentive to keep working them to avoid having the soreness again.


Yeah, so my weekend was pretty messed. I was having an ok day Friday, well not really. I was bummed and I don’t know why. I guess I just had a crappy day or maybe it was because I have this mystery illness. Anyway, I was looking for something to cheer me up. I went on emusic and was doing crappy busywork to redownload some stuff into itunes. Annoying crap that should be easy. I get to the Methadones, and I was like “Eureka.” I had a feeling that maybe the Methadones were gonna do a show before they go to Baltimore. Sort of a tune up. I go on the myspace page and I see the blog entry, “RIP Methadones 2000-2010.” They’re breaking up. Total bullshit. I should have known better, I was having a bad day; I should’ve waited and checked out the website another time. If you are asking yourself if I cosmically caused the Methadones to break up, the answer is yes. I’m joking. It still sucks though. I guess they are gonna do a last show sometime in Chicago and that should be pretty nuts and maybe they’ll play for like 3 hours, so I have that to look forward to.


I don’t want to take it personally, but my last crazy favorite new band also broke up. The Long Blondes. When I heard them, I was like, “OMG these guys are the next big thing.” I told everyone I knew that The Long Blondes were gonna be huge, and that they would be playing stadiums in the states someday. I loved them. Their first (basically) album, “Someone to drive you home.” Was on crazy heavy rotation for me. I was geeked when they released their second album. It was sort of a departure for them and they went with some quirky producer on it. Well it kinda sucked. No worries. They had many records to come. Plus, now they would tour. And tour they did. They came to the US. They were booked at Logan Square Auditorium. I got my tix in the presale. This thing was for sure gonna sell out. I don’t care if Rilo Kiley was playing that night, it doesn’t matter, The Long Blondes were coming to Chicago! I got to the show early, so I didn’t have to fight through the crowd. We walked right in. Not many people milling about. That’s cool. It was early. We went upstairs. Went straight to the bar, got a beer. Good call, get a buzz on before the line is too long to bother getting a beer. The opener came out. The place was basically empty. Just like 50-60 people when the place fit like 800. No worries, it’s smart to wait til after the opener to show up. It’s not so smart to wait til after the headliner is done though. Nobody showed up. Maybe like 100 people. I was shocked. The show was awesome, and I wasn’t really bummed that no one was there, so much as surprised. Well, two or three months later, the guitarist had a stroke or something and the band broke up. I don’t feel responsible for that one either.


The good news. Oh yeah, the good news. I knew there was good news. So when a band leaves you and goes to rock and roll Valhalla, a new band always comes to take its place. Last night I was going through the acts scheduled to play at Lollapalooza. Bands that I’ve heard of, but never heard. I went through a couple that kinda sucked. Then I stumbled upon…Hockey. I’m a fan. They’re sort of a strokes meets MGMT kind of thing. I don’t know if that is a fair assessment, but I’m a fan. The only problem, not on emusic. That’s a bummer. I guess I gotta breakdown and go to itunes, or…, dare I say it?...go to a music store and buy the cd. What an ancient concept, go to a music store, to buy a cd. What a lameass idea.

I can't win for losin

Aweeeeeeee. Did you miss me? No? Screw you then. J/k, much love to the three of you. Where to begin. There is way too much to say. I made it out to Pritzker pavilion yesterday. First time ever. Some peeps from work said that some blues guitar guy was gonna be out there and invited me to come along during lunch. Good call. Great weather. The music was alright, it was blues, solid, good musicians. The guy’s name was chainsaw Murphy or something. He was pretty good. He’d say, “I’m gonna play the blues for you now, like my mama told me to.” I wish my mama told me to play the blues. Maybe she did, I just wasn’t listening. “Jimmy, play your blues.” “Naw, I’m gonna go ride my skateboard and listen to punk rock.” She wouldn’t let me get a skateboard. That’s how I ended up this way. Pritzker was cool though. The sound was pretty awesome, I wish I would’ve caught that hum show. I’m wondering if they will use Pritzker at all for Lollapalooza. I’m hoping. They issued the lineup for lolla, well the schedule. Some tough conflicts like always. I kinda had hoped to see Lady Gaga. I guess I don’t mind her music and would like to see her production. Won’t happen though, I’d much rather see the strokes. I saw them at HFStival in DC, and they were prolly the highlight. I dunno much about Phoenix, other than it will prolly be an intimate gathering when they go up against Green Day on Sat night. I could be wrong though. Sunday is a bummer as Soundgarden goes up against Arcade Fire. There are a bunch of other minor conflicts, but there always are. Life is about choices.


And now for something completely different. I was reading the Gartman letter yesterday and he had a bit about how some youth soccer league in Canada has added a rule. It’s a rule to control scoring and avoid lopsided games that demoralize one team. This rule is that if you win by more than 5 goals, you lose. Gartman is a right winger, and he went nuts about this new rule. A lot of people flew off the handle and said “well the game will just flip, the bad team will try to score on themselves to insure victory and the good team will try to defend the bad team’s own goal.” Hence, nothing really changes. Reactionary rhetoric. I think in reality what they are trying to do is say, “when you have a comfortable lead, like 3 goals, put in your b team and call off the dogs.” There’s probably a better way to do it than to say “if you’re too good, instead of winning, you lose.” I’m reading Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand right now, and I’m sure she’s spinning like crazy over this one. Penalize the over-achievers and reward the under-achievers, the basic premise of the whole book is how this is pure evil. I’m only like .25 through the book, but I don’t think it holds a candle to The Fountainhead. Maybe I need to reread the Fountainhead and that’s not very good either. This book is basically propaganda and every character is a caricature designed to embody some political viewpoint. It’s kind of annoying. I guess it’s ok. I’m still reading, it’s engaging, well-written, and the characters are well-developed even if they are a bit cartoonish.


The subject I really wanted to talk about today is… bums. I’ve seen some interesting bums lately. I don’t think it’s funny that these people are down on their luck, but I guess I’m just wondering what their deals are. Kinda like everyone I see. Seriously, I do wonder what everyone’s deal is. Some people I can just guess, typical suburban dude, trying too hard to look cool, probably doesn’t make as much money as he wants people to think he does, etc. Those people are boring. I wanna know what the PDA couple’s deal is, the physically challenged guy, and bums. For now. So today I’m walking to work and I walk by a mcdonalds. Right there by the door, there was a pile of newspapers and a bum sleeping next to them. Then it dawned on me, he was a newspaper salesman. I have to say that sleeping next to the pile of papers you are trying to sell probably isn’t gonna move you up the corporate chain, he did look content though. Oops, I didn’t mean to imply he was a bum, sorry, he was a newspaper salesman. Do you guys like to lamp? I know I do. When I see somebody lampin, like steady lampin, I gotta give props. So I’m walking to work the other day. It’s like 730am. I’m just getting over being very sick. And I see a guy, a bum, sitting on the steps of a business, hot tix type of ticket business that wasn’t open. The guy was lampin. He was sitting there. He didn’t look happy and he didn’t look sad. He had an undefinable ethnicity, maybe Caucasian, maybe Latin American, he had a beard, long hair w/ receding hairline, salt and pepper, undefinable age, maybe 40s-60s. This bum was sitting there, at 730 am, drinking a half pint of vodka. The bottle had like 2 ounces left maybe. This was a textbook, dictionary definition, postcard, quintessential bum. And he was lampin.

Fulfillment

They call me prolific




I’ve been churning out blogs lately and I’m not sure why. I am not good at letting things go, but I have to let this Hum miss go. The problem is that I really wanted to see a show at Pritzker Pavilion cuz it has has those crazy speakers suspended above it, and I figured that a rock show would sound really awesome there. Well HUM is Rock! And I like them. Plus they are kind of spacey and atmospheric and I figure that would best demonstrate the sonic capabilities of the venue. Hence my inability to move on from the miss. There are some other shows coming there that I’m def not as hyped about, but I’ll prolly check one or more of them. I also wanna bring the kids over there cuz it’s free family entertainment. I think they would dig just hanging out in the field with all the speakers, and playing catch or something. That’s my plan anyway. That was the plan for Monday, but the Hawks game got in the way. Bummer that the Hawks didn’t win last night cuz they would’ve had a stranglehold on the Stanley Cup, and now I would be lying if I said I wasn’t a little nervous.



On to train misfits. I shouldn’t say the guy is a misfit, because even though he uses a walker and wears Velcro shoes, he might be like the coolest guy ever underneath the façade. I came to an interesting conclusion today. I think yesterday I was wondering what stop the guy gets on at. Well as luck would have it, he gets on at my stop. He gets in at the front car, probably to limit the amount of walking he has to do from the train to the station upon arrival. Today I got to experience his ascension up into the train. I have to admit, I was a little jealous that he got to ride the crane and I didn’t. I was also a little annoyed about waiting, cuz when they bring the lift down, it blocks off one entry so basically all the people have to cram into the other entrance. I hate the inefficiency and get annoyed when I’m bottlenecked like that. I got over it though. I didn’t see where the guy went to sit, but I’m thinking I might have to sit down with him and find out what his deal is. I know, I know that I still need to find out what the PDA couple’s deal is, but maybe I need to work my way up to that. I think I need to find out what this guy’s deal is, and here’s why. I don’t think he has cerebral palsy, so now I’m def intrigued as to how he lost the use of his legs, or why his leg use is severely limited. I also wanna know what he does for a living, where he lives and if he’s ever had sex. I’m a little hesitant about how to approach this guy. At least with the PDA couple, I could just admit that I am curious. With this guy though, I don’t want to come off as using him. Like get to know him just for the story and then blow him off. Which is probably about how it will go. I think that’s hurtful, so I’m def hesitant to do it. I’m sure the guy would appreciate the company, who knows, he’s probably a heck of a guy. To be continued…



I dunno what it is about miscreants and train stations; maybe it’s just the cattle call nature of it all. It’s like we’re all cattle shuffling off to our various pens or whatever. So when we’re all making our way, certain people look normal, and others stand out. Today I saw a couple at the train station in the basement of our building. It was a random dorkish balding dude and he was helping a woman (his wife?) make her way to the station and she definitely had some kind of ambulation issue, i.e. she walked funny. So she had some kind of issue and needed this dude’s (husband’s) assistance to get where she was going. They looked fairly odd, typical bizarre fashion and sheltered appearance, like they don’t get out much, except to go to work. I don’t remember what my initial thought was on them, other than that I’ve seen them before, but I guess I thought “there’s a nice couple.” One of the things that crossed my mind was that they looked like they were well matched, but that’s almost not accurate. I definitely thought that it appeared to be a situation that you see all too often. A guy who is basically normal, but has somehow been forced to choose a less than ideal woman because that’s the best he could do. Or maybe not the best he could do, but he’s such a wuss that he can’t do any better, and “what the heck, Shirley ain’t all bad, or she was the first woman to say hi to me” or something. Then I thought maybe old Shirley is wild in the sack. Stranger things have happened. Maybe dude has that little smirk on his face cuz he knows people are thinking “what’s he doing with her?” and he also knows that they have a great time in the apartment every night and most people stumble through life without real sexual fulfillment. Whoah, can of worms. Did I just say that? Sexual fulfillment? Wow. What a subject. That’s one for another day. I’m gonna have to do some research on that one. I’m gonna leave these two alone and simply consider them the most sexually fulfilled couple in the train station. The PDA couple will be the couple most likely to achieve sexual fulfillment on the train. Go out there and find sexual fulfillment.

Polarization

It’s easiest to write when you are feeling something. I think that is what people call inspiration. Well right now I’m feeling a little guilty. I was at lunch and we were talking about facebook. The people at work are really smart and they went to Ivy League schools and are interested in intellectual pursuits. So one guy says, “I’m friends with some of my high school teachers.” To which a girl replies, “oh that’s kind of cool.” To which I replied, “No it isn’t.” The girl proceeded to say that it was or something, and I said, “Well you guys are nerds, so I guess it is cool for you.” The thing is, I thought the fact that they were nerds was kind of a given, like I’m bald, I’m old, they’re nerds. Now I’m starting to think that maybe they didn’t consider themselves nerds. I thought being a nerd was cool right now. But seriously, I think this should be included in the definition of nerd. If you have a relationship with a teacher that lasts beyond when you are in that teacher’s class, you’re a nerd. I guess it kinda poops on teachers though cuz that says that teachers don’t form any lasting relationships with their students. Actually they do though, they form lasting relationships with nerds.



I kid because I care. I know people who still talk to their grade school teachers, which isn’t nerddom, it’s just plain creepy. I dunno. I’ve always been respectful of the teacher-student dynamic. They teach. I don’t pay attention. The bell rings, I leave. I guess when it comes down to it, teachers are nerds. Aren’t they? Even the coolest teacher is a nerd, I’m pretty sure on that. I dunno, teachers put it out there, and that usually opens you up to be criticized and judged. You can’t pull your same jokes, your same lines, the same gestures or whatever, and not be categorized. Whatever, I think teaching would be cool. I guess I would just have to accept that some people might consider me a nerd. You can’t really do anything about what other people think of you anyway, other than wear your underwear under your clothes instead of the other way around.



I was gonna talk about this train person anyway, I don’t know if I would categorize him as a nerd, but I was thinking about him today. The guy is prolly 42 or something, and he has cerebral palsy and needs a walker. They need to get that crazy ramp thing happening for him just so he can get on and off the train. Every morning, as I’m walking off the train platform, I see this guy, resplendent, descending from above. Let me get this straight, I’m not making fun of him, like I said, I don’t know if he’s a nerd. I don’t know anything about him. Other than his condition causes him to be extremely slow moving. The amazing thing about this guy is that, well one, he has a job, I’m guessing cuz he rides the train every day. I wonder what he does. I wonder how long it takes him just to get out of the train station. It must take like 20 minutes. I wonder what he feels like when the people are all hustling and bustling around him. Then, they’re all gone, it must be peaceful when all the people are gone. I bet each step is like a little victory for this guy. The other amazing thing is the perseverance he displays on a daily basis. I mean he could just sit in his bed, watch tv, collect public aid, and no one would judge him for it. But he gets up, he might have help, if not, it must take 2 hours just to get ready to go out. Then He gets to the train. I think you get the picture that everything this guy does must be agonizing. Or at least take a long time. I guess it prolly helps him to have a purpose though, and to feel like he’s contributing.



It’s hard to play that game that people play where you say, well, imagine if you were in his shoes. Seriously, if I was in that walker train guy’s shoes, I might be way happier than I am now. Who knows. People assume that just because you can walk normally and are not physically disfigured, that you’re happier than someone who is. Why do people jump to that conclusion? It’s like a priest or a nun, people wonder how they could give everything up like that. Think about how simple a life that would be. How wonderful it would be to have no (or few) possessions, to help others, to pray, to pursue intellectual interests (nerds), and to not have to worry about money. It would be kinda nice. You could say the same of the walker guy, expectations are lower due to his condition, therefore, he probably has a higher sense of achievement than someone who has full use of his/her appendages. Who knows. Happiness comes from within, I know that’s a cliché, but it’s true, money might make some people happy, for others, it creates more problems. Some rich people are miserable, and some poor people are ecstatic. (well maybe not ecstatic, but you never know.) I feel like I’m doing a very poor job of expressing this idea. I might have to revisit it another time.